singlegirl25 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 hello, i and my boyfriend( my ex boyfriend) lasted for 5 years, he is my first love.. my first everything. he is also my first boyfriend.. I loved him so much. he cheated on me many times but i forgave him and took him back many times because i love him. But then last February he asked me for time and space because he said he wanted some time to fix his problems financially and his problems in his family.. so i agreed to it; because he told me he would be back for a month or two.. but after a month, his friend told me that he is with someone already for 4 months and she is already almost 20 years older than him. When I received the news.. my heart just stopped and it is really painful. I called him and i thought we were alright again... but then after a week or so.. he changed already,, he isnt the same guy i knew, and he told me that it is not the right time for us to get back together, and he is saying that it was my fault why we ended up like this because i have no time for him.. that i am always nagging him// and he promised that he will eventually go back to me.. Its been a month already but im still hurt. I still love him,, and i heard some news that he and the girl are always talking about me and makinf fun of me.. dont know what to do.. can somebody help me on this?
d'Arthez Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Seriously, what is good about a serial cheat? Who is treating you with contempt? Stick to NC, and forget about the guy. As painful as it is, there won't be a happy ending with this guy. You can do better than him.
Author singlegirl25 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 Seriously, what is good about a serial cheat? Who is treating you with contempt? Stick to NC, and forget about the guy. As painful as it is, there won't be a happy ending with this guy. You can do better than him. thanks:) i guess so.. im kinds depressed because he told me that it was all my fault why he did those things.. and i still have regrets and i keep blaming myself why i wasn't able to give him all the things he needed
d'Arthez Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 He sounds like a user, who refuses to accept personal responsibility, and thinks the world revolves around him. You deserve better than that. And you know it.
Author singlegirl25 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 He sounds like a user' date=' who refuses to accept personal responsibility, and thinks the world revolves around him. You deserve better than that. And you know it.[/quote'] AGREEE.. *sigh.. thanks for that arthez
d'Arthez Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 You are welcome. It will be hard to make the adjustment, to really to come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over, and that he treated you as appallingly as he has. He blames you, so that he does not have to accept his own responsibility. It is not you, it is him who has the issues. You deserve better than him, and he does not even deserve to be any part of your life. Remember that: you deserve way better than he has given you. And he won't give you better than what he has given you in the past 5 years. I fear he may even be trying to get back to you or with you when things do not work out with this other woman.
Author singlegirl25 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 You are welcome. It will be hard to make the adjustment, to really to come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over, and that he treated you as appallingly as he has. He blames you, so that he does not have to accept his own responsibility. It is not you, it is him who has the issues. You deserve better than him, and he does not even deserve to be any part of your life. Remember that: you deserve way better than he has given you. And he won't give you better than what he has given you in the past 5 years. I fear he may even be trying to get back to you or with you when things do not work out with this other woman. its really hard, where in fact i was used to have him always by my side, i agree with that, because the last time we talked, he told me that he will get back to me and he will marry me... yeah. i really dont deserve him.. despite of everything ive sacrificed and gave to him.. he told me that i am the one that he truly loves.. but i know it was a lie, because if you really love a person, you wouldnt cheat and leave right?
d'Arthez Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 If you really love a person, you would not 1) cheat on them 2) leave them 3) blame them for everything 4) keep them on a string Really. He is the kind of boyfriend that gives pond scum a bad name. You can do so much better than him.
Author singlegirl25 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 If you really love a person, you would not 1) cheat on them 2) leave them 3) blame them for everything 4) keep them on a string Really. He is the kind of boyfriend that gives pond scum a bad name. You can do so much better than him. totally agree on that.. i dont knoe how we lasted for 5 years despite of everything.. maybe because of my constant nagging on him and lack of communcation is the reason of him being that way.he wanted me to do things like :he wants me to be with his friends and drink all night, but never did that .. but his present gf is always on the go.. giving him everything .. and that makes me feel inferior.. she is 43 years old but still looks like 26 sexy and beautiful... * sigh
d'Arthez Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 I don't know what exactly happened in your relationship. But if communication has been an issue, it is not surprising that he made it out you were nagging (to avoid the responsibility of actually doing something). Not sure how old your ex is, but he may have been using your inexperience in relationships to his advantage.
Author singlegirl25 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 I don't know what exactly happened in your relationship. But if communication has been an issue, it is not surprising that he made it out you were nagging (to avoid the responsibility of actually doing something). Not sure how old your ex is, but he may have been using your inexperience in relationships to his advantage. he is 21 years old.. same as i.. we were both been together after highschool. our relationship was hidden from my parents for four years since they dont like him.. We became formal to my parents after 4 years of being together after I graduated from college.
d'Arthez Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 You are still young. You are hurting now. Spend your time to heal and recover, and worked on your issues (trust, because of your ex's cheating). Perhaps communication as well, though communication depends on two parties, and it may be the case your ex contributed to the problems in that department as well. "Nagging" is often happening when someone does not want to do what he or she is asked to do. That does not mean that the "nag" is necessarily unreasonable. Spend your time healing and working on yourself. Before you know it you'll be ready to have a good man in your life. Someone who is a lot better than your ex.
