Phanpooh Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 This is the first time i shared my story with last EX, just for take a rest and remember history. Someday, my brain may forget it but i need to remember whole story... At begin, i went to this city, i were a jerk, every weekend, just hangover and get laid... but after few months, i'm tired and i were looking for some seriously relationship. I waited and wished on that x-mas, i need real love... However, Santa is so good and he gave me that girl, we met online. She found me looked attractive in my rarely picture online ( from mutual friend), and seriously, because i had problem with some relationship in past, i dun like to take a pic... But she found it and we started to chat. I thought that just destiny... after 2months, we suddenly jumped in LDR and that really good time, "honeymoon phase" always nice we live 2 hours apart, and every couple months, we met and really hav fun But then, after almost 1y, i got out of that Honeymoon-phase and i'm in depressed period. She still be with me but she didn't tell me that she wanted to break-up. ( I sometime hate my info-tracking skill) Then, everything is changed by her side. I can't see anymore her point. Care? Cute? Freedom? everything i love in this girls, just go on and i sure, she keep it in herself... But we still committed in Rela. However, because of that **** happened, i drop my college and start early work, that really hard at begin but i also lost myself in this reality work, i'm tired, cause the fact of this world is ugly and it's suck, like hell. Stupid people, lazyass, jerks,... and my girl, just changed herself too, she used her cute, weak, to make me feel guilty and she hire herself behind the "committing mask". i know, someday she will go... About me, i'm more depressed and i dun hang out anymore, i stop myself in my own room, learning more psychology skill, to cure myself, and to understand people, that help me to work better but my life is boring. When i had time, i try to talk with her, but that boring too. i know, we both just try to stay on and hope sth special happen silly? And then, she move to other country, we live in 2 continents, she keep studying, hav fun with her friends, and now, she turned 180, she want more fun, want boys around ( it's GIGS). i'm still here, try to work more, to earn enough money to come to her, to make a engage plan i know i love her too much even that hurt like hell. Whatever, i planed to come to her at our anniversary. i bought a ticket, a beautiful ring ^_^, pay for law to change my VISA ( i'm foreigner) and made a plan with some secret friends, it's so romantic, my big move i still think about movie that later hehe But she changed for fast, i threw my ticket... wasted tons of money and however, i bought another, and waiting for my chance. But that chance never happened, she said the things "ILYBIMNILWY" and "love you is so hard", "it's not you, it's me, i cant trust myself, i afraid of hurting you" ( i really Hate the f--king guilty), so i let her go, but still waiting. next night, she dated "just a friend" and crying on his shoulder ( my looking info is so skilled ), she keep her things behind me, i'm foolish but i'm not stupid. And me, in that time, i got fired, finance's problem, emotional family distance, lost friends, flying in drugs, weeds, alcohol,.... I also sent her a gift on x-mas, for me, that is goodbye and hoping, for her, that just memory. About a rings and my plan? movie? in trash. after 6weeks, i sent her some money she asked for long time ago, and then, she jump in a relationship with that "just a friend". so i'm done with them, i stick in NC because my self-respect, his and her either. However, she ignored me anyway. and then, they living together, just like a young couple, enjoy their world, she try to showed her happiness and he just doesn't know, he is a rebound... About me? that time, i'm refocus on myself, take my job back, earned money to pay for bills, moved to family, got promotion, opened new company, learned some new skill, driving, talking,.... in 3months, i dun know why i could do everything in that short time take back my old friends and hang out with news, but whenever, i see some girls, i think about her, and i know, i'm not ready to move on. again, when everything on high, that should go down, i got my trouble, and i gave my company for family, and now, i'm working for them, just like a normal worker, ( if i don't, my other co-op will be fired) Sometime, i still dream about her, good or bad, some vivid, some memories but i don't know why, i feel like nothing could hurt me anymore, and i'm not scared anything. i'm stronger! I also found women's sexual attractive again, but because i'm not sure about my feeling, that why i don't want an other relationship. So then, i decided to let everything come naturally, and keep living, enjoy my lonely life just like before she come in my history about her? i don't know until someday ago, my best-friends remind that she will have to come back, and they will have to break-up, that maybe my second-chance. i just feel nothing, no angry, no sadness, but that things keep running around my mind, guilty! i know i didn't treat her well and she deserve more, but i'm in better place now, i learned my wrong, i'm not afraid of hurt by her anymore. But i also dun want her back, i dun want to try to commit and seriously, i dun mind about that chance. i accepted that it's over! her own things aren't mind anymore. a little confused but however, let Fate decide my way. Sometime, i will comeback here, to update my life ^_^ even i got good or happy ending, for some people here, who was with me even they dun know who am i... i love you all, loveshacker ^_^ you helped me increase my knowledge about Relationship, make me opened my mind, to see around here, a lot of broken-hearted but they keep fighting, keep hoping, bye bye ls-ers, hope you all good and move on easily soon... "Sometime we felt Gos's playing a joke on us... But if he didn't, we didn't learn to walk" - Isailah 55:8-9 ~ 9gag.com
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