VioletFemme Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 I hate dating. I truly, truly hate it. So many mixed signals, and mixed messages, and mixed up perceptions. I'm a little jaded too, after all these years of dating...so help me out. I think I know what this was, but want an opinion from you all. I met this guy last weekend, walking my dog. He as driving past, actually pulled over at the side of the road to talk to me. He said he had seen me around the neighborhood, always wanted to talk to me, and thought, what the hell and pulled over. We talked, we laughed, we flirted. My dog was afraid of his truck, which was funny; so we ended so I could finish walking my dog. We exchanged numbers though and he said he would get ahold of me this weekend, maybe go out. Cool. Well we texted a few times during the week. Then yesterday he texted me around dinner time, 5 PM or so--I was going to dinner with a friend and let him know that. He said he might be going out later, I said cool, let me know. Well, I had dinner and drinks and did some shopping with my friend, and got home. No call, no text. Until...midnight. He texted me to let me know he was going to the bar in the neighborhood, I should come out, beer, play pool, etc. When he called I was in the middle of a work thing (yes, at midnight. It was a work emergency.) I told him I was in the middle of a minor work emergency, give me a few minutes. Twenty minutes or so later I had the work thing sorted, and texted him back. I said it was awfully late, and I was so NOT bar-ready. He then suggested Waffle House and staying in. It was nearly 1 AM by this point. I'm looking at the clock and thinking--1 AM? What the hell is this? Even midnight, by the way--what the hell is that? I remembered that line from "How I Met Your Mother"--'nothing good happens after 2 AM.' I conclude booty call. I tell him I'm going to stay in, but he should hit me up again some time. Preferably earlier in the evening. So my questions: him calling (calling? ha! TEXTING!!) me at midnight. I'm thinking I wasn't his first choice of companion for the night, he just struck out elsehwere. Agree or disagree? And 1 AM--Waffle house and "staying in"? He was just looking for sex, agree or disagree? And finally--booty calls? Really? We're in our mid-thirties--do people STILL do that? thought we grew out of that lame crap in our twenties!!! Thoughts?
ASG Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 What is there to outgrow, when it comes to a booty call? It's not something that gets stuck in time, it can happen at any age! But yeah, it was probably a booty call.
persevere Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Yep. I can't think of anything else it would be. Not good technique on his part, as you two haven't even gone out yet. Not cool. I agree with you. His first choice fell through. He got tipsy and a bit stirred up, trying you..
oldshirt Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 II met this guy last weekend, walking my dog. He as driving past, actually pulled over at the side of the road to talk to me. I teach my daughter (and son for that matter) to run away screaming as loud as she can if someone does that to her. didn't your mother teach you that too?
xpaperxcutx Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Actually any calls after 11 is a booty call. nevermind that he hasn't asked you out, you were a convenience for him at 12 in the morning.
