hotdamnluv Posted June 24, 2004 Posted June 24, 2004 [font=times new roman][/font][color=violet][/color] Okay, so my friends fiance has cheated on her. I and other people know this, except for my friend. Her fiance and I do not get along, though he is my husbands best friend. I think my friend has a right to know what her man is up to, because I know that she would never find out unless I said something. She's in love with him, but I know for a fact he would continue to cheat on her because he's tried to with me! And he has been getting numbers from other girls. As being her friend and me being married, I turned him down. Should I tell her what's up with her fiance? My husband knows about this also, but if I say something to her, my husband and her fiance would be mad at me for "ruining" their relationship by opening my mouth about something that has nothing to do with me and is none of my business. I would like for a friend to tell me if they knew my husband was cheating on me, wouldn't you?? I don't know what to do. Should I stay out of it or tell my friend?
CurlyIam Posted June 24, 2004 Posted June 24, 2004 He is not only a cheater, but quite stupid, frankly! Does he expect to get away with it? But here, in the real world, each person is on his own! You are not obliged to shut your mouth only to preserve your hubby's friendship with this man. I mean for God's sake, he tried to get you to cheat on your husband! I don't want to know about your husband's enemies if he's his friend! I'd warn to my husband and I'd tell her. All!!!The sooner the better, by the way!
supermom Posted June 25, 2004 Posted June 25, 2004 If my husband was cheating on me, I'd love for someone to tell me. Also did you tell your husband about his advances towards you? I'm sure he wouldn't mind you telling after that! She's in love with him, but I know for a fact he would continue to cheat on her because he's tried to with me! And he has been getting numbers from other girls. As being her friend and me being married, I turned him down. Should I tell her what's up with her fiance? Tell her this! She wouldn't want to marry him and THEN FIND OUT! You would be saving her from a huge mistake! If I were you I would, even if she would be mad at you at first, IMO a true friend would!
Author hotdamnluv Posted June 25, 2004 Author Posted June 25, 2004 [color=violet][/color] Alright, so I told my friend about her fiance cheating on her. She ran to her fiances mom cryin about it. They both came back to me to yell at my face about how I should stop runnin my mouth about stuff that isn't true! They wont believe me! And so i also told her about how her fiance came on to me many times before and they both started goin off about how he would never come on to me because he hates me. Yes he does hate me now, but before he didnt. So now they are waiting for her fiance and my husband to get home from work so they can talk to them about it. I just know that the fiance will deny it of course and my husband will take his side and stick up for him because thats what they do! Ugh...so my friend and the fiances mom are mad at me because I hurt my friends feelings by telling her all that happened. Everybody will point their fingers at me thinking im trying to stir up trouble...I was only telling a friend the truth about something which i believed she had a right to know! I just called the fiances mom to see if my friend was there, which she was, and I asked if she was doing okay...she said that they dont want to talk about it to ME and I apologized for hurting my friends feelings in anyway, and that I was only tryin to help... but before i could finish she hung up on me....grr why do i even bother?? i will now keep my mouth shut about things that dont have anything to do with me. So after they all 4 get together and talk, i think that i will lose two friends, make someone hate me more than what they already did and make my husband mad at me for telling my friend when i was told not to.
supermom Posted June 25, 2004 Posted June 25, 2004 hotdamnluv, When I read your last post my mouth literally dropped! You just wait...she'll finally see the light and realize what she said to you and HOPEFULLY apologize. You did exactly what I would do, even if my H told me not to. WTF is he sticking up for a low down cheater anyway? Isn't HE married as well? (to you). Why wouldn't he be mad at his friend for hitting on you. Ugh...so my friend and the fiances mom are mad at me because I hurt my friends feelings by telling her all that happened. Everybody will point their fingers at me thinking im trying to stir up trouble...I was only telling a friend the truth about something which i believed she had a right to know! You stick to your guns here! IMO you did the right thing. The truth will come out and if she is any friend at all, will apologize to you. why do i even bother?? i will now keep my mouth shut about things that dont have anything to do with me. So after they all 4 get together and talk, i think that i will lose two friends, make someone hate me more than what they already did and make my husband mad at me for telling my friend when i was told not to. No offense please, but your H does not sound like a supportive one! My H would first off, be horribly pissed off at his friend if he did something like that, and realize that (for me anyway) I will defend my friends forever...and that you are a good friend no matter if they want to think otherwise (for the moment) or not. This will pass too....the truth will come out. Hopefully the scumbag will come clean and then your friend WILL REALIZE that you were just trying to help her. F*&k them for now.....you did the right thing in my opinion, exactly what I would of done....they are blind right now, and sometimes love can make you that way. Good luck and keep us posted.
