boytoy Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 (edited) There's this other thread on here about flakiness, and it got me thinking. I'm a guy, so naturally I have had a fair share of guy friends over the years, and I've also had a fair number of female friends, both platonic and beyond. The number of times I have had a guy flake on me is relatively small, and on the rare occasions when it does happen the guy is usually very apologetic and has a very convincing excuse. The majority of time I have been flaked on it was by a woman (white women, most commonly). Moreover, even though you may think that this flakines is just a byproduct of dating, looking back I must say that women in my life who I have purely platonic friendships with have been almost as flakey as women I have been romantically involved with. Moreover, women tend to be less apologetic about it in my experience as well. Is my experience unusual? Or is there a culture of flakiness being acceptable among women, even towards their platonic friends, that does not seem to exist to the same extent in men? If there is a culture of "its OK to be a flake" among women in american society, why is that, and how should men (and women, I suppose) deal with it? Edited May 19, 2012 by boytoy
SJC2008 Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 You can't deal with it because when they are flaking they'd rather be doing something else, meaning you are low on the totem pole. You keep meeting women until you meet one that flakes on you.
TheFinalWord Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 There's this other thread on here about flakiness, and it got me thinking. I'm a guy, so naturally I have had a fair share of guy friends over the years, and I've also had a fair number of female friends, both platonic and beyond. The number of times I have had a guy flake on me is relatively small, and on the rare occasions when it does happen the guy is usually very apologetic and has a very convincing excuse. The majority of time I have been flaked on it was by a woman (white women, most commonly). Moreover, even though you may think that this flakines is just a byproduct of dating, looking back I must say that women in my life who I have purely platonic friendships with have been almost as flakey as women I have been romantically involved with. Moreover, women tend to be less apologetic about it in my experience as well. Is my experience unusual? Or is there a culture of flakiness being acceptable among women, even towards their platonic friends, that does not seem to exist to the same extent in men? If there is a culture of "its OK to be a flake" among women in american society, why is that, and how should men (and women, I suppose) deal with it? Yes, it happens, no it's not just women that do it. Basically, if a woman flakes don't keep pursuing. For some of them it's a test to see if you'll "work to earn her" for some it's a test to see "if you are desperate" and others just play games/something better came up. If someone flakes, it says a lot about them. The best approach is to not lower your values. If someone flakes consider it a favor; they've shown their true colors early on so don't waste your time. The worst thing you can do is try to analyze why. You'll never know and all it does it make you think less of yourself. Exception: Sometimes dates do have to be cancelled. However, there is an etiquette to this. Call the person you have to cancel on. Also it is on the canceller to set up a new date/time. 1
monkey00 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 I feel the same way about female friends, they are more likely to be flakey than male friends. I guess that saying bros before hoes kind of even rings true in this case even. Also another argument why it's difficult being friends or forming friendships with the opposite sex. For the most part any opposite sex will want to pursue/be pursued romantically by the opposite sex. It is an investment of time to hangout with the opposite sex and not have any romantic gain also, which some find to be a waste of time.
mark 40 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Yes, it happens, no it's not just women that do it. Basically, if a woman flakes don't keep pursuing. For some of them it's a test to see if you'll "work to earn her" for some it's a test to see "if you are desperate" and others just play games/something better came up. If someone flakes, it says a lot about them. The best approach is to not lower your values. If someone flakes consider it a favor; they've shown their true colors early on so don't waste your time. The worst thing you can do is try to analyze why. You'll never know and all it does it make you think less of yourself. Exception: Sometimes dates do have to be cancelled. However, there is an etiquette to this. Call the person you have to cancel on. Also it is on the canceller to set up a new date/time. i don't know what it is but 80% of them flake.
TheFinalWord Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 i don't know what it is but 80% of them flake. What age range? Girls in their 20s are usually more flaky because they're not usually emotionally mature. One minute they're into you, next minute they're not. More mature women don't normally do this.
mark 40 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 What age range? Girls in their 20s are usually more flaky because they're not usually emotionally mature. One minute they're into you, next minute they're not. More mature women don't normally do this. 30s and 40s
SJC2008 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 30s and 40s IMO it's the person and not the age. Dated a 31 yr old who lied to me about going on a hunting trip (was not hunting season) so I'd take a hint. Wha'ts funny was is I gave her her out on a silver platter and she didn't take it, said she'd like to get together agian and still flaked LOL.
carhill Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Is my experience unusual?Not to myself, but may be to others. Or is there a culture of flakiness being acceptable among women, even towards their platonic friends, that does not seem to exist to the same extent in men? IME, listening to women, they complain pretty equally about female friends/family and male friends/family/SO's. If there is a culture of "its OK to be a flake" among women in american society, why is that, and how should men (and women, I suppose) deal with it? In general, behavior which is enabled or not discouraged is reinforced. I deal with it via black hole response. They are erased. Billions more to be served.
TheFinalWord Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 30s and 40s Well if they're that age and flaking then there is no point pursuing. Once people are that age they are pretty much set in their ways.
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