Miguel1980 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Ok. I need advice. I've been dating this girl for about a month, and I've known her for 3 years. We seem to be absolutely perfect for each other. Same interests, same tolerances, same mind really. I love her, I know it. Never happened before, and I'm 32. Everything has been so great until a couple weeks ago. We went to a movie, had a bit too much to drink... Maybe way too much. Anyway we get back to her place and I hop on the computer. Her stupid Facebook is up. I tell her and start closing things. She tells me to read it, that she has nothing to hide. I close the damn thing anyway. Unfortunately, I go back to the computer an hour later to check my stuff and it pops back up. I read. Couple guys are flirting with her, she's kind of flirting back. Then I see a conversation between her and a certain guy friend. I should mention I had met this dude about a week before, and he kept putting his arm around her and touching her. She didn't stop him. It ended eventually after about an hour, but I was tempted to walk away. Anyway, in the message, he mentions having a threesome with her and his wife. My new girlfriend didn't discourage it at all. She says he's joking, they've been friends for a long time, and that's just the type of guy he is. We talked about it, I got over it, kinda. Next, there's a guy she was seeing before me she had met on a dating website. Didn't bother me, we weren't together. I asked her specifically if she was still on the site, she said no. A few days later I found her profile. I was hurt bad. We talked it out, she deleted it. In my crushed state,I failed to look at her last log in, and after she deleted it she told me she hadn't been on it in a month. I found out she had been on it a week prior. She claims she doesn't know how that happened, that she has an app on her phone her kid might have pressed. Just seems odd how adamant she was that I should have checked her last log in. After this I ask her, are you on anymore dating sites, she says no. I found another one. Granted it was an older one, probably not often used, but the info on the more recent site had its information cut and pasted from this one, and she had logged into it a month ago. I'm really at a loss. She's calling me and texting me wanting to work this out. She has so many excuses. I almost want to believe her, but I just have so many red flags now. I don't know how to fix this. And there's more, more stuff I've been pushing out of my mind. The fact her relationship status had been hidden from her friends for a month... I hate social media, and I don't want to let something that could be good go to waste over dating sites and Facebook, but these little "mistakes" and forgetting things are too much this early in the game, I think. I feel like she's being shady, and not being more active in taking herself out of the dating scene. I'm really trying to be understanding.I really want this to work.
TigerCub Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 It really is simple - you may not want to accept it, but: she lies repeatedly and tries to make up excuses when she's caught. Not that much more to it.
persevere Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I should mention I had met this dude about a week before, and he kept putting his arm around her and touching her. She didn't stop him. It ended eventually after about an hour, but I was tempted to walk away. A show stopper right there. I would have told that guy to leave her alone, immediately, or meet me outside. It was also totally disrepectful that she allowed that to happen. How old is she? 18? asked her specifically if she was still on the site, she said no. A few days later I found her profile. I was hurt bad. We talked it out, she deleted it. She's a player and she's playing you. Bail out. You're going down in flames.
truth_seeker Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 She's a player and she's playing you. Bail out. You're going down in flames. Correct. Now that you know this, you have a couple of choices: 1. Walk away and never speak to her again. 2. Turn the tables on her. Give her a taste of her own medicine, ie, play her. I don't like this choice, not my preference, but if you really wanted to teach her a lesson, pretend to go along with her behavior, sleep with her, and right after sex show her the door and tell her you have something better lined up. It's mean, it's cruel, but sometimes a girl like this needs to be taught a lesson.
damian5656 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 you might also be able to tell her some like look u may have had these relationships befor but now that were together id really like it to be us, explain what you dont like seeing and tell her that if she cant tell them thats not appropriate then you may not be able to stay in this relationship you may still love her but wouldnt it be much more hurtful to stay with her and continue the same process and if you love her then "teaching a lesson" is NOT the way to go because girls can be very sensative or the entire opposite but iether way if you "teach her a lesson" she may just leave you for it
Pasttense Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 You've only been dating for a month. I don't think that is long enough for her (or for most people) to decide that "You are the one" and for her to end all these other activities. 1
TigerCub Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 You've only been dating for a month. I don't think that is long enough for her (or for most people) to decide that "You are the one" and for her to end all these other activities. Even if that were true - what's with all the lying? I would think the lying is the bigger issue here - but that's just me, I dunno what would bug OP more.
truth_seeker Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 They've known each other for 3 years before they got serious, so she might not look at him as "the one" but rather "someone" who I can have when I need him.
Author Miguel1980 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 For clarification: She has two children. She's been chasing me for 3 years and I have been turning her away. Her YouTube (at least one of them) is nothing but videos she took of me playing guitar. We've discussed a child of our own, as well as moving into a house together. She's 37. I know I mentioned a lot of bad, but the good is really freaking good. It's the little lie bs that is just killing me.
TigerCub Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 For clarification: She has two children. She's been chasing me for 3 years and I have been turning her away. Her YouTube (at least one of them) is nothing but videos she took of me playing guitar. We've discussed a child of our own, as well as moving into a house together. She's 37. I know I mentioned a lot of bad, but the good is really freaking good. It's the little lie bs that is just killing me. You have really "dated" for just about a month and you're talking about having a kid together. I understand that you've known her for longer than that, but really?? So how did her relationship(s) with baby daddy/(ies) end? I personally think that people that just lie for the **** of it are messed up, and she seems to lie so easily to you, she's not good at it, but she's willing. Do you really want to be tied to someone you can't trust for the rest of your life?
Author Miguel1980 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 I know it might sound insane, but it's really like we've already been dating for 3 years. We've talked about everything, gone out numerous times, done events and races together. The only thing we didn't do was the sex. The attraction was there from day one. The foundation we had before this little crap was so much more than these problems. It just seems like I've seen another side now. I'm super conscious of manipulators, and I'm getting all the signs.
TigerCub Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I know it might sound insane, but it's really like we've already been dating for 3 years. We've talked about everything, gone out numerous times, done events and races together. The only thing we didn't do was the sex. The attraction was there from day one. The foundation we had before this little crap was so much more than these problems. It just seems like I've seen another side now. I'm super conscious of manipulators, and I'm getting all the signs. ok, you still didn't answer the question. are there different fathers for the kids how did the relationship(s) end? you say you've known her for so long - so you must know about her relationships and how she treats the people she's involved with.
Author Miguel1980 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 I do. I know what she told me. Doesn't matter for this conversation.
Author Miguel1980 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Sorry, I have to pull back the reigns on the disclosure, lol. Even thoigh I've said too much already. I have some issues as well in that area. I just tried to talk to her about it and it went less than perfect. I can't trust her. That's it.
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