supermom Posted June 25, 2004 Posted June 25, 2004 Don't you just hate it when mothers think their child can do no wrong!!?? a pet peeve of mine....
Author hotdamnluv Posted June 25, 2004 Author Posted June 25, 2004 my husband and i are actually separated as of one month ago, because he cheated on me! another friend of mine had told me so...but we are still friends and somewhat have a relationship, we have 2 children but are still very young(20-24)...and all of us live in the same apartment complex, so we all see eachother everyday...including our friends and that mom! grr...well thank you so much for your replies. I hope she will still be my friend after all this, and my husband doesnt know about her fiance hitting on me, i never told him because i didnt want to ruin their friendship-though this guy isnt much of a friend! Nothin but drama I tell ya....
CurlyIam Posted June 25, 2004 Posted June 25, 2004 No offence,but your "friend"is completely STUPID!!!! Why on Earth did she go to his mom? What is she,the Oracle of Delphi? Don't even bother talking to her! I would be so damn upset!!! You called her? Big mistake! You should have told her this is F*cking serious and if she preffers to stickher hand in the sand, well, that's her business!! Tell her You'll be talking toher when she grows some brain! Ans the mother of the fiancé... she did a nice job raisin' him... real nice.... as I see she taught him all about taking responsability for his deeds!!! Oh, I was wondering why your husband would have that man as a friend... what do they say: tell me who your friends are to tell you who you are! This is about a lifestyle (cheating). I'd be very careful and glad that this came up. I would finally have a chance to see hubby choosing. 'cause if he's keeping his friend's side, you know that he has cheated and that he'll be cheating the hell out of anyone! And not necesarrily because you have problems, there is a temptation out there and it happened, but because it's cool, his friends are doing it, so why won't he?!? Think loooong and hard about this, this one tells a looooooot!
Jenny317 Posted June 25, 2004 Posted June 25, 2004 cheer up! You and ur husband both know that some cheating has been going on with your bestfriend and her man's relationship! If she is your bestfriend, ans she is about to get married with the wrong guy, and you know this for a fact than speak up! Don't let anybody know that she is marring the wrong guy! Don't object to the wedding because that would be too suspicious, tell your bestfriend about the playa and you should show him where he belongs in the first place! if she don't believe you, than she insn't much of a friend because your best friend should believe you no matter what so give it a try see if speaking up will help! Hope it does! Tell me what happenes! Good Luck!, Jenny Kramer
Pyrannaste Posted June 25, 2004 Posted June 25, 2004 I basically agree with the other posters Hopefully your friend will realize she was about to get married to a cheating scum. Now she is probably in denial because if she believed you(and one day she will) her pink-colored dream of her having met the perfect guy would fall to pieces. If your friend's fiance had cheated on her *once and one time only* it would have been different..... you could have had a talk with him and threaten to tell his wife if he ever did this again. But you were absolutely positive he'd cheat on her again. be proud of yourself for what you did. You acted like a *real* friend.
