observer12 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 (edited) All of the first date advice I see is about building attraction. Supposedly that’s 99% of the law. This means being confident, looking good, knowing how to flirt, making her comfortable etc. But from my experience this is rarely enough. On several dates we have had great flirting and even made out at the end. There was obviously plenty of attraction but they then call me saying they have already ruled out a relationship with me. I’m not sure what else I can do. Keep telling them what aloyal and generous and kind guy I am? I didn’t think so. That makes you look insecure, needy, and predictable. If this hadn’t happened about five times I wouldn’t be so frustrated. And if anything, my friends tell me I’m too much of a nice guy on occasion, rather than someone who girls are wary of. Does anyone have any ideas about whats happening here? [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] Edited May 18, 2012 by observer12
FitChick Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 We don't know you or your dates. There is no answer except to keep dating. Eventually you will find Ms. Right.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 techincally nice equates to no excitment. if you're calling them immediately after the date then you're not givong them a chance to wonder avout you. women like men who have options. and even when you don't, act like you do. go on with your life, and date. date, date, date.
gibson Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I am a guy but my "spidey senses" are picking up traces of desperation, neediness, trying to hard, you trying to be the person you think your date wants, you taking yourself and dating way to seriously, etc. Now a woman "spidey senses" are 1,000 times better than mine. Woman can spot a man with the above "qualities" a mile away. They find them unappealing and are not attracted to them. My advice... 1. Get your self-worth, self-esteem, confidence, "mojo", identity, validation, approval, etc. from within. 2. Have a life / adventure / passions / goals / dreams / etc. of your own instead of trying to make a women your EVERYTHING. 3. Be yourself. 4. Invite women to share and take part in your life / adventure / passions / goals / dreams / etc. Once you do that, you will have my kind of success. 1
FrustratedStandards Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Maybe the attraction was only from your end. 1
TheFinalWord Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 All of the first date advice I see is about building attraction. Supposedly that’s 99% of the law. This means being confident, looking good, knowing how to flirt, making her comfortable etc. But from my experience this is rarely enough. On several dates we have had great flirting and even made out at the end. There was obviously plenty of attraction but they then call me saying they have already ruled out a relationship with me. I’m not sure what else I can do. Keep telling them what aloyal and generous and kind guy I am? I didn’t think so. That makes you look insecure, needy, and predictable. If this hadn’t happened about five times I wouldn’t be so frustrated. And if anything, my friends tell me I’m too much of a nice guy on occasion, rather than someone who girls are wary of. Does anyone have any ideas about whats happening here? [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] Women usually go at any length to not directly say they are not interested. If this means entertaining you for a few hours or even making out with you, then a lot of times they will do it. Some men and most women will go to great lengths to avoid direct, face to face rejection. And kissing doesn't always mean everything. A lot of women will let you kiss them to see if there's a spark. The only way you know for sure is if she gives you multiple dates. One date, no matter how good, is not a good prediction of a woman's interest. Also, all I see you reference is physical attraction. What about compatibility, mental stimulation, other chemistry. Good looks can only get you so far bro! Also, I see a lot of "do this, not that" formula in your analysis. Don't do that. Just be yourself! That is the key to finding someone worth dating. If you have to resort to gimmicks then it won't work.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Women get tbrough the door by being pretty. Guys do it with their brains smarts and swagger. Don't act like a girl- its one thing to be a gentleman another thing entirely when you need to "impress" like a schholkid trying to be a teacher's pet.
SJC2008 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 It is not your job to build attraction and don't ever make it that. You'll be putting youself at a disadvantage from the jump. Don't worry about the "nice guy" crap either. It's an over used wrongly worded term. Don't be a DOOR MAT. From your post I get the feeling that you're trying to hard. Bee yourself, be confident. How is your eye contact when talking to women?
Author observer12 Posted May 19, 2012 Author Posted May 19, 2012 I am a guy but my "spidey senses" are picking up traces of desperation, neediness, trying to hard, you trying to be the person you think your date wants, you taking yourself and dating way to seriously, etc. Now a woman "spidey senses" are 1,000 times better than mine. Woman can spot a man with the above "qualities" a mile away. They find them unappealing and are not attracted to them. My advice... 1. Get your self-worth, self-esteem, confidence, "mojo", identity, validation, approval, etc. from within. 2. Have a life / adventure / passions / goals / dreams / etc. of your own instead of trying to make a women your EVERYTHING. 3. Be yourself. 4. Invite women to share and take part in your life / adventure / passions / goals / dreams / etc. Once you do that, you will have my kind of success. I get what you are saying. I can't make all my happiness dependent on a girl because they sense desperation. But I have been single for three years and beginning to feel lonely. So its hard to see any other solution besides finding a girlfriend.
SJC2008 Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 Don't listen to the crap that woman can sense or smell anything. If they can one thing they can't is liars when we see all the hit and runs and non commiters posts. I had a severe panick attack a year ago and had high anxiety for a while. A physical feeling of being so tense like I was going to crack. I asked a girl out at work while I felt like this and she had no idea I felt horrible physically and gave me her number. They can't sense any more than a man can.
gibson Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 Don't listen to the crap that woman can sense or smell anything. If they can one thing they can't is liars when we see all the hit and runs and non commiters posts. I had a severe panick attack a year ago and had high anxiety for a while. A physical feeling of being so tense like I was going to crack. I asked a girl out at work while I felt like this and she had no idea I felt horrible physically and gave me her number. They can't sense any more than a man can. Looking at the threads you created and your various posts... You still do not have a clue who you are, what you are doing, what women want, what they are looking for, what they value, what they need or how to keep one. I suggest reading what I wrote above and invest all your time, effort and energy into that because playing games, PUA techniques, etc. aren't really working for you.
SJC2008 Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 Looking at the threads you created and your various posts... You still do not have a clue who you are, what you are doing, what women want, what they are looking for, what they value, what they need or how to keep one. I suggest reading what I wrote above and invest all your time, effort and energy into that because playing games, PUA techniques, etc. aren't really working for you. I'll start writing like a lawyer again so people don't get offended.I didn't even quote you so who says I was talking about you. Attack me all you want no sweat off my back. Don't listen to the crap anyone says (Anyone=in general, this is not directed at any poster with intent to badger,offend or insult) that women can sense or smell fear. Sure they can, but not more than a man. If a person is shy/insecure it's obvious to both men and women, and women can't pick it up easier than men. IMO. I asked a customer out at work about a year a go while I was goig through a bkut of high physical anxiety and she had no idea, I kept my cool. The last paragraph was a real life example of showing how women are just normal human beings and dont have radars or whatever. I have always come here for advice and welcomed it. I was over the top once and apologized and I think your response was over the top.
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