monkey00 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 So I've come to the realization that what I'm missing from my life is a girl, specifically girlfriend. I've been single now for almost a year and I've had a lot of lousy dates with women from OLD. I had been on a few dates with this girl recently and thought we really hit it off and I had something great to look forward to until she stood me up for my date today. It took a blow to my ego and I guess also my happiness. I have a lot going for me in life - Well rounded, love traveling, play music, well paying job, own my own place, etc. I think the problem might be women find me interesting as a person but they probably don't see me in a romantic sense. I admit my venue for dating has been pretty lousy as every knows OLD is the worst. I'm not surprised either that the women I've been on dates with months ago are still on the dating site - they either aren't looking for anything serious or have serious baggage. At this point in my life, I don't feel adding new friends/forming friendships really add any value to my life. Social outings and meeting new people is feeling pretty pointless too. I have hobbies, but some days even those feel meaningless. I don't know how to shake this feeling but my daily life - work, home, eat, sleep, hangout with friends, chores, hobbies bring almost no meaning to my life unless there's someone else in the picture. I have been feeling empty the past couple months, and now I know why. In essence I'm missing that person to share my life with. But I won't be desperate about it either or settle for anyone. It also doesn't help either that everyone else my age is either married or are in a LTR. I'm just tired of being single and the dating scene. I'm happy/ok with my life, but could be happier. What should I do?
El Brujo Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Just turn your outlook around 180 degrees. If you're a cool guy, that's a loss to women, not to you. Work on yourself as much as you can, try things you never thought you'd enjoy, and enjoy them for YOURSELF. If this sounds a bit arrogant... well, IMO it's possible to earn the right to feel arrogant as long as you've accomplished something real, and you own it. But in any case, don't feel sorry for yourself.
Author monkey00 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 Yeah. Doesn't help either when my mom pesters me every time I visit on when I'm going to bring home a girl for her to meet. I agree with the saying 'you'll find happiness when you aren't looking', that's true for some...haven't really noticed that happen to me though. Thanks, I don't feel sorry for myself or what I've accomplished in life and I'm proud of it and the person I've become. If anything maybe I'm just feeling a bit hopeless...or I wonder what the point of life is sometimes.
soulm8 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 So I've come to the realization that what I'm missing from my life is a girl, specifically girlfriend. I've been single now for almost a year and I've had a lot of lousy dates with women from OLD. I had been on a few dates with this girl recently and thought we really hit it off and I had something great to look forward to until she stood me up for my date today. It took a blow to my ego and I guess also my happiness. I have a lot going for me in life - Well rounded, love traveling, play music, well paying job, own my own place, etc. I think the problem might be women find me interesting as a person but they probably don't see me in a romantic sense. I admit my venue for dating has been pretty lousy as every knows OLD is the worst. I'm not surprised either that the women I've been on dates with months ago are still on the dating site - they either aren't looking for anything serious or have serious baggage. At this point in my life, I don't feel adding new friends/forming friendships really add any value to my life. Social outings and meeting new people is feeling pretty pointless too. I have hobbies, but some days even those feel meaningless. I don't know how to shake this feeling but my daily life - work, home, eat, sleep, hangout with friends, chores, hobbies bring almost no meaning to my life unless there's someone else in the picture. I have been feeling empty the past couple months, and now I know why. In essence I'm missing that person to share my life with. But I won't be desperate about it either or settle for anyone. It also doesn't help either that everyone else my age is either married or are in a LTR. I'm just tired of being single and the dating scene. I'm happy/ok with my life, but could be happier. What should I do? A few months ago, I decided to purchase a new pet to see if that might help my lonliness. It has significantly! My life is just fine, and like you, it's only lacking a partner. Raising a baby parrot (he's 6 months old now) is surprisingly satisfying whatever was missing in my life. The plus side is once I get home from work, I take him out of his cage and he goes pretty much where ever I go... it's unbelievable how so many people go out of their way to start a conversation. It's also a wonderful feeling to see how this little guy lights up faces! 3
Laveli Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 So I've come to the realization that what I'm missing from my life is a girl, specifically girlfriend. I've been single now for almost a year and I've had a lot of lousy dates with women from OLD. I had been on a few dates with this girl recently and thought we really hit it off and I had something great to look forward to until she stood me up for my date today. It took a blow to my ego and I guess also my happiness. I have a lot going for me in life - Well rounded, love traveling, play music, well paying job, own my own place, etc. I think the problem might be women find me interesting as a person but they probably don't see me in a romantic sense. I admit my venue for dating has been pretty lousy as every knows OLD is the worst. I'm not surprised either that the women I've been on dates with months ago are still on the dating site - they either aren't looking for anything serious or have serious baggage. At this point in my life, I don't feel adding new friends/forming friendships really add any value to my life. Social outings and meeting new people is feeling pretty pointless too. I have hobbies, but some days even those feel meaningless. I don't know how to shake this feeling but my daily life - work, home, eat, sleep, hangout with friends, chores, hobbies bring almost no meaning to my life unless there's someone else in the picture. I have been feeling empty the past couple months, and now I know why. In essence I'm missing that person to share my life with. But I won't be desperate about it either or settle for anyone. It also doesn't help either that everyone else my age is either married or are in a LTR. I'm just tired of being single and the dating scene. I'm happy/ok with my life, but could be happier. What should I do? How old are you OP? I'm coming off of a breakup myself. It's been two months and it's still very hard. What helps me is keeping in touch with support groups/friends/family.
matte123 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Besides OLD, have you guys ask your family and friends if they can introduce you to women? Getting out to meet more people will may increase your chances at finding love. Soulm8's suggestion of getting a pet seems like a good way to ease one's loneliness.