Author singlegirl25 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 You are still young. You are hurting now. Spend your time to heal and recover, and worked on your issues (trust, because of your ex's cheating). Perhaps communication as well, though communication depends on two parties, and it may be the case your ex contributed to the problems in that department as well. "Nagging" is often happening when someone does not want to do what he or she is asked to do. That does not mean that the "nag" is necessarily unreasonable. Spend your time healing and working on yourself. Before you know it you'll be ready to have a good man in your life. Someone who is a lot better than your ex. currently still working on it... im just keeping myself busy to forget him.. i dont know but he and his girlfriend is planning to get marry( according to my source).. just hoping someday i can find that special someone who will treat me right ...
d'Arthez Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 You'll meet that person. Also make it clear to your friends and your sources, you don't need any info about your ex and his dealings.
Author singlegirl25 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 yea.. it will just bring back all the pain when i hear news about him.. actually he was the one who cut off all the communications we had for more than a month now
d'Arthez Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 You are better off without the communication, since it would only remind you of all the things you have lived through, all the pains you have suffered, and that he seems to be happy with this new woman in his life. Not the kind of messages you need. Work on yourself, improve yourself. Take your revenge by becoming happier than he could ever make you. 1
stillafool Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 currently still working on it... im just keeping myself busy to forget him.. i dont know but he and his girlfriend is planning to get marry( according to my source).. just hoping someday i can find that special someone who will treat me right ... Sorry for what you are going through. Tell your "source" to stop bringing you information about your ex bf. It is not helping you in getting over him. You need to go complete NO CONTACT, NO INFO in order to heal. Stop blaming yourself that you did something wrong to cause this breakup. You did nothing to cause this as he is the one who cheated and chose this woman probably for the sex. In time you will realize you dodged a bullet. You are right to not want to hang out and drink all night. What good has that ever done anybody? Try to get involved in a new activity that you've never done before. Learn to surf of something that will give you thrills and meet new people. I don't know if you are spritual but if so, pray. You might be surprised that this could turn out to be a good summer afterall for you.
Author singlegirl25 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 Sorry for what you are going through. Tell your "source" to stop bringing you information about your ex bf. It is not helping you in getting over him. You need to go complete NO CONTACT, NO INFO in order to heal. Stop blaming yourself that you did something wrong to cause this breakup. You did nothing to cause this as he is the one who cheated and chose this woman probably for the sex. In time you will realize you dodged a bullet. You are right to not want to hang out and drink all night. What good has that ever done anybody? Try to get involved in a new activity that you've never done before. Learn to surf of something that will give you thrills and meet new people. I don't know if you are spritual but if so, pray. You might be surprised that this could turn out to be a good summer afterall for you. thank you for that stillafool yeah..agree on that.. Im just having this guilt feeling because of those things that i did to him.. But you are right, he was the one who cheated not only once, twice or thrice but many many times. He lied to me straight into my face. I know im still young but this is so painful. I prayed many times.. til now and i know someday ill gonna find someone who will treat me right and respect me as a person
Author singlegirl25 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 You are better off without the communication, since it would only remind you of all the things you have lived through, all the pains you have suffered, and that he seems to be happy with this new woman in his life. Not the kind of messages you need. Work on yourself, improve yourself. Take your revenge by becoming happier than he could ever make you. yeah.. he is really happy with her, and i think he is really in love with her right now. I want to be happy I want to become the better me... Thanks for that arthez.. Actually this is my first post in this site .. and this helped me a lot..
goldengirl11 Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Sorry for what you are going through. Tell your "source" to stop bringing you information about your ex bf. It is not helping you in getting over him. You need to go complete NO CONTACT, NO INFO in order to heal. Stop blaming yourself that you did something wrong to cause this breakup. You did nothing to cause this as he is the one who cheated and chose this woman probably for the sex. In time you will realize you dodged a bullet. You are right to not want to hang out and drink all night. What good has that ever done anybody? Try to get involved in a new activity that you've never done before. Learn to surf of something that will give you thrills and meet new people. I don't know if you are spritual but if so, pray. You might be surprised that this could turn out to be a good summer afterall for you. You say he probably left for the sex. Weren't they anyway having sex then? What could she have offered that the OP didn't? Was she working with him or something? Will have to read OP's post again.
Author singlegirl25 Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 You say he probably left for the sex. Weren't they anyway having sex then? What could she have offered that the OP didn't? Was she working with him or something? Will have to read OP's post again. i forgot to tell you that we were in a long distance relationship... because after graduation.. i went home to my home town and thats it.. maybe because of the sex issue?. isnt it?
goldengirl11 Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 (edited) i forgot to tell you that we were in a long distance relationship... because after graduation.. i went home to my home town and thats it.. maybe because of the sex issue?. isnt it? Oh I see. Well we don't know? I'm very sorry to hear about it. I can understand what you're going through. I guess we can only plod on and hope they realise at some point they made a mistake, by which time we've probably moved on though. I wish you luck. Edited May 21, 2012 by goldengirl11
Hope4anangel Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 You deserve better. As much as it hurts, you need to try and forget about him and move on. Once a cheat, always a cheat in my opinion.
Trimmer Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Im just having this guilt feeling because of those things that i did to him.. Do you really think - objectively - that you did wrong by him, or do you think that because he told you? i know someday ill gonna find someone who will treat me right and respect me as a person Well, at least it's hopeful that you are envisioning your life with someone else in it in the future, instead of imagining hanging around until this guy comes back to hand out more immaturity and disrespect.
Author singlegirl25 Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Oh I see. Well we don't know? I'm very sorry to hear about it. I can understand what you're going through. I guess we can only plod on and hope they realise at some point they made a mistake, by which time we've probably moved on though. I wish you luck. yeah... Actually he said sorry for what he had done to me.. I forgave him. But still the pain remains the same,, everytime I think of him..the pain still remains the same.. now that im not the one who owns his heart..
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