"utter despair.... poisoned still further by a shred of hope"

[Own Worst Enemy]

i know it's a bit w*nky, but that quote does sum things up for me. why is it that our brains/hearts can find the one tiny chink of light in the otherwise massive darkness and make something out of it? we know it's false hope. we know it doesn't mean anything. we know logically, rationally, factually that nothing has changed.

 

and still we fabricate something out of nothing and cling onto it. then wonder why it hurts twice as much when it's ripped away again. does anyone have any tips on how to STOP doing this?!

 

in my case, the relationship lasted 3 months, but the break-up (which is basically a relationship without any s*x) has limped on for 9 months. now he is telling me on the one hand that he needs to date other girls and on the other hand that our friendship is the most important thing in his life, that he loves me, that he hasn't dated or slept with anyone else since because of me, and (as mentioned in a previous thread) the problem is physical and things might be different if i lost weight (they wouldn't be. i'm at the most 10-14lbs overweight!). so i told him never to contact me again unless he wanted to have a serious talk about us. he agreed, said he did want the talk, but he is struggling right now. he goes through these rough patches, plus he's just had an operation. plus he is a self-absorbed little narcissist, who needs to fall into his own navel and drown.

 

anyway, he lasted 4 days before emailing to say: "sorry to contact you outside of what was agreed, but i want you to know that i am struggling, blah blah". stupidly i emailed back, because i am worried about him when he gets in these depressed phases, and now the emails are almost back to "normal". eg he admitted he had bought me a ticket for a boat party "just in case we had sorted out our problems by then" and has been emailing/texting from 7am good morning texts to midnight goodnight texts.

 

urgh. i know full damn well that he will do this until he goes on the inevitable online dates and meets someone else. i know that it doesn't mean anything. so why do i let him do it? why?!?

 

sorry to rant at you guys..... but some common sense might help me..... x

[gemgem]

Its horrible I know, even more so when they give u hope then snatch it away from u and make u feel rotten. This is what my ex did yesterday, said.. I didnt say "we could never get bak together, i just need time to figure out what i want" but he still wants to meet as friends etc, and then i stupidly asked him if when we where meeting up where we classing it as a date he put bk "dunno sorry" wtf goes on in there tiny little brainsss im so hurt, upset and depressed becos he really did seem to love me an wana be with me he always used to cuddle and kiss me. I just feel so lost xxx