cherries1 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I broke up with my ex and after that for like a month (right after BU) I was kinda crushing from a distance on a guy who barely acknowledges my existence. Since he barely noticed me, I began getting frustrated about falling for someone who didn't even talk to me. I felt really stupid. There is this guy who my ex always tried and made me cut contact with because of jealousy (he was really nice to me and we got along well). He has recently begun talking a lot to me, telling me how he would like to know me better because he thinks I'm quite interesting, flirting a bit, and yesterday he asked me to treat him to a Coke as a reward for something, jokingly, which I rejected. I find myself thinking how much chemistry we have and this and that and kinda... forgot about the other guy. I'm really confused about what I'm experiencing at the moment because he has a GF and I know I'm overreacting and he probably is just flirting for fun, but at the moment my feelings are this unstable (last week I liked that guy, now this one, tomorrow WHO?!) and I am scared of falling for someone already in a relationship. I don't know how things are with his GF or anything nor I want to know! I wish I saw him as a friend, for my own sake! I mean, yeah I like him but I don't feel comfortable liking someone with a GF. I feel so wrong, mean and disgusting for even fantasizing about him dumping her... Also I'm scared for not knowing how to be SINGLE. I have ALWAYS liked someone, since I was a kid. I don't know how not to have someone in my mind, as in, being single and happy about myself. I need some advice on how to live alone... and just wanted to let it all out. Thanks for reading
betterdeal Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Hello cherries, life can be confusing, huh? It's often the case we are most sexual in the aftermath of a big change in life, and it sounds like you're probably there right now. How thoughtful of you to talk about here, rather than acting on impulse too much. It can be quite bewildering being at the mercy of your emotions, feeling as though you may do things you'd regret on a whim. And it's tempting to just let it all hang out and stop thinking so much, and stop feeling the heartache so much. But it's only a short term fix, and it often causes more complications. So, remember this: those thoughts, and feelings, and fantasies, are all just thoughts and feelings and fantasies. They aren't you: we all have them from time to time. You don't have to act on them. Maybe you need some sort of release for all that pent up energy and feelings you have. Go outside and shout your lungs out, see if that feels good. Go swimming in a river. Go to yoga and channel it into something healthy. But please don't worry too much. You sound like a good kid and you will get passed this. After every storm there's always sunshine. 1
Author cherries1 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Hello cherries, life can be confusing, huh? It's often the case we are most sexual in the aftermath of a big change in life, and it sounds like you're probably there right now. How thoughtful of you to talk about here, rather than acting on impulse too much. It can be quite bewildering being at the mercy of your emotions, feeling as though you may do things you'd regret on a whim. And it's tempting to just let it all hang out and stop thinking so much, and stop feeling the heartache so much. But it's only a short term fix, and it often causes more complications. So, remember this: those thoughts, and feelings, and fantasies, are all just thoughts and feelings and fantasies. They aren't you: we all have them from time to time. You don't have to act on them. Maybe you need some sort of release for all that pent up energy and feelings you have. Go outside and shout your lungs out, see if that feels good. Go swimming in a river. Go to yoga and channel it into something healthy. But please don't worry too much. You sound like a good kid and you will get passed this. After every storm there's always sunshine. Thank you so much! I would never act on my impulses as in, make out with someone randomly. I wouldn't because I give a lot of meaning to feelings and I know I'm in a period of confusion. I will try out a sport or something to try and release my mind, but I am kinda lost as in how to be alone. It's not recent, I mean, I always liked someone and I wonder if you can be single and not fancy the next guy that is a bit nice to you. I used to fall for a guy, daydream about him for months or even a couple years and then meet someone else and daydream all day. I can't base my life on the thought of me as a person, I always base it around SOMEONE. Lately I can't sleep well at night because I always have to imagine being *theboyIfancyatthemoment*'s girlfriend and right now I feel so guilty that I can't even fantasize about it. I don't know what to do to make a change, I know *this* will pass over time, but nothing will have changed.
betterdeal Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 (edited) Change takes time and a bit of will power, that's all. You have a great opportunity to find yourself. To be you, not theGirlOfTheBoy. And, weirdly, finding yourself, being able to be alone not lonely, is often a precursor to having a much more durable, long lasting relationship with someone. Think of this as a very interesting and challenging time in your life. May be a good time to develop your self, your awareness, your spiritual side. Things like yoga or martial arts, or conservation work or charity work can be good for that. Freedom can be scary at times (imagine sleeping under the stars in the African savana - free of rent and mortgages, but also free of walls and doors...) but you'll get the hang of it, I have no doubt Edited May 18, 2012 by betterdeal
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