neptoon Posted June 24, 2004 Posted June 24, 2004 After seven months, I think I've come to the realization that I'm wickedly in love with my bf. Today, I'm not posting because there is a problem. I simply want to tell the world that this guy makes me dance on the clouds. He makes me want to do cartwheels. And I think he cares about me just as much. He always keeps his word with me, he's never broken a promise. He calls when he says he will, he does everything he promises he'll do. I was in a slump a few months ago because I came out of a bad relationship. I thought I was in love in that other situation but how could I have been? I had once thought my ex-bf was the greatest guy in the world but when I look back, he'd never kept his word with me. I was with that guy for 5 years, we were always happy during the good times but we fought like cats and dogs through the times when either of us were down. The guy never put any value on the things I did for him. We never had any talks about our future or anything really intimate about what was really going on inside our heads. When we broke up, I was devastated. We lived together for 3 years. On the day he left me, we didn't fight about anything significant. He simply just left. I found out he'd been lying to me for a while and I suspect he was seeing another woman (after we broke up and left our place, I had gone back for something a week later and found a condom). I thought I would die and my world just fell apart...it was probably one of the most devastating moments in my life. I thought of what irony it was when we sat in his car as we were going out for our morning cup of coffee, that he was leaving me. It was such a beautiful day, not a cloud in the sky. "How perverse!" I thought to myself, "We could have gone out and had a lot of fun today..." There was seemingly nothing wrong with our relationship, but at the core, I now realize that I had known it for a long time. He never discussed with me what issues he had with me. I didn't understand any of it. He said he didn't mean to break up with me like that on that day. We both cried. I spent months broken-hearted. I thought I would never find anyone else. I thought no one would ever care about me again. I thought I would be all alone forever. But, today, I realized that it was a blessing in disguise. I am with the most wonderful, caring man I've ever known. The first few months with him, I did not realize how wonderful he is. I spent my time being insecure and coping with the hurt that my ex brought me. My ex had called me at Christmas, saying that he still cared about me. I dwelled on that and went through a while of feeling guilty for holding him to the break-up (after we broke up and I had found the condom, my ex told me that we weren't "really broken up", at which point I had to tell him with no uncertainty that we were through). I told him I was seeing someone else when he called at Christmas (we had already been broken up for 4 months) and he cried and he made me feel so guilty about not giving him the time of day again, even though he dumped me for another woman, even though I paid rent on the whole place and forked out money to fix his car and gave him money to start his business, even though I wasn't entirely happy with the relationship. He always "borrowed" money from me (he ended up "borrowing" $11,000 that he never paid me back for), although he said he'd pay me back...he swore it up and down. But what could I expect -- he never kept his word from day 1, even with the little things. It's coming up on a year since my ex and I broke up and it was all for the better. Now that I look back, that beautiful day was a good omen. Before I was with this man, I had considered the possibility of taking him back one day if he ever changed. But, at the root of it, I realize he will never change because, at the core, he was not a man of his word, and, therefore, not a real man. I thought that beautiful day was the darkest day of my whole life but it turned out that it one of the best things that ever happened to me. I am with this man I know I will marry one day...hell, I might even be the one to ask him. I just wanted to post this because I want everyone who went through the hell that I went through for months to not give up on yourself. Someone who is better for you WILL come along and this person will be more than you can imagine in your darkest moment. Peace out, stay strong and true to yourself. Don't let these garbage ex's back into your life because it will stop you from meeting someone who is better for you. I would not be with the wonderful man I'm with today had I kept talking to my ex and not accepted the break up.
danny8630 Posted June 24, 2004 Posted June 24, 2004 Damn, thats good that there arent any problems. I know I have been the best guy my ex has been with except for a small space problem. I treat her like a kitten and buy her things. I wish she could realize and not be afraid to love me after a Very bad past relationship of hers involving a cheating partner.
Author neptoon Posted June 24, 2004 Author Posted June 24, 2004 Just keep being there for her, danny. She'll come around. It takes time to see and re-establish the ability to trust anyone again. Time really does heal all wounds. Be a friend to her and allow her to talk about it with you. It will help her build trust again.
danny8630 Posted June 24, 2004 Posted June 24, 2004 I will be there for her, I told her the light will be on as well as the door being open. I know she loves me and she just needs time for herself. Im just real scared that she might forget about me and me end up as just another guy friend.
Author neptoon Posted June 24, 2004 Author Posted June 24, 2004 Naw, don't sweat it, danny. Being there for her is about the best thing you can do to get close to her. If anything, guys will tend to forget about the girl once the hurt is gone. I think a woman tends to fall in love with a guy who helps her get past her hurt.
danny8630 Posted June 25, 2004 Posted June 25, 2004 I knew about what he did to her because I used to be his friend. She did not know until i told her. She cried and said she had a new respect for me. I keep telling everyone she's the greatest girl, which she is. She has stopped herself from taking me in because I dont know why. i asked her "so you wouldnt care at all if i got a new g/f tomorrow". Sadly and to my surprising she said something like " not really" She does love me, but our relationship is like a rollercoaster. We cuddle and say "i love you" to this day. But i dont know, she says "i can't have a relationship". It is understandable because she did just start a new job at night and she does have school(college)
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