bentleychris23 Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 my girlfriend and I had a mutual split because of distance. we both still have feelings and miss each other. i know that we shouldn't talk often at all, but is catching up every few weeks via a quick text convo that bad? its seemed to be fine so far, but i don't want to slow down the moving on process.
MissBrunette84 Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 Just go with how you fee, if right now it doesn't bother you or make you feel bad then I guess thats not a bad thing, but if you talk and start feeling really down, upset and hurt afterwards then thats when it maybe not a good idea
Tree_Salmon Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 my girlfriend and I had a mutual split because of distance. we both still have feelings and miss each other. i know that we shouldn't talk often at all, but is catching up every few weeks via a quick text convo that bad? its seemed to be fine so far, but i don't want to slow down the moving on process. The problem is you're not really letting go. You may start to depend on the weekly updates not realizing that you're still holding on. NC is the best because it forces you to live life and not expect anything from that person. It hurts like hell but I'm assuming it gets easier in time. 2
MissBee Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 my girlfriend and I had a mutual split because of distance. we both still have feelings and miss each other. i know that we shouldn't talk often at all, but is catching up every few weeks via a quick text convo that bad? its seemed to be fine so far, but i don't want to slow down the moving on process. For most people they need to do complete NC. I imagine some people don't have to...but for many more, they do. You just have to be honest with yourself and how it REALLY feels when you talk, do you feel like you HAVE to talk, can you take it or leave it or what? Usually, people feel like they have to talk to their ex and it's a dependency where they don't want NC because they are still attached and still want to talk to them. Saying you're broken up doesn't take away the feelings and make it real...it is emotionally detaching that helps you to move on...most people cannot simultaneously detach while doing activities that further attachment: hanging out, talking, sharing feelings etc. So often, you need to establish a clear boundary where your mind can catch up with the breakup and you can detach. If you still care about who your ex dates, want to talk to them all the time, etc. you are not detaching and probably need more firm NC to move on. I remember my bestfriend and I were going through a breakup at the same time and I found NC and decided it would help me...my friend told me she didn't need it, she could be friends with her ex...well that was pretty much delusion and she realized she was only "friends" as a means to keep being attached, as once her ex found someone else then the friendship went out the window and she got hurt and upset like it was a betrayal. That is when she realized the friendship was a ruse and unless you can be a REAL friend and support them when they move on and find someone else...all you're doing is using the friendship as a cover to continue an emotional relationship with them.
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