RR036654 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 My wife and I have been married for going on 6 years and have been together for going on 8 years. I am growing more and more irritated with her and the situation. We sold our house in GA, and she always wanted to move to another state. I told her it was a bad idea to move to another state away from family, but we ended up moving anyways. Sometimes I want to slap myself in hindsight, but I do take responsibility for allowing it. Finally after much searching I took a transfer at work, and we bought our new house in SC 4 years ago-living there ever since. When we first moved here she said she wanted to be a stay home mom, and refused to find a job. I got angry for a while, but realized if she got a job and we put our son in day care she would only break even so she might as well be at home. I could understand this, and I accepted it. That brings me to the next point. My son has had little direction from her, and because she is with him all day every day I would expect her to guide him, and for him to grow healthy habits. But this is not really the case and he’s out of control and is spoiled. He is used to her doing whatever he says and he is getting more and more difficult. He’s disrespectful, and only started sleeping in his own bed 6 months to a year ago. I know I played a part in that by allowing it, but it seems like she just does not put her foot down and he walks all over her. I had to start putting my foot down and being hard on him to make him understand there are boundaries he can’t cross. Since we moved here my wife has not made any friends and refuses to even try to hang out with the friends I made. This is hard because we have no help distracting our son, or any playmates that give us a break. My wife finally started school a year ago, and that is one thing productive she does, but she is unmotivated to do much else unless it’s going to parks, or doing things with just the three of us –making it really hard for me to cope with the situation. I feel like I am the emotional support for the three of us and the situation is very unbalanced. Also, she wants to enroll our son in expensive programs where there are instructors present and kids to play with, rather than making friends with people and having actual friends. It’s almost like we need to buy friends for him, and not do the work to make them. I tried to sell the house and we were going to move back a year ago – having rough spots in our marriage and on the verge of breaking up. This was due to my wanting to move back to family but in one year we got no calls or interest in the house and we seemed to work out our differences for the time being. Because of the market if I listed the house again we would lose a lot of money we put down and the only option is a short sale. I told her again recently I wanted to move to where the grandparents could help and she told me to go ahead and move and that she was staying here and I can go. She has no job, and I don’t know what she thinks she would do here but she said it anyways; perhaps as a way to manipulate me, I’m not sure. Another thing is her first son from her prior marriage. I am 100% supportive of him and fly him out to see us 2-3 times a year, however she just acts like it’s my job, and does not really respect my financial position to keep this household afloat, regardless of the situation. She can’t manage her money if she has any so I must do it. If she is in control our money she bounces checks, and buys things with credit cards we don’t need, so I had to take complete control of the finances. I feel like I get no respect and I am here to support her. I do the cooking and our house is trashed most of the time. She is always tired and has sleeping problems as well and does not go to the doctor to get medication, or something to help her sleep. When I had major surgery she would come in and wake me up every day between 6-8 AM to get me up to play with our son. I am supposed to be resting but because she can’t sleep at night I feel I must help her out and be with my son. This angers me and it seems like I fill in the gaps where she ignores responsibility for her health, finances, and keeping the family together in general. I do want to play with my son, and be a good father, but not like this. I feel like I am filling the gaps where she can’t, or wont, or does not know how to take care of things in the house, and with my son. Sorry for venting, but I’m going crazy from this whole mess and feel like I need a change.
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