oldshirt Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Mid 30s and you're even asking the question????? Some dude pulls over his car to hit on you and then txts you for a booty call in the middle of the night and you have to ask a forum if it really was a booty call???? But here's something I want you to think about, was there really any mixed messages or smoke and mirrors here? This guy wanted a quick and easy nightcap, were you in the mood for one too? You start off your post complaining about how much you hate dating and how hard it is to sift through all the mixed messages and game playing etc and here is someone who all but just layed it all right out on the table. Was he just interested in sex? Yeah probably because what else does he know about you at the moment? You were obviously intrigued by him to some degree too or you would've done what your mother taught you and you would have ran away and called the cops when some complete stranger pulled over his car and started talking to you and asking for your number. Here's where I am going with this. Your grandmother and Oprah and conventional wisdom would have you beleive that most happily married couples started out as friends in a mutual social circle and feelings developed over time and eventually they realized their feelings for each other and fell in love and lived happily ever after. Sure it happens and that is great, but if you really get to talking to people and peel away the layers you find out that a lot of very happy and healthy couples began their relationship as a one-night-stand where someone came back for seconds. Or they got drunk and hooked up at a party or came home from the bar or met online blah blah blah. In other words many couples actually met and got to know each other after some kind of sleazy and non-mother approved form of initial interaction. This guy was direct. He didn't mess around with games or smoke and mirrors and he didn't try to woo you with friendship or impress you with how nice of a guy he is etc etc. He saw a chick walking down the street that he thought he'd like to bang and he took a shot. Something about that intrigues you and you appreciated the directness. Whether you want to "stay in" with him or not is entirely up to you. He at least had the common decency to ask you if you wanted to meet him initially in a public place (waffle house) as a chance to chat and get comfortable each other. I hope I'm booty calling when I'm 85 as I don't think that ever changes. But one of the very few benifits of growth and maturity is you are able to communicate what it is you want out of a relationship and you are able to see through other people's bullcrap and you have the knowledge, skills and confidence to stand up for yourself and pursue your own interests as well as the ability and guts to walk away from what you don't want. So my answer to your questions is, of course, he was interested in sex because all that he knows about you at this point is that he finds you physically attractive. He probably even struck out earlier. He may have even scored earlier but was already recharged or maybe was just trying to line up a potential booty call for some other time. If you're sick your current dating scene, change it. YOU be more direct and YOU tell people what you want and look them in the eye and ask them what they want. If people want different things each is able to walk. But at some point both will want the same thing whether it's a booty call or some thing more. 1
PhillyDude Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Any man that pulls over on the side of a road to hit on a woman he wants to HAVE SEX The End
persevere Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Any man that pulls over on the side of a road to hit on a woman he wants to HAVE SEX The End No kidding. "Oh, she's nice looking. I think I'll pull over, then text her at all hours...for dinner?" Nope.
PhillyDude Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 No kidding. "Oh, she's nice looking. I think I'll pull over, then text her at all hours...for dinner?" Nope. And the OP fell right into the trap probably because he was good-looking
xpaperxcutx Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 look, men can hit on women however they want jn whatever way they want but it's how they behave afterwards when they get the go ahead that counts This guy was a charmer when he stopped the OP on the road but it was how he chose to initte afterwards that branded him the douche. NO all guys are jerks. its how far you're willing to allow certain behavior that mattrs.
Author VioletFemme Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 I teach my daughter (and son for that matter) to run away screaming as loud as she can if someone does that to her. didn't your mother teach you that too? LMAO! That cracked me up. Sure, when I was 12 my mom said that. But I'm a grown woman, I was walking a large dog who'd protect me, and... I carry pepper spray. I'm sure I can handle it. And I did recognize him from around the neighborhood, so it wasn't all that random.
PhillyDude Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 LMAO! That cracked me up. Sure, when I was 12 my mom said that. But I'm a grown woman, I was walking a large dog who'd protect me, and... I carry pepper spray. I'm sure I can handle it. And I did recognize him from around the neighborhood, so it wasn't all that random. It's a shame you didn't recognize he was horny
