Author pink_sugar Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 I've lived some of this and my answer would be 'it depends'. What was her filing status? Sometimes divorces take a long time. Ours took 18 months. . Nothing was filed, she hadn't decided what she was going to do about her husband.
carhill Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 In that case, I'd be cautious about investing any serious emotions into the deal, having had some experience with that too. Dating is one thing, having a few laughs and a good time; intimacy and commitment are completely another.
g450 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Good lord. I don't love anyone that much. It's too bad that someone who had their act together didn't snap you up first to spare you teh drama and lies. Sounds like you deserved it. Wait, your saying it sounded to you like I deserved the drama? Why would you say that?
carhill Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Also, such ambiguous relationship dynamics such as 'haven't decided on spouse yet' can easily end up as erstwhile innocent affairs, at least until the switch is thrown and 'oopsie, I'm married after all' results.
daphne Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Wait, your saying it sounded to you like I deserved the drama? Why would you say that? Not drama. It sounds like you deserved someone who wouldn't give you drama.
g450 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Not drama. It sounds like you deserved someone who wouldn't give you drama. OK Thanks. You are right. At 50 Im too old for drama. I think I got our relationship worked out and the drama is mostly gone now. But man it took a lot of work. Had I known what a ride I was in for early on I may still be single and dating as we speak. This is why I advise OP to seriously consider leaving well enough alone and stay away from separated and newly divorced women. Same goes for single mothers. Ask yourself this question. Do you see yourself having to deal with a possible ex that is always creating drama in your relationship with her? And how do you feel about raising some other mans kids who refuses to pay child support because he is a complete idiot etc? All that is a possibility.
oaks Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 What are your thoughts on dating a man or woman who is only separated or just living apart from one another, but not divorced? Would you date someone who's not even legally separated, but living apart? I'll give my usual boring answer of "it depends." Where I am there isn't really any such thing as "legally separated" that is different from "living apart", but I would want to know the intent of the person I was dating. If they want the marriage to be over and are heading towards a divorce, for which there might be a legally-required period of separation (which is 2 years over here!) then that's very different from a married couple who have moved out but who hope to reconcile later. Also, there's the issue of whether they are over the other person, which applies just as well to people who recently split from their previous partner even if not married. Some people are emotionally capable of dating before a divorce is final, and some people who weren't even married can be hung-up on their ex bf/gf years later...
oaks Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Nothing was filed, she hadn't decided what she was going to do about her husband. Hmm. This lack of intent to divorce would be a concern to me. She might as well say "we're on a break".
g450 Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 Hmm. This lack of intent to divorce would be a concern to me. She might as well say "we're on a break". Yep, that's a big red flag right there. My GF did that to me as well. She was talking to her estranged H behind my back. Caught her going to meet him one morning and she admited that she was planning on getting back together with him. She used their kid as a reason. I told her to start packing her stuff. Then she came back to me within two weeks. He cheated on her again. She then admited that her kid had nothing to do with it. Im sure Jr loves his dad but I really doubt he even likes him on any level. Hell his loser father couldnt even buy the boy a Christmas present. I bought him one. Never got a thank you for it though. This is why I try to tell people who date undivorced women and single mothers seriously think about these issues beforehand.
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