zarilla Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Hey all, new to loveshack! I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I'll go ahead anyway... this is kind of a long story, if you get through the novel, I applaud and appreciate you. Last year I dated a guy several months, so not too long. I'm in my early twenties, he's in his late twenties. Though we weren't together that long, it got pretty serious pretty fast - he's probably the only guy I've ever dated who I realistically thought I could end up marrying. We were best friends. We broke up in late December. Basically, and I think he would agree, this relationship was REALLY bad timing. It really was the wrong time for both of us to begin a serious relationship. I was working and getting ready to start nursing school, and part way through our relationship he got promoted at his job and was working 60+ hour per week. A lot of poor communication lead to me feeling neglected and him feeling overwhelmed. (side note: a lot of the communication errors were due to the fact that we would text, a LOT. Constant contact is no good for a relationship and texting is the feeding ground for miscommunication.) I really wanted to stay together and work it out with him, because I knew it was all just a lack of communication, but he broke it off. At the time of the break up (and once about a month after) he told me he made the right decision and he didn't think we'd ever get back together, but "hopefully one day we could be friends" (so cliche, but I actually think he meant it). Of course, I was heartbroken, and I didn't ever expect him to come back into my life. I thought he'd made up his mind. Okay, so 3 months after we broke up I ran into him. I was shocked (and frankly, having a really bad day) so before he even saw me, I left. However, his friend did see me and told him what happened, and he ended up contacting me. He said he'd made a mistake and he really wanted to be "friends". Surprised and confused, I ended up meeting with him a week or so later, to hear him out. We had a really nice time (we ALWAYS have a great time together) and he wanted to know if I would be willing to date. We are both incredibly busy so neither really have time for a heavy relationship. I agreed... at the time. We were going to try seeing each other on a more casual basis, and not talking every day like we used too. At the time I was actually thinking that casually dating him was about the only thing I could handle (versus a relationship or just being friends). Honestly, I was still really hurt that he broke my heart and even though I wasn't really heartbroken anymore, I was still really pissed off at him for causing me so much pain. It was too emotional for me and before seeing him a second time I told him I couldn't do it and it was too much. I needed to focus on myself and heal. I didn't want him in my life. So here I am, couple months later, and I've realized something - and maybe I'm fooling myself - but he is a great man and truly was my best friend (and I, his). I don't care whether he is just a friend or whether or not there is potential for us to date in the future, I just want him in my life. Even if we only have time to see each other once a month for a 20 minute coffee break, that's okay with me. I contacted him last week for the first time in two months. Text. I apologized for bailing on him and asked if he was open to actually being friends - and he said he was open to it. However, when I asked if he wanted to get together and hang out - he stopped responding. (That used to piss me off when we were together, because whenever we had a fight or he didn't want to talk about something, he would always just stop talking to me). I wanted to give him some space to think. A few days went by with no contact, so I texted him again, this time just to see how he was. We texted a fair amount on and off that day catching up. Then, as soon as I asked about his schedule to maybe meet up, he stopped responding... again... still haven't heard back. I don't want to push him or force anything on him. (I used to get very impatient about things like this when we were together, and I know that bothered him, so I don't want to make that mistake again.) Like I said, I just want him to be a part of my life. Any part. I could really see it going in either direction - remaining as just friends or possibly dating again someday (or both) - but I'm honestly not really concerned about that right now. Like I said, I just want him around. I just don't want to push him away. He was the one who pursued me when we first met, he was the one who wanted to remain friends, and he was the one who said he made a mistake and wanted to date again. (he was also the one who broke up with me, but there wasn't really ever any bad blood on his side - at least not that he lead on) I'm just not sure how to approach this situation. Should I just sit back and let him come to me? Should I gently remind him every once in a while that I'd like to see him? Should I let it go and hope for the best, if nothing happens, oh well? I'm simply looking for some guidance through this situation, and I appreciate it.
immitable Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Lay off the phone/texting for a while, your post screams (in his eyes)- needy. Need to cool down for a bit and see from there.
confused kitty Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 You have asked him to meet up twice now and for whatever reasons he chose to ignore you.. Leave the ball in his court and let him come to you!
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