alonelyfigure Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Hi all My life at the moment feels like it is over, my partner of 6 years, engaged for 2, who has a 9 year old girl that I have brought up as my own, has walked out on me after her having a one night stand. We have always had quite a volatile relationship, but not to the point that we would split up over it. We have both being studying for qualifications and live together. With us being on a shoestring budget, things have been stressed over the last few months. I was meant to go to a wedding with her, didn't, and she slept with some guy. This was three weeks ago. She phoned me up at work the next day in tears to tell me. I came home, and was inconsolable. I regrettably ended up slapping her as she kept trying to hug me. She left. We met up two days after. We talked about why, she said she didn't know and was really drunk, however I just spoke to her dad there who has said she told him the day after she wasn't too drunk. I went to walk away, even though I love her to the bottom of my heart, and she told me not to. We then decided to put the child to my parents and go away for a couple of days. During these couple of days, we talked about everything. All she had ever wanted, up until the last couple of months where she had doubts (she only just told me while we were away) was to get married to me, have good jobs, and have more children. It was all I ever wanted to. I saved up every spare penny I could find to put towards the wedding. The days we were away were brilliant, we both felt like we could make things work. When we got back, normality set in and so did the realisation of what she did. I put her under pressure to tell me she still wanted all these things with me, and she couldn't. She walked out and went to stay with her mum. We emailed each other for the next few days after that, laying bare exactly how we felt, and what we thought we would need to do in order to fix it, if we were to get back together. I then chose to ignore her for a couple of days, and told her that if she didn't come back at the end of the week then that was it. So her and the wee one moved back in, and again, for the first couple of days things seemed ok. Then after she seemed to be coming back from her nursing placement looking down and unhappy, so again I put her on the spot about it as the uncertainty was killing me. We then both agreed that it was perhaps for the best for her to move out. I did not want it at all, but with her saying she wanted me one second then not being sure the next, it was too painful to carry on. She told me she thought she had only come back cos she saw how much it was hurting me. She had also told me she didn't want to get in contact with this person again. This was two days ago now. Yesterday, I set myself up a facebook page. I went onto the page of the person who she slept with and noticed that she had made friends with him on facebook. This sent me over the edge. Before we moved into this house, we had a contract drawn up to say she would get back what she paid into the house. The contract stipulated that, in the eventuality of us splitting up, I would get three months to raise this cash. Prior to finding out she had friended him on facebook, I managed to speak to my folks who said they would give me the money straight away as she had arranged to move all her possessions in this house into a new place this coming Friday. I called her and asked her why she friended him. She said she didn't know, she didn't know as to whether it was just lust or if she wanted to see him again. I lost it and said she would have to wait the three months and we cut the call off after that rather abruptly. I just can't understand why she would do this, mess me about like this. I was so close with her dad's side of the family, I had no time for her mums side as they are all up themselves and have never accepted me. This is due to her airing any problems we have had in our relationship to them, and with them being close knit word would spread around. She would go up and see my mum without me, they were more like friends. I am absolutely distraught at the moment. Even though I know it is and it is for the best, I can't accept that everything I have ever worked towards for us has now crumbled. She says she doesn't know what she wants. I love her so much, I can't sleep at night, I wake up at 5 each morning and I can't eat. With me being on facebook now, it also seems that a lot of the people I know share this guy as a mutual friend. Where I live is such a goldfish bowl that it appears everyone knows everyone. I just feel that everyone will laugh at me. How do I overcome this. I have lost the two people I love the most. I feel like I don't even know her. She has always been a relatively undecisive person, and I know that she is confused as well. I just can't seem to rationalise it and get any closure on it. I know it has only been two days but the incident happened three weeks ago now. I just do not know where to go from this.
mephisto Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Hi, what a story!! I dont know about you,but I would feel I wasted many years on her and not willing to waste a second more. This is betrayal!! Your life is too precious to even consider hand it over to some unworthy person. Afraid of being alone ? It will go away! Right now you are hurt and wont see clearly but later on you will be happy you dodged this bullet. When a person betrays you like this is disrecarding not only all your feelings but also your existence. Her values are below your standards. Next time you wake up at 5 and start thinking of her, remember that for her your 6 years are less than a night stand with some random dude. Painful but true. Take charge of the situation, cut all contact and I bet you anything she will be back within the next 3 months knocking your door when the random dude kicks her out of the curve. This is just another classic. Stay strong !! Hi all My life at the moment feels like it is over, my partner of 6 years, engaged for 2, who has a 9 year old girl that I have brought up as my own, has walked out on me after her having a one night stand. We have always had quite a volatile relationship, but not to the point that we would split up over it. We have both being studying for qualifications and live together. With us being on a shoestring budget, things have been stressed over the last few months. I was meant to go to a wedding with her, didn't, and she slept with some guy. This was three weeks ago. She phoned me up at work the next day in tears to tell me. I came home, and was inconsolable. I regrettably ended up slapping her as she kept trying to hug me. She left. We met up two days after. We talked about why, she said she didn't know and was really drunk, however I just spoke to her dad there who has said she told him the day after she wasn't too drunk. I went to walk away, even though I love her to the bottom of my heart, and she told me not to. We then decided to put the child to my parents and go away for a couple of days. During these couple of days, we talked about everything. All she had ever wanted, up until the last couple of months where she had doubts (she only just told me while we were away) was to get married to me, have good jobs, and have more children. It was all I ever wanted to. I saved up every spare penny I could find to put towards the wedding. The days we were away were brilliant, we both felt like we could make things work. When we got back, normality set in and so did the realisation of what she did. I put her under pressure to tell me she still wanted all these