Author hotdamnluv Posted June 25, 2004 Author Posted June 25, 2004 My "friend" and her fiance and his mother and my husband do not believe me because there is no proof. They never ever want to talk to me again. As for my husband, he doesnt believe me that his friend came on to me and thinks I am lying about it just because his friend hates me. My husband just told me tonight that he does not want to ever talk to me or be around me ever again, he said goodbye forever. Only time we will have to see eachother is when he comes to pick up the kids and drop them off. Other than that, it's completely over and done with between him and I and also my friend and I. I dont know how to feel about all of this. I havent stopped crying for hours. How can my husband take sides like that? Why would I lie to him about something like that? I guess it doesnt matter now, nothing matters anymore... I shouldnt have said anything at all, because now I've lost a friend and my husband. Even though my husband and I are living apart from eachother, we were still friends...and now we are no longer. We've had a 6 year relationship and I'm only 20...first loves...its so hard to let go. I told the honest truth and in return I lost friendships and my love. This is no longer about my friend and her fiance...My heart is broken once again by the one and only man i've ever loved, my husband, the father of my 2 children, the only person I had left to turn to. I dont have any family or any other friends here in this state. I've lived here for 2 and a half years. My husband was military, so all i did was stay home and raise the kids. I dont have a job nor a car. My rent is 2 months behind because my husband left me. No food in the house, and I have no way of getting around. I had applied for welfare few weeks ago right after hub left. i've already turned in all the info they needed but i havent got a reply. What do i do now? My life is going downhill and I have nobody to turn to if i need to talk or if i need help.....please God, if there is a God, HELP ME!!!!!
CurlyIam Posted June 25, 2004 Posted June 25, 2004 don't you have proof,any way of proving? Like people, bartender, the other girl, etc? Not that it would matter, but you'd feel less of a lunatic. Call your parents, ask them for money for the rent and for one way ticket back to them. You desirve a fresh start! Your husband isn't paying for the rent? How does he think you're gonna pay? What about the kids? Girl, you made a mistake in relying completely on him and now you're paying for it. No one is perfect. Son't worry, on the long run, you'll see you were right. And your "friend" will learn on that her own skin! Do you have any preparation, like highschool diploma? Go home, you won't have to pay for the rent, work and continue with your studies. I'm sure your parents will help you! Tell us how it goes.... Curly P.S. You are much better off this people in your life. There in nothing to regret, only to learn!
Author hotdamnluv Posted June 25, 2004 Author Posted June 25, 2004 The only proof I'd have is if the other people who knew about it said somethin, which they wont cuz they are friends of my friend and her fiance. I already asked my parents, and I know both of their situations, they have no money to send me, none of my family does. As for the hub, he knew that I wouldnt be able to pay rent, its all part of his little plan to take the kids from me...if I cant support and provide for them I will have them taken away and he will get them. Yes, he would do that! My hub pulled me out of highschool 3 months before I could graduate to get married to him and move to WA. I was also 5 months pregnant at the time. I wanted to go back to school or at least get my GED, but being at home with the little ones and the hub being so controlling or whatnot, kinda stopped me from doin so. I cannot move back home, i hate that place! its just a small little country town, I lived there for almost 4 years. There is nothing for me there, that is why I left, other than to get married and live with my hub and have our baby.
Pyrannaste Posted June 25, 2004 Posted June 25, 2004 Hotdamnluv, I feel for you, I'm sorry to hear you are in this terrible situation. This episode really showed your husband's true colors.... he wasn't really a friend to you since you separated, no real friend would drop you for being honest with your best friend who has been cheated on....and he's been trying to take the kids from you all the time. . People who help their buddies to cheat are *disgusting*. It tells so much about what kind of persons they themselves are. Your female friend has reacted in a dumb, stupid way. I guess it's just beacuse she does not want to admit it to herself, that her romantic dream story with mr.Right shattered. I really hope she'll come to her senses soon and possibly thank you. I think your H either *does* believes his friends made advances at you but does not care and will never admit it, or he thinks you are lying just because he must be so used to tell lies he can't any longer believe people around him can be honest, unlike him. His threatening not to be around anymore and giving you the silent treatment is disgusting. Did he ever have control problems before? His behaviour is proving that it is a good thing that you separated. Can you get a job that will allow you to be independent, at least to some degrees? Can you legally get your h to help you out until you earn money on your own? Is he the one paying for whatever the kids need right now? About your lack of friends....just start going out, you'll make new ones. You don't sound like the kind of person who would have probles making new friends. You sound like a nice, honest and caring person. People like you just have to meet new people and they'll make a lot of friends easily.
