Reddice Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I'm just curious about your experiences with "wrapping up" your last relationship. The reason I'm asking is because I practically had to force my ex to come pick up her stuff at my place about 2 months ago. She claimed that she was still having a dificult time dealing with the break up and wasn't ready to see me yet. She was also supposed to put a USB stick in my post box, so I could make a backup for the pictures she had on my laptop. They were all of her family and she claimed that those were "precious" to her. Never got any USB stick to do this, so I have deleted all the pictures in