Briankins Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Recently my Finacee left me, telling me that it is over. It is my fault though, with the stress of possible redundancy in work and worry of money, I was becoming emotionally closed, I paid less and less attention to her, I stopped telling her I love her, I stopped cuddling with her and spent less time with her. She did occasionally tell me that she is upset and wanted me to start telling her I love her more, spend time with her and cuddle, but I was just too wrapped up in my own selfish problems than to realise what is most important. I one day woke up and had an epiphany and realised I needed to change, I wanted to talk to her about it all when I thought she was coming back home from visiting her parents for the weekend, but the very next day, I received a text message from her, saying she is coming for her stuff as she can't cope any more. I immediately rang her as soon as I could trying to talk her out of it, but she just kept saying she is sorry and can't do it any more and that we've already said all that we can. Now I have no way to contact her at all, she has blocked my emails, on Facebook, her mobile phone is now constantly off and I don't want to phone her home phone again because I believe it will only aggravate her parents if I constantly try to talk to her, that and also the fact it will only tear us further apart by not giving her time to heal. A few days ago, I was talked into going to her house by her friend to try and talk to her, but sadly all failed. I talked with her mum for a bit and although she looked sympathetic, told me that it's probably time to just accept it is over. A day later, her friend told me that she sent her a message saying that she thought long and hard over it and decided it is time to call it a day and that I realised too late what I was losing. It is extremely hard for me at the moment because I did not have a chance to talk to her about everything. I know I need to accept it and try to move on, but do I give up all hope that she might come back to me?
mephisto Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Time to move on and start a new life. You will see how fast they realize what they lost...stay strong!! Recently my Finacee left me, telling me that it is over. It is my fault though, with the stress of possible redundancy in work and worry of money, I was becoming emotionally closed, I paid less and less attention to her, I stopped telling her I love her, I stopped cuddling with her and spent less time with her. She did occasionally tell me that she is upset and wanted me to start telling her I love her more, spend time with her and cuddle, but I was just too wrapped up in my own selfish problems than to realise what is most important. I one day woke up and had an epiphany and realised I needed to change, I wanted to talk to her about it all when I thought she was coming back home from visiting her parents for the weekend, but the very next day, I received a text message from her, saying she is coming for her stuff as she can't cope any more. I immediately rang her as soon as I could trying to talk her out of it, but she just kept saying she is sorry and can't do it any more and that we've already said all that we can. Now I have no way to contact her at all, she has blocked my emails, on Facebook, her mobile phone is now constantly off and I don't want to phone her home phone again because I believe it will only aggravate her parents if I constantly try to talk to her, that and also the fact it will only tear us further apart by not giving her time to heal. A few days ago, I was talked into going to her house by her friend to try and talk to her, but sadly all failed. I talked with her mum for a bit and although she looked sympathetic, told me that it's probably time to just accept it is over. A day later, her friend told me that she sent her a message saying that she thought long and hard over it and decided it is time to call it a day and that I realised too late what I was losing. It is extremely hard for me at the moment because I did not have a chance to talk to her about everything. I know I need to accept it and try to move on, but do I give up all hope that she might come back to me?
Author Briankins Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 It's not like we've ever had a really bad fight, I didn't treat her badly like her previous boyfriends, all that happened was in the last couple of months when I was so stressed and didn't pay her the attention she needs. I don't know if it is a combination of everything else I mentioned and the fact she suffers from depression and anxiety that just pushed her over the edge.
Hope4anangel Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Hey hun, I think your fiancee felt neglected, even though you didn't mean it, it does hurt a little not to be told they are loved as much or be cuddled as much. Even if you have good reasons why you were perhaps distant with her. It's not because you loved her less, you just had a lot going on. I actually believe that you didn't realise you were doing it. Not saying you are the same but my bf can only seem to focus on one thing at a time and doesn't realise when he is being less affectionate. I have come to accept that as it's just who he is. I know he doesn't meant to do it. You can torture yourself thinking I should have done this or that because you can't change the past, you can only change your future. I don't think your fiancee has fallen out of love with you. I just think she got to a point where she just couldn't take any more, what she thought, neglect. Personally, I would give her some space. Leave it a good couple of weeks (as hard as it is) and then perhaps do the old fashioned thing and write her a letter. Spill your guts out, what do you have to lose? Write down what you need to say. Once it is written, decide whether you think it's a good idea or not to send it. Some people get closure from not sending it, others think "well I have nothing to lose". If you want her back, I would go with the latter. What do you have to lose? You obviously love this girl and now realise your mistakes. Not everything is too late. I don't regret at all sending my bf a letter. I don't regret sending him a birthday card when everyone told me not to bother. Turned out he had been wanting to contact me for weeks but had been checking up on my FB (even though we weren't friends any more) and thought I was moving on as I seemed happy on FB (the place where the people who seem happy are actually the unhappiest!). All the above may not strike you as something you would want to do but it is worth a thought. I know people will tell you to forget about her and move on but how can you when you haven't said everything you need to? If you have one last ditch attempt at winning her back and she still doesn't take you up on the offer, then at least you know you said and done all you could and perhaps you will then have the closure to move on.
Author Briankins Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 I've already gave her mother a letter with a lot of what I wanted to say (about 5 pages of A4) but not all, she said that she'll give it to her when she's stronger, but I don't know if she will give it to her or my ex will read it. Another thing is, I don't know if there is any meaning to it, but she has kept the ring. Hey hun, I think your fiancee felt neglected, even though you didn't mean it, it does hurt a little not to be told they are loved as much or be cuddled as much. Even if you have good reasons why you were perhaps distant with her. It's not because you loved her less, you just had a lot going on. I actually believe that you didn't realise you were doing it. Not saying you are the same but my bf can only seem to focus on one thing at a time and doesn't realise when he is being less affectionate. I have come to accept that as it's just who he is. I know he doesn't meant to do it. You can torture yourself thinking I should have done this or that because you can't change the past, you can only change your future. I don't think your fiancee has fallen out of love with you. I just think she got to a point where she just couldn't take any more, what she thought, neglect. Personally, I would give her some space. Leave it a good couple of weeks (as hard as it is) and then perhaps do the old fashioned thing and write her a letter. Spill your guts out, what do you have to lose? Write down what you need to say. Once it is written, decide whether you think it's a good idea or not to send it. Some people get closure from not sending it, others think "well I have nothing to lose". If you want her back, I would go with the latter. What do you have to lose? You obviously love this girl and now realise your mistakes. Not everything is too late. I don't regret at all sending my bf a letter. I don't regret sending him a birthday card when everyone told me not to bother. Turned out he had been wanting to contact me for weeks but had been checking up on my FB (even though we weren't friends any more) and thought I was moving on as I seemed happy on FB (the place where the people who seem happy are actually the unhappiest!). All the above may not strike you as something you would want to do but it is worth a thought. I know people will tell you to forget about her and move on but how can you when you haven't said everything you need to? If you have one last ditch attempt at winning her back and she still doesn't take you up on the offer, then at least you know you said and done all you could and perhaps you will then have the closure to move on.
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