kirkyswife Posted June 25, 2004 Posted June 25, 2004 Okay my initial response is to tell you to stay out of other's relationships because no matter what they are going to believe what they want to believe and you'll be the odd woman out. But I am so forthright that I can't hold back when I know a friend of mine is being disrespected and/or violated. This is such a hard decision to make because as you have found out - telling makes you a "Sh*t Starter" but your conscious can't sit back and watch a friend make a terrible mistake. Although I agree with the posters that she'll eventually find out - the hell you are about to experience is quite unfair but unavoidable because you have involved yourself in their business. Despite how grim things are you did the right thing and I respect you (from one woman to another) for having the guts to stand up for your convictions). As for your husband and his friend - cheaters will align themselves in battle because they believe strength is in numbers. No worries, karma will take care of their mess. As for you - I'm so sorry you are hurting and basically alone but your husband HAS to provide support for you and your children and as the smoke clears you can think about where your life is absent of cheating husband; abusive & unfaithful cheating husband's friend; blinded fiance; dysfunctional mother of abusive & unfaithful cheating husband's friend - basically drama free. I pray that you find strength and peace in what you did and that your life is blessed for standing up for your own honor. Take care!
CurlyIam Posted June 25, 2004 Posted June 25, 2004 Disperate times ask for disperate measures! How old are your kids? Go and ask to see if you can get any help -e.g. daycare or something like that. Then try to get a job to do something,anything to gain some money. IF they're little see if you can't obtain some money and file some papers against your husband for not paying for your kids. IT is very important that you initiate this! You are right, no judge will ever allow your children to stay with a mom that does not fight with her teeth to keep them andto provide for them. This is not a time to fuss, love. I think you should get your stuff back home and figure it out from there. Fast, before the landlord throws you out. Borrow money from your friends, see if there aren't any shelters that can keep you for a couple of months 'til you can put some order into your life. It seems you do have the timeto pick up some information. That's the first step: be aware of all the possibilities you have. GAther all information that can be of any help! Then act. But fast, for time is running out. You are young, if you can make this one, you'll be able to do anything! Ask the help of people on the Shack, they'll tell you about the institutions, procedures, organisations that may help in the US! I'm sorry, I cannot help here. You have to make it! Curly
kirkyswife Posted June 25, 2004 Posted June 25, 2004 Don't let pride stand in your wave of securing a home for yourself and your children. If it's not feasible for you to return to your small town and opportunity exists in your current city then utilize state and city resources to help you over the hump. Don't allow pride to taint you from attaining assistance from the government or non-profit organizations in your area that are familiar with situations like yours. It's you and your babies against the world and despite the social upheaval, your ability to sustain proves that you are a capable mother and a resilient woman. Your husband is in trouble with the courts because "abandonment" is a true sign of untrustworthiness and instability. I'm sorry to say but for now this drama with the cheaters and the friend takes the back burner because your battle now is making ends meet. I hope all works out to your advantage and that you ultimately find peace and TRUE LOVE.
ziggue Posted June 25, 2004 Posted June 25, 2004 I really feel for you too. Just wait till this girl finds out what her fiance is really up to herself. She is the one that is gonna deal with the karma that she's got coming back to her. . Your husband may have been cheating on you as well. With this guy (friend's fiance) when they go out together. That may be a reason why he was sticking up for his friend. What guy in their right mind would side with a mate who has hit on their wife? Things don't add up there. . I agree with kirkyswife. If you know something about a relationship don't but in. People can be blinded by love. Believe what they want to believe. No matter how close they are to the person that tells them what they don't wanna hear the consequences could be devastating. Even though this sounds a little harsh you have got to let them relize or find out what is in the back of their minds themselves. All you can do is be there in the end and comfort your friend when she finds out what's been going on. The truth always comes out somehow eventually. Especially if it's known to more then one person. Either it be cheating or something else. Dumping on you now is something this friend is gonna regret in the future. I agree again with you moving back home for a while. It doesn't have to be forever. Just till you get you life on track again and figure out what you are gonna do with yourself now. There you will get help with your kids while you work and try get some money together. Plus you may have plenty of babysitters there maybe for you when you go out and improve your life and the lives of your kids. Maybe get some assistance from the goverment. You could try going back to school maybe. If you can get some care for the kids. Or do it when you husband takes them. Hopefully everything works out for you in the end.
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