moosekaka Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Why do I feel some perverse comfort in curling up in a corner and feeling like the sorriest sad case victim instead of truly moving on? Why is it easier to feel wronged instead of acknowledging that sh*t happens and life is unpredictable? How do people who have lost someone they did not want to (thru death, accident, etc) cope and move on? The logical side in me is saying that all the drama is in my head and that its really no big deal and its time to move on but every time I start to do so the devil of memories past creeps up again like a drug.... 1
USMCHokie Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 Why is it easier to feel wronged instead of acknowledging that sh*t happens and life is unpredictable? Because people are addicted to control in their lives. When something bad or unfavorable happens to you, it's easier to cry in the corner and rationalize that you had no control over the situation and the universe was just sh*tting on you...while the reality may very well be that you had full control and just f*cked things up...people don't like to feel like they are failures when they have control...so they feign loss of that control... It's simple blame shifting and a complete lack of personal accountability...
lovinglife21 Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 I respectably disagree. I think we do this because we are scared to move on, for me sometimes it's easier to focus on the past than the future. Most people who get out of relationships suddenly have the world at their fingertips- so many more opportunities and people to meet, who knows what life will bring? Being with someone is comfortable and safe, and then suddenly a new adventure is going to begin- and that is downright scary. I think also the grief we have is our way of clinging to that person. Eventually though the wallowing gets too much and you have this motivation to get on with your life. I've spent a month grieving, and today I woke up saw reality, realised I had no love left and am completely and utterly ready to move on- to no longer obsess, to no longer cry, to no longer care. Just to be excited about my future. Today I feel happy.
Author moosekaka Posted May 19, 2012 Author Posted May 19, 2012 Because people are addicted to control in their lives. When something bad or unfavorable happens to you, it's easier to cry in the corner and rationalize that you had no control over the situation and the universe was just sh*tting on you...while the reality may very well be that you had full control and just f*cked things up...people don't like to feel like they are failures when they have control...so they feign loss of that control... It's simple blame shifting and a complete lack of personal accountability... confused...people are addicted to control but feign loss of control to shift blame? In any case I always knew I screwed things up, I just feel very bitter even after all this time. Maybe it is clinginess, I quit my job/lab but instead of moving back home I found another lab temporarily and the physical environment reminds me too much of the past.
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