DjinnAgain Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 The guy I liked who for all the world seemed like he liked me but said he didn't even as he called to talk to me every day, sent me good morning and good night texts, went out of his way, etc. ---- did like me. He got angry when I said I was dating again and told me that it's too soon and that's why he said he didn't like me to give me more time. While he might be right and I won't deny him that, 1. You probably shouldn't make a decision for another person 2. He probably should have told me the real reason why instead of just acting in a confusing manner and making me think he was just too immature to know himself. Was I just supposed to wait around single for him to decide I was ready, all while having no clue that was happening? The funny thing is, liking him so much when I hadn't felt much desire before him is what made me decide to start looking afterall even with the doubt I'd ever be ready to be involved again.
Kamille Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Wait what? He was waiting for you to be "ready" before he told you he liked you? I'm sorry, I don't buy it. (How old is he?) I think he's displaying classic commitment-phobe behavior. He kept his distances, likely thinking that would give him control. The man wants what he cannot get / did not want what he could.
Author DjinnAgain Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 He is my age (27). He really wants marriage and kids but he does have some signs of being less emotionally mature than the typical mid to late twenties guy - He has been engaged 3 times and each time the woman left him and he does seem to think it's a sign of women's lack of constancy not of the ones he chose. I am sympathetic to that. I am sympathetic to that I have not spent a huge amount of time in my life single and that could be a huge red flag. But regardless, him acting like he liked me a lot while saying he didn't and then getting angry the second I look elsewhere was frustrating.
d'Arthez Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Engaged 3 times, and 3 times the women called it off? Sounds like some serious issues. The only constant in these near misses is him. Whether that is the selection of women, or the behaviours he displayed towards these women is another matter. BTW, making decisions for a prospective significant other, without even giving him or her a chance to give his / her own input on the matter is a huge red flag.
Kamille Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 He is my age (27). He really wants marriage and kids but he does have some signs of being less emotionally mature than the typical mid to late twenties guy - He has been engaged 3 times and each time the woman left him and he does seem to think it's a sign of women's lack of constancy not of the ones he chose. I am sympathetic to that. I take it that when he brought up his "tactic" you two had an upfront conversation and that you told him he couldn't make those decisions for you? Would you be willing to give him a chance?
Author DjinnAgain Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 I take it that when he brought up his "tactic" you two had an upfront conversation and that you told him he couldn't make those decisions for you? Would you be willing to give him a chance? I am frankly not sure. I don't mind if someone has their own issues; I have mine -- but that he didn't recognize his faulty reasoning and was upset with me about it might just push it in the no way category. It would have been different if he told me originally that was his concern. I really liked him. Not to mention I have a child and I can't date somebody who can't be emotionally mature. It wouldn't be fair.
Emilia Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Hmmm timing is a funny thing. I think to have any kind of chance for a relationship, mind reading cannot be a requirement from either parties. Both people have to be ready to date, ready for possibilities, ready for opportunities, ready for openness. If he was engaged 3 times and that was broken each time, I'd say he probably has major conflict resolution issues. For a 27 year-old being engaged 3 times suggests a degree of impulsive behaviour as well. I'd say he isn't the steady, confident type you need as a single mother.
Recommended Posts