Tree_Salmon Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Ever since I've broken up (and a little while before) I've had a handful of friends and acquaintances offer me a no commitment sexual relationship option. Normally my reaction is "no thanks" because I don't really feel the need to do it with anyone i'm not in a relationship with. Weird for a guy, i know. But I did it a long time ago and realized that wasn't for me. The question is should I be taking these offers? People say "it's the quickest way to regain all your confidence". I'm almost done regaining my confidence anyway but is there any benefit to this? I know some of these people very well and it would not change a thing between us. I'm certain i wont take any of these offers but im curious if this has really worked for anyone? I want to hear from women especially.
radrluv72 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 (edited) Speaking as a woman...if any of my male friends or acquiantences ever suggested that they would offer themselves for a no-strings-attached roll in the hay in order to get me over the final hurdle of a previous breakup...my answer would be a flat out no. My friends are my friends because...well, they're my friends. But my definition of that doesn't include getting physically intimate with them. Then it turns into that whole "friends with benefits" thing...and next thing you know, everything gets complicated. And on the flip side of that, if I had a male friend that was in the same situation as yours, I would never offer myself up like that, especially if he was just that dear to me as a friend. I couldn't ever look at him the same again. I used to be a person that had no problem switching myself off emtionally when it came to casual sex, and that was back in my twenties. Now that I'm 39, I know it's still in me to do it, but casual sex just doesn't interest me anymore. Like you, I get offers everywhere for it. But I don't need the actual act as a confidence booster...just the fact that someone thinks I'm attractive enough that they'd offer to begin with is a confidence booster just by itself. I think in the end, the decision of whether to take one of your friends up on their offer is completely up to you, but you would need to go in with the expectation of the risk of your current friendship with that person going awry. Sex complicates & changes everything, and I don't care how many promises there are of no strings attached. Just my two cents. Edited May 18, 2012 by radrluv72
lovinglife21 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I don't think it's a good idea. It does make everything more complicated whether you think it will or not. If you want casual sex just go to a club and have sex with a stranger or something, completely no strings attached then. Sex isn't worth risking your friendships for. xx
beyond Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Ever since I've broken up (and a little while before) I've had a handful of friends and acquaintances offer me a no commitment sexual relationship option. Normally my reaction is "no thanks" because I don't really feel the need to do it with anyone i'm not in a relationship with. Weird for a guy, i know. But I did it a long time ago and realized that wasn't for me. The question is should I be taking these offers? People say "it's the quickest way to regain all your confidence". I'm almost done regaining my confidence anyway but is there any benefit to this? I know some of these people very well and it would not change a thing between us. I'm certain i wont take any of these offers but im curious if this has really worked for anyone? I want to hear from women especially. The bit in bold answers your own question.
MissBrunette84 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 (edited) I understand what you're saying, that should you if its going to boost your confidence. I've never done the friends with benefits thing myself and for me just getting a compliment boosts my self esteem, not sure if sleeping with someone would. Edited May 18, 2012 by MissBrunette84
Author Tree_Salmon Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 The bit in bold answers your own question. I was curious if this has worked for anyone. I know it doesn't do anything for me emotionally.
CarrieT Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I was curious if this has worked for anyone. I'm a woman and I tried it several times; I offered to friends and have accepted it and - ultimately - it made me feel worse. On some occasions, they would want more (emotional or time) than I could reciprocate and other times, I wanted more. It was only AFTER I had been single for several years (and had totally regained confidence) was I able to have a few FWB. But not when thoughts of my Ex were still in my head.
Author Tree_Salmon Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Yeah I've heard this before. The "feeling worse" part that is.
Green Light Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I can't even imagine what it would be like to get the offers! And I'm not a bad looking guy for my age. Am I the only one here who has never been offered sex from friends and acquaintences? Do these people just flat out ask you for sex? I must really live in a prudish area.
Author Tree_Salmon Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 I can't even imagine what it would be like to get the offers! And I'm not a bad looking guy for my age. Am I the only one here who has never been offered sex from friends and acquaintances? Do these people just flat out ask you for sex? I must really live in a prudish area. From my experiences they're everywhere man. I think it's because I don't care. I tend to have a very high self esteem and have never needed to conquer the masses like most of my buddies. Now that I think of it, all of my girlfriends have pursued me. In any case they exist all over. Stop caring about it and you'll see them popping up everywhere. You might realize you don't really give a crap. 1
Green Light Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 From my experiences they're everywhere man. I think it's because I don't care. I tend to have a very high self esteem and have never needed to conquer the masses like most of my buddies. Now that I think of it, all of my girlfriends have pursued me. In any case they exist all over. Stop caring about it and you'll see them popping up everywhere. You might realize you don't really give a crap. Can't say that I did care about it until I read this thread! I simply didn't know that there were women out there interested in this sort of thing. I currently live in an area with mainly older women(55+). Do you go to bars? Where do yo meet these women?
