Coffee20 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 After one month and a few days after our break up I still feel the anger inside. I wake up and feel like killing him and next time I feel like missing him, then I remember all those things he did to me and told me and I feel angry again and it gets worse than better. I wouldn't be able to see him completely. I just think I would kill him and wouldn't be able to act normal around him. Did you actually forgive your ex? How did you do it? Are you able to say "hi" when you meet him/her? It seems to me that I can't at all.
CopingGal Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 No I did NOT forgive my ex! I got a book to help me so that I could. But the author is not big on people forcing themselves to forgive. I'm as mad as Hell and it will be a long time before I forgive that munka bokken bastard for all the things he did to me. However, my anger is less. The only thing that seems to help with my anger is staying away from him, and reading about his dysfunctional personality traits in the DSM-IV.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 technically you bottle that anger up and and you store it ina good place. you can tale it out occasionally to watch it fester but you should only release it when you see the ex again.lets just hope you can get back at thm then.
Author Coffee20 Posted May 19, 2012 Author Posted May 19, 2012 thanks for answers, my head is full of him almost all of the time, still hear in my head his insults and see his acts, I hope it will disappear but it's very hard since he spreads some rumours about me at school<br>
january2011 Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 It's still early for you and anger is one of the stages that people can go through while they're grieving the end of the relationship. I still get a little angry now and again but the intensity has lessened over time. I woke up one day and decided that I was sick of it. Didn't want to hold on to the anger. And didn't want to give him anymore head or heart space. I wanted to focus on me and my life. In a way, it's almost a shame. When I was at my most angry, I was also at my most creative. Perhaps that's something you can try - to channel that anger into something positive and productive, like writing, art or building something - wherever your talents lie.
lovinglife21 Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 To be angry is healthy, it means that you fully realise the pain he has put you through, and is a daily reminder of why you would never go back there. Anger is there to protect us. It's been a month for me to, I feel angry at him still, but it's controllable. I've come to be able to seperate, my anger and my emotions involving him, to focusing on me and how I want to be as a person. I think this distinction is important, yes be angry with him, just don't let it affect your sense of self or your view of the world. Plus, there is no need to forgive him EVER, in my view if you forgive someone you have been able to justify someone's actions, and in break-up's sometimes actions are inexcusable. Sending positive energy your way. xx
Author Coffee20 Posted May 19, 2012 Author Posted May 19, 2012 (edited) Today I want to break NC so badly, I really want to hear him saying sorry at least once. Can't get over the fact he blamed all on me, feeling very angry, feel like fighting with him. Edited May 19, 2012 by Coffee20
lovinglife21 Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 Just don't do it, likely hood is it will only make you feel more pain. I broke NC yesterday, and it wasn't so bad, but honestly thats once out of all of the times I have spoken to him. He treated me the same, but I finally understood, it just clicked, this person is ****ed up, I don't love them anymore. He won't give you what you're looking for, that comes from you I'm afraid. xx
Steelrain322 Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 The anger will take a long time to subside completely. But the intensity lessens over time. If your furious go for a long run. You'll feel much better. And stay nc. Took me almost a year to get rid of the anger. But once the anger was gone I was left with just sadness and guilt. I'm 13 months out and 1 year nc and feel much better. But then again I'm on an army base all summer with no things to remind me of my ex and I can't cry about anything cuz I'm never alone.
Author Coffee20 Posted May 19, 2012 Author Posted May 19, 2012 Just don't do it, likely hood is it will only make you feel more pain. I broke NC yesterday, and it wasn't so bad, but honestly thats once out of all of the times I have spoken to him. He treated me the same, but I finally understood, it just clicked, this person is ****ed up, I don't love them anymore. He won't give you what you're looking for, that comes from you I'm afraid. xx I know what happened last time, when I broke NC, he came and told me how bad person I am, how he is kind and moral and it was my fault. He was very cold and distant towards me - he showed me so different side of him, I hadn't known before. I apologised for my mistakes, it's so weird feeling to have. He is now the pure one although he left me in mess. Thank you for your answer, I will definitely not do it.
Isabel82 Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 If he apologize, so what? Will it change anything? If you didn`t have any warm feelings for him, you would stay away. Lets say a friend of you behaved so bad, you decided to do without that friendship. Would you bother to contact him/her to get an apology? seems like you`re still emotional attached to this person, so it`s a good thing that youre angry, keeps you protected. Been really angry myself, and grateful for it. Without it Id still be in the R, despite everything that was bad. Which was a lot. If you really want to contact him, maybe just wait for a while? You`ll still have the chance to do that a week from now, or a month.
Author Coffee20 Posted May 19, 2012 Author Posted May 19, 2012 If he apologize, so what? Will it change anything? If you didn`t have any warm feelings for him, you would stay away. Lets say a friend of you behaved so bad, you decided to do without that friendship. Would you bother to contact him/her to get an apology? seems like you`re still emotional attached to this person, so it`s a good thing that youre angry, keeps you protected. Been really angry myself, and grateful for it. Without it Id still be in the R, despite everything that was bad. Which was a lot. If you really want to contact him, maybe just wait for a while? You`ll still have the chance to do that a week from now, or a month. Thinking about it I don't know whether it would change anything or I still hope that it would at least help me coping. I can't contact him anymore, because he has probably fun from me. And yes I am still emotionally attached to him or maybe I still can't get over the fact that he has never really loved me and he is someone different than I thought he was.
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