Joaquin Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 You just have to keep going. I dont do OLD as it's not my thing, and for whatever reasons if I don't get a night out by 11.30pm on a Saturday, I knock back a few beers and just head out solo. Last time i talked to maybe five girls, got knocked back immediately by another five and ended up with a number from a girl who liked the look of my burger at the end of the nite. You just keep going.
mark 40 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Besides OLD, have you guys ask your family and friends if they can introduce you to women? Getting out to meet more people will may increase your chances at finding love. Soulm8's suggestion of getting a pet seems like a good way to ease one's loneliness. they claim its too much responsibility. one did once way back but it didn't work out.
Author monkey00 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 (edited) A few months ago, I decided to purchase a new pet to see if that might help my lonliness. It has significantly! My life is just fine, and like you, it's only lacking a partner. Raising a baby parrot (he's 6 months old now) is surprisingly satisfying whatever was missing in my life. The plus side is once I get home from work, I take him out of his cage and he goes pretty much where ever I go... it's unbelievable how so many people go out of their way to start a conversation. It's also a wonderful feeling to see how this little guy lights up faces! That's funny actually because for a long while I've been wanting to get a dog. I told my bro about this and he just gives me sh*t for it. He thinks I'm using it as an escape or something to fill/waste my time. That's only because he and his wife have 3 small dogs, so he bears the brunt of dog ownership...too bad for him. But it's true though, it is a real pain if you go on vacation or want to stay out with friends after work. But I know what you mean, I could probably make lots of friends (and meet girls) in my neighborhood by walking this fella in and out daily. I'll probably have to revisit this again soon. How old are you OP? I'm coming off of a breakup myself. It's been two months and it's still very hard. What helps me is keeping in touch with support groups/friends/family. I'm almost 28. My few friends and family exist as a support group but they wouldn't understand. My mom keeps wanting to hook me up with girls overseas, but I know I wouldn't like them. I only like Americanized women. Edited May 20, 2012 by monkey00
soulm8 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 That's funny actually because for a long while I've been wanting to get a dog. I told my bro about this and he just gives me sh*t for it. He thinks I'm using it as an escape or something to fill/waste my time. That's only because he and his wife have 3 small dogs, so he bears the brunt of dog ownership...too bad for him. But it's true though, it is a real pain if you go on vacation or want to stay out with friends after work. But I know what you mean, I could probably make lots of friends (and meet girls) in my neighborhood by walking this fella in and out daily. I'll probably have to revisit this again soon. I know what it's like to receive unsolicited advice based on the giver's experience... sometimes the advice has absolutely no relevance to your own situation! Perhaps your bro would consider you taking care of one of his dogs as a trial to lighten his load AND so you can see if a dog is a good choice? On another note, a quote that I keep in mind is, "Are you who the person you are looking for is looking for?"
Author monkey00 Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 I know what it's like to receive unsolicited advice based on the giver's experience... sometimes the advice has absolutely no relevance to your own situation! Perhaps your bro would consider you taking care of one of his dogs as a trial to lighten his load AND so you can see if a dog is a good choice? No it doesn't have any relevance. Actually he has offered and I rejected it, I don't like his dogs. Sounds like he really finds having the dogs annoying, he knows about it the best when he has to travel also. My dad has a dog too and finds it annoying. Sounds like it must be a love hate relationship. I think for me having a dog is just wishful thinking...might be more trouble than it's worth honestly. Funny thing is that a lot of people in my neighborhood and building have dogs. On another note, a quote that I keep in mind is, "Are you who the person you are looking for is looking for?" That's a bit confusing. Is that asking whether I'd want to date me if I were in another person's shoes?
mortensorchid Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Keep going. If you have not found out enough things about yourself, you have not matured enough. You sound like a good guy on paper, but truth be told, there is something lacking. And that something lacking, in my opinion, is a sense of adventure. How many risks have you taken? How many lessons have you learned in your life? Make a major change of some kind. You can and will learn things about yourself, but do not see that answer in another person. Because you can't always count on that other person to provide the answer (whatever that may be).
Ruby Slippers Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Yeah. Doesn't help either when my mom pesters me every time I visit on when I'm going to bring home a girl for her to meet. My mom got in this annoying habit a few months back of asking me every time I called her, "Do you have a boyfriend yet?" I just said, "No, Mom, and please stop asking. I'll let you know when I do." She hasn't said another word about it.
carhill Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Doesn't help either when my mom pesters me every time I visit on when I'm going to bring home a girl for her to meet. Problem identified. Parental expectations. Replay of old emotional tape. Visit less. Tell her to 'stop it'. There comes a time in every man's life when he must overtly push away his mother. Think about it.... this one issue (lack of a 'person' in your life) is over-riding all the positive things you have going for you. Does that sound healthy? How to beat it? Accept that, today, there's no 'woman' in your life. That's OK. Maybe there will be tomorrow. Who knows? Live for today. After a number of them, it'll all be over and you might lament all the time and traction you gave to something largely outside of your control. One opinion. 1
soulm8 Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 That's a bit confusing. Is that asking whether I'd want to date me if I were in another person's shoes? Sort of. It's also a reminder that not everyone you meet will be attracted to you and what you have to offer. Live your life and do your best to enjoy it so that when you do meet her... it's the icing on the cake.
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