Sunflower22 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 My husband and I have been having some major issues and we have been butting heads on these issues for about a month now. Before this we were both somewhat emotionally closed off to each other. Well the major issue is that I wanted him toquit his job because he is traveling a lot and we have two very young children. I feel like I am already living like a single mother because he is gone so much. I gave him an ultamatium about 3 weeks ago to either quit his job and stay home or loose us. Well at first he chose us but then after thinking about it he came to me and told me that he felt our relationship had some key issues and that he was not sure our relationship was very stable so that he was not willing to quit his job until we fix the relationship. He told me if the relationship got back on track in a couple of months he would then quit his job. All the time telling me that he wants his job and his family. I just feel that I am to stressed and doing to much work with him gone all the time. Plus his job is like a party time when he is on the road. He told me if I wanted to go down the divorce path and not work on our relationship we could do that also. I am so torn here. He is so calm about these options and at times I don't think he cares if I leave him or not or at least I guess at this point he has made it clear he can live without me his job is first. when talking about his job all he talks about is money and how much opportunity comes with his career and that this is what he wants to do. But he doesn't care how difficult it is for me. Things have sort of gotten out of control in the last 3 weeks. and I have backed down a lot in fear of divorce. I did go see a divorce attorney to get information on my rights and he found out cause it turns out he had my phone tapped. He is very upset that I did not tell him about this and has stated that he is not sure if there is anything left in our marriage to save. I am honestly scared of divorce. I am scared of ripping my family apart. My daughter who loves her father is 2 years old and my son only 5 months. They are my world and I don't want them bouncing from house to house, I don't want their father in honesty to have control over them when I am not there as I don't always agree with his judgement. He has told me he will fight for as much custody as possible and give me as little as possible. I am so torn. He says that I have not treated him right either because I yell at him a lot which is true because when he leaves me 4 days a week I am resentful. I go back and forth about not wanting to be alone and loose him and then not wanting him in my life. I hate hearing about his job but I have to listen to him. At this point it truly makes me sick. He has made his whole life about money and not caring about our family, about the kids or me. We are going to counseling. Have only had one session so far. Can this be fixed. I feel like we are both emotionally cut off from each other, all we share now is our wonderful children. Now that I have backed off about his job and he is getting what he wants he seems happy. I am personally having mixed feelings and I don't know this man. but then I feel that I have a lot at stake. The counselor did say that I should be able to go out once a week since he gets his social time with work and I'm going to do that. When I told him I'm going out with friends he gets upset doesn't seem to like the idea. Can anyone help me out here, is this saveable or are we wasting our time. What does it mean when two people get to this point. He has told me that I should stay in the marriage because my life wont be any better without him. He has told me that no man wants a woman seriously with two small children to raise. I am scared and confussed.
tojaz Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Just about any marriage can be repaired if there are two people willing to put in the time and effort. Right now it doesn't sound like you have that though. From your description he sounds like a very controlling person who acts rather callously toward his family in favor of his career. It may be that he sees working on a lucrative career as his best contribution to the family and its well being so he has put his efforts there. I don't think its fair to ask him to quit his job, but from the sound of it, it sounds like it has taken priority over everything else thus far and thats not fair for the family, nor are his callous way of treating you. Continuing with counseling can be a big help for both of you, I would also take your nights out with friends so he has some time to see what your contribution is like as well. Maybe there is a way he could remain in his job, but reduce his time away so that he can get back in touch with the needs of the family again. All things to bring up in counseling. TOJAZ
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