things with me, and she couldn't. She walked out and went to stay with her mum. We emailed each other for the next few days after that, laying bare exactly how we felt, and what we thought we would need to do in order to fix it, if we were to get back together. I then chose to ignore her for a couple of days, and told her that if she didn't come back at the end of the week then that was it. So her and the wee one moved back in, and again, for the first couple of days things seemed ok. Then after she seemed to be coming back from her nursing placement looking down and unhappy, so again I put her on the spot about it as the uncertainty was killing me. We then both agreed that it was perhaps for the best for her to move out. I did not want it at all, but with her saying she wanted me one second then not being sure the next, it was too painful to carry on. She told me she thought she had only come back cos she saw how much it was hurting me. She had also told me she didn't want to get in contact with this person again. This was two days ago now. Yesterday, I set myself up a facebook page. I went onto the page of the person who she slept with and noticed that she had made friends with him on facebook. This sent me over the edge. Before we moved into this house, we had a contract drawn up to say she would get back what she paid into the house. The contract stipulated that, in the eventuality of us splitting up, I would get three months to raise this cash. Prior to finding out she had friended him on facebook, I managed to speak to my folks who said they would give me the money straight away as she had arranged to move all her possessions in this house into a new place this coming Friday. I called her and asked her why she friended him. She said she didn't know, she didn't know as to whether it was just lust or if she wanted to see him again. I lost it and said she would have to wait the three months and we cut the call off after that rather abruptly. I just can't understand why she would do this, mess me about like this. I was so close with her dad's side of the family, I had no time for her mums side as they are all up themselves and have never accepted me. This is due to her airing any problems we have had in our relationship to them, and with them being close knit word would spread around. She would go up and see my mum without me, they were more like friends. I am absolutely distraught at the moment. Even though I know it is and it is for the best, I can't accept that everything I have ever worked towards for us has now crumbled. She says she doesn't know what she wants. I love her so much, I can't sleep at night, I wake up at 5 each morning and I can't eat. With me being on facebook now, it also seems that a lot of the people I know share this guy as a mutual friend. Where I live is such a goldfish bowl that it appears everyone knows everyone. I just feel that everyone will laugh at me. How do I overcome this. I have lost the two people I love the most. I feel like I don't even know her. She has always been a relatively undecisive person, and I know that she is confused as well. I just can't seem to rationalise it and get any closure on it. I know it has only been two days but the incident happened three weeks ago now. I just do not know where to go from this.
Author alonelyfigure Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 Hi, what a story!! I dont know about you,but I would feel I wasted many years on her and not willing to waste a second more. This is betrayal!! Your life is too precious to even consider hand it over to some unworthy person. Afraid of being alone ? It will go away! Right now you are hurt and wont see clearly but later on you will be happy you dodged this bullet. When a person betrays you like this is disrecarding not only all your feelings but also your existence. Her values are below your standards. Next time you wake up at 5 and start thinking of her, remember that for her your 6 years are less than a night stand with some random dude. Painful but true. Take charge of the situation, cut all contact and I bet you anything she will be back within the next 3 months knocking your door when the random dude kicks her out of the curve. This is just another classic. Stay strong !! I just feel like I need to get closure on it. I know in my head it is over but my heart can't accept that suddenly she wants the thrill of sex with someone as opposed to the relationship she had with me.
mephisto Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 You already had your closure : she moved out and back to the other guy. Of course its hard to swallow but it is what you got. I wouldnt contact her for closure, it will make you look sad and pathetic, leave alone that will draw her closer to the other guy. Take charge!! And keep talking about it,dont keep it all for yourself. Strangers are the best advisers...they dont give a damn about you or your partner, all based on facts. I just feel like I need to get closure on it. I know in my head it is over but my heart can't accept that suddenly she wants the thrill of sex with someone as opposed to the relationship she had with me.
Savage4 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Sounds like a terribly painful situation. Your girlfriend sounds like she is very confused and doesn't know what she is doing or what she wants in life right now. She has a 9 year old daughter and is sleeping around, moving here, moving there, and tells you she doesn't know what she is doing. She should start settling down or at least look for something more stable for her daughters sake. If you try to get closure from her now I don't think she will give you a straight answer as she can't even give herself one. Maybe a couple months down the road if you still feel the need you can try for closure. If she comes back to you how will you ever be able to trust her again? She is very indecisive right now and you would be on the edge of your seat for a long time to come... Just something to keep in mind.
Author alonelyfigure Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 Sounds like a terribly painful situation. Your girlfriend sounds like she is very confused and doesn't know what she is doing or what she wants in life right now. She has a 9 year old daughter and is sleeping around, moving here, moving there, and tells you she doesn't know what she is doing. She should start settling down or at least look for something more stable for her daughters sake. If you try to get closure from her now I don't think she will give you a straight answer as she can't even give herself one. Maybe a couple months down the road if you still feel the need you can try for closure. If she comes back to you how will you ever be able to trust her again? She is very indecisive right now and you would be on the edge of your seat for a long time to come... Just something to keep in mind. Maybe in a few months I would but I can't hold onto that thought, especially for my own sanity. She is a very confused person, I do not think she has done this on purpose but it is seriously messing me up. I am currently in my final two weeks of exams as well and I can't focus on anything. The longer term repercussions of this all could be devastating for me. I believe though that where there is love, there is always hope things can be sorted, and what is meant for me won't pass me by. But I suppose this will both give us time to work that out for ourselves. I don't actually believe she would be able to give any closure at all, with this being so utterly out of character and incomprehensible.
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