Author VioletFemme Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 Mid 30s and you're even asking the question????? Because it hasn't happened since I was about 25, so I wasn't quite sure. Some dude pulls over his car to hit on you and then txts you for a booty call in the middle of the night and you have to ask a forum if it really was a booty call???? But here's something I want you to think about, was there really any mixed messages or smoke and mirrors here? This guy wanted a quick and easy nightcap, were you in the mood for one too? You start off your post complaining about how much you hate dating and how hard it is to sift through all the mixed messages and game playing etc and here is someone who all but just layed it all right out on the table. Was he just interested in sex? Yeah probably because what else does he know about you at the moment? You were obviously intrigued by him to some degree too or you would've done what your mother taught you and you would have ran away and called the cops when some complete stranger pulled over his car and started talking to you and asking for your number. Really? so I should just be the helpless maiden in distress and be terrified of all men? That's cute. Here's where I am going with this. Your grandmother and Oprah and conventional wisdom would have you beleive that most happily married couples started out as friends in a mutual social circle and feelings developed over time and eventually they realized their feelings for each other and fell in love and lived happily ever after. Sure it happens and that is great, but if you really get to talking to people and peel away the layers you find out that a lot of very happy and healthy couples began their relationship as a one-night-stand where someone came back for seconds. Or they got drunk and hooked up at a party or came home from the bar or met online blah blah blah. In other words many couples actually met and got to know each other after some kind of sleazy and non-mother approved form of initial interaction. This guy was direct. He didn't mess around with games or smoke and mirrors and he didn't try to woo you with friendship or impress you with how nice of a guy he is etc etc. He saw a chick walking down the street that he thought he'd like to bang and he took a shot. Something about that intrigues you and you appreciated the directness. Whether you want to "stay in" with him or not is entirely up to you. He at least had the common decency to ask you if you wanted to meet him initially in a public place (waffle house) as a chance to chat and get comfortable each other. I hope I'm booty calling when I'm 85 as I don't think that ever changes. But one of the very few benifits of growth and maturity is you are able to communicate what it is you want out of a relationship and you are able to see through other people's bullcrap and you have the knowledge, skills and confidence to stand up for yourself and pursue your own interests as well as the ability and guts to walk away from what you don't want. So my answer to your questions is, of course, he was interested in sex because all that he knows about you at this point is that he finds you physically attractive. He probably even struck out earlier. He may have even scored earlier but was already recharged or maybe was just trying to line up a potential booty call for some other time. If you're sick your current dating scene, change it. YOU be more direct and YOU tell people what you want and look them in the eye and ask them what they want. If people want different things each is able to walk. But at some point both will want the same thing whether it's a booty call or some thing more. Oh, I WAS direct. Earlier in the week when we were texting and it was kind of flirty, at one point it got a little sexual and I plainly said, "Listen, you seem to be looking for a quickie and I'm not it. If that's what you want, move on." Pretty clear on my part....
Author VioletFemme Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 And the OP fell right into the trap probably because he was good-looking Oh yeah, he was cute. But nice too, or so I thought, and that goes farther with me.
Author VioletFemme Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 look, men can hit on women however they want jn whatever way they want but it's how they behave afterwards when they get the go ahead that counts This guy was a charmer when he stopped the OP on the road but it was how he chose to initte afterwards that branded him the douche. NO all guys are jerks. its how far you're willing to allow certain behavior that mattrs. See, that's what I thought. Sure the initial contact was a little random, but whatever. People meet in strange ways. And yeah, it was his behavior last night that made me ask "what's up here?" as it was not sitting well with me.
PhillyDude Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Oh yeah, he was cute. But nice too, or so I thought, and that goes farther with me. You mean he was nice looking which forced you to seem him as nice
Author VioletFemme Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 You mean he was nice looking which forced you to seem him as nice No way. I've known plenty of good-looking guys who were real jerks. In fact I tend to lean the other way--a really good looking man has to prove he's NOT a douche as far as I'm concerned, cuz many are.
ascendotum Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 He originally called you at 5pm and not midnight, so he would have preferred to spend the evening with you out and about, though your number sat in his pocket the whole week and he leaves it till the last minute on Saturday to set something up. I was thinking that maybe he is a little awkward with asking women on dates, but he pulled over to chat you up while driving, so he's not. I'd say you were a backup option. Your 1am, waffles and staying in, after him spenidng a few hours at the bar, for sure sex was on his mind. I'm with ASG + oldshirt.....what is there to outgrow! I can't see most guys considering late night impromptu sex with a new woman as ever being 'lame crap'. You start off your post complaining about how much you hate dating and how hard it is to sift through all the mixed messages and game playing etc and here is someone who all but just layed it all right out on the table. I found this ironic + funny too.
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