NateC Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 (The title makes some sense, but couldn't put "help" in it...) I've been helping a friend of mine cope with a recent breakup with her ex. They dated for about a month in college before he broke it off because he was transferring out of state and didn't want a LDR. In short, she's taking it very hard. She's told me that she felt he was "the right guy" and truly felt that she would marry him some day if they dated longer. She's told me how much she misses him and all that...a couple days ago she actually called him and he said he didn't want to speak to her anymore - she was crushed. I've been helping her for the past month by allowing her to vent and attempting to re-assure her that she *will* find someone who will give her the same emotions as this guy...only that guy will stay. Basically...I'm running out of things to tell her. I know a lot of the healing is with herself dealing with her emotions, but I really do want to help her. Thoughts?
Savage4 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 She dated this guy for one month and she thinks he is 'the one'? Tell her she is crazy. Considering your name is Nate i'm assuming you're a guy. If you want to help her how about you fill in as her rebound. That will take her mind off things.
sweetheart5381 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 She dated this guy for one month and she thinks he is 'the one'? Tell her she is crazy. Considering your name is Nate i'm assuming you're a guy. If you want to help her how about you fill in as her rebound. That will take her mind off things. Nate could be short for Natalie... Savage you seem to have a mind for judging based on gender. Just sayin Also you are clearly quite young or just silly to suggest being a sexual "rebound" for a friend. Life will teach you some lessons my friend. To the OP - love is crazy, it spins the mind and as a friend all you can do is to do your best to understand how they feel from their standpoint, not your own and not judge them. They will wake up and smell the coffee at some point - the friend's job is to simply put a smile on their face and keep them feeling good about themself, especially when they feel like crap.
NjnearGeek20 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 The friend's job is to simply put a smile on their face and keep them feeling good about themself, especially when they feel like crap. Actually I value brutal honesty from my friends. I wouldn't go so far as call her crazy but try to reason with her about how that if he left her, that he definitely isn't "the one" since he is selfish and lazy enough not to do a LDR.
Author NateC Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 She dated this guy for one month and she thinks he is 'the one'? Tell her she is crazy. Considering your name is Nate i'm assuming you're a guy. If you want to help her how about you fill in as her rebound. That will take her mind off things. I'm a guy. And no, I don't want to fill in as a rebound...that's not right. However, I'm not going to lie and say that I don't have feelings for her myself... Nate could be short for Natalie... Savage you seem to have a mind for judging based on gender. Just sayin Also you are clearly quite young or just silly to suggest being a sexual "rebound" for a friend. Life will teach you some lessons my friend. To the OP - love is crazy, it spins the mind and as a friend all you can do is to do your best to understand how they feel from their standpoint, not your own and not judge them. They will wake up and smell the coffee at some point - the friend's job is to simply put a smile on their face and keep them feeling good about themself, especially when they feel like crap. Right. It's hard to see someone beat themselves up over something like this...but I do understand what she's going through. I've managed to make her smile on numerous occasions even though we live two hours from each other. Actually I value brutal honesty from my friends. I wouldn't go so far as call her crazy but try to reason with her about how that if he left her, that he definitely isn't "the one" since he is selfish and lazy enough not to do a LDR. Hm...I haven't tried the whole reasoning thing yet with her because I have no idea how she'll take it. I guess that's an option, though.
Savage4 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Nate could be short for Natalie... Savage you seem to have a mind for judging based on gender. Just sayin Also you are clearly quite young or just silly to suggest being a sexual "rebound" for a friend. Life will teach you some lessons my friend. To the OP - love is crazy, it spins the mind and as a friend all you can do is to do your best to understand how they feel from their standpoint, not your own and not judge them. They will wake up and smell the coffee at some point - the friend's job is to simply put a smile on their face and keep them feeling good about themself, especially when they feel like crap. Are you judging me again sweetheart5381? I find that very offensive! First of all I simply said I was making an assumption... not judging. Anyways, you are just as guilty of judging me, and you reek of the man-hating double standard sexist garbage. Just sayin I was joking when I said he should be her rebound. I have been a "rebound" before and had my heart broken because of it. I have also had friendships fall apart because of complications resulting from sexual relations. It's clear that this girl was infatuated with lust, not love. She'll eventually find a new guy and forget she even dated this last guy. I'm a guy. And no, I don't want to fill in as a rebound...that's not right. However, I'm not going to lie and say that I don't have feelings for her myself... Right. It's hard to see someone beat themselves up over something like this...but I do understand what she's going through. I've managed to make her smile on numerous occasions even though we live two hours from each other. Hm...I haven't tried the whole reasoning thing yet with her because I have no idea how she'll take it. I guess that's an option, though. If your friend is beating herself up over it tell her to ask herself why? Did she do something in the relationship that would justify her beating herself up? Or was it out of her control simply because her bf was moving away?
Author NateC Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 Are you judging me again sweetheart5381? I find that very offensive! First of all I simply said I was making an assumption... not judging. Anyways, you are just as guilty of judging me, and you reek of the man-hating double standard sexist garbage. Just sayin I was joking when I said he should be her rebound. I have been a "rebound" before and had my heart broken because of it. I have also had friendships fall apart because of complications resulting from sexual relations. It's clear that this girl was infatuated with lust, not love. She'll eventually find a new guy and forget she even dated this last guy. If your friend is beating herself up over it tell her to ask herself why? Did she do something in the relationship that would justify her beating herself up? Or was it out of her control simply because her bf was moving away? She got really attached to him...and him, not so much. She's had a rocky past with boyfriends and such...so that doesn't help either. It's completely out of her control and she's having trouble coping and moving on.
Savage4 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Advise her to take things slower next time. She might do it naturally anyways in order to protect her heart from getting broken so easily. One month is not long enough to allow yourself to get that attached. She will be sad due to her loss but she should not be beating herself up since she did nothing wrong. Considering her rocky past with boyfriends she may want to spend some time single and work on herself. Her happiness needs to come from within, not some guy. When she is in another relationship she should not be overly clingy.
Author NateC Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 Advise her to take things slower next time. She might do it naturally anyways in order to protect her heart from getting broken so easily. One month is not long enough to allow yourself to get that attached. She will be sad due to her loss but she should not be beating herself up since she did nothing wrong. Considering her rocky past with boyfriends she may want to spend some time single and work on herself. Her happiness needs to come from within, not some guy. When she is in another relationship she should not be overly clingy. Yeah...she's been having a rough time with it....up to a point where she's told me that she's through with dating because it's not worth it. I can see why she would think that way...and the only way for her to eventually think differently is with time I suppose. It's impacted me in a way because well...I've had a crush on her since even before she was dating her ex. Because of everything that's happened she's been opening up to me and we've grown a lot closer, and it's hard to separate my own feelings with what's right for her (so I don't become a rebound). For her sake though, I'm trying my best...a few tips on what to say every now and then always helps.
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