Author Tree_Salmon Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Can't say that I did care about it until I read this thread! I simply didn't know that there were women out there interested in this sort of thing. I currently live in an area with mainly older women(55+). Do you go to bars? Where do yo meet these women? Never from bars. But i'm sure you can find these anywhere. These are people I've known for years. Friends of friends, old classmates, etc. We're getting off topic, haha. They exist. That's not the point. I just don't see how having sex with any of them would help my life in any way.
Feelin Frisky Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I can't even imagine what it would be like to get the offers! And I'm not a bad looking guy for my age. Am I the only one here who has never been offered sex from friends and acquaintences? Do these people just flat out ask you for sex? I must really live in a prudish area. No. You're not the only person here. The question does sound a bit 60's on the psychedelic bus free lovish. But maybe I'm from a prudish area too-it's called New York City, perhaps you've heard of it. In all seriousness you never know what's going on on the other side of the wall in a row house or apartment building and there surely are people who have lots of sexual opportunity and perhaps encouragement around them. But I was raised a Catholic and went to all boys schools through high school and I'm straight. So all my "friends" we guys and we didn't put out for each other. I have long wondered how it would be and wished I had been born into a different demographic and knew lots of girls and their sisters who if not were interested in me, were interested in playing Cupid for me. But unfortunately, in swinging NYC, I wasn't born on the other side of the wall. (To be fully truthful about it though, I had a relationship with a girl who worked in the same building and we lived together for 5 years. When that was over and word got around the office, women I was friendly with made overtures. I just did one and it was good and she was a loyal F-buddy for several years. I would not try to juggle women at work and knew I could trust this one for special reasons. It would have made me look very bad if I just womanized. Other guys did it and lived with the consequences but I had all that Catholic stuff still somewhere in my constitution.)
beyond Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Never from bars. But i'm sure you can find these anywhere. These are people I've known for years. Friends of friends, old classmates, etc. We're getting off topic, haha. They exist. That's not the point. I just don't see how having sex with any of them would help my life in any way. So don't do it then.
Green Light Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Never from bars. But i'm sure you can find these anywhere. These are people I've known for years. Friends of friends, old classmates, etc. We're getting off topic, haha. They exist. That's not the point. I just don't see how having sex with any of them would help my life in any way. I believe you that they exist. I don't think that having sex with them would necessarily help your life unless you are super horny and need an outlet. On the other hand, it must feel really good to be asked! I know that would boost my self esteem at the moment.
Joaquin Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 (edited) I don't really have friends who are woman, but yes, if i think I can get away with no strings sex with acquaintances and I'm horny or desperate at the time then I do it. Just have to assess the likely fallout before doing the the dirty deed. And usually there isn't a whole lot. Edited May 18, 2012 by Joaquin
Green Light Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 No. You're not the only person here. The question does sound a bit 60's on the psychedelic bus free lovish. But maybe I'm from a prudish area too-it's called New York City, perhaps you've heard of it. In all seriousness you never know what's going on on the other side of the wall in a row house or apartment building and there surely are people who have lots of sexual opportunity and perhaps encouragement around them. But I was raised a Catholic and went to all boys schools through high school and I'm straight. So all my "friends" we guys and we didn't put out for each other. I have long wondered how it would be and wished I had been born into a different demographic and knew lots of girls and their sisters who if not were interested in me, were interested in playing Cupid for me. But unfortunately, in swinging NYC, I wasn't born on the other side of the wall. (To be fully truthful about it though, I had a relationship with a girl who worked in the same building and we lived together for 5 years. When that was over and word got around the office, women I was friendly with made overtures. I just did one and it was good and she was a loyal F-buddy for several years. I would not try to juggle women at work and knew I could trust this one for special reasons. It would have made me look very bad if I just womanized. Other guys did it and lived with the consequences but I had all that Catholic stuff still somewhere in my constitution.) I can relate to this. I was raised in a very strict Baptist upbringing. It was all Hell and fire an brimstone all the time. Still, I'm not a prude, but all the people around me seem to be.
Author Tree_Salmon Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 I don't really have friends who are woman, but yes, if i think I can get away with no strings sex with acquaintances and I'm horny or desperate at the time then I do it. Just have to assess the likely fallout before doing the the dirty deed. And usually there isn't a whole lot. Very true. Miss brunette, the only time i thought about it was when I was at my worst after the breakup but I got over it a day later. I'm just curious if it would have helped at all.
Joaquin Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Umm... four days after my most recent break up I had very good monkey sex with a friend of my younger sister. Yes, it felt good but didn't help with getting over the break up at all, but it didn't do any harm either.
MissBrunette84 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Very true. Miss brunette, the only time i thought about it was when I was at my worst after the breakup but I got over it a day later. I'm just curious if it would have helped at all. Ah got you
somedude81 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 How the hell do you actually get offered sex from female friends and acquaintances? WTF!?
Author Tree_Salmon Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 How the hell do you actually get offered sex from female friends and acquaintances? WTF!? haha! we still on this? I think i got my answer... it doesn't make a breakup easier.
Joaquin Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 How the hell do you actually get offered sex from female friends and acquaintances? WTF!? One word. Alcohol.
Author Tree_Salmon Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 One word. Alcohol. Wrong. One word...confidence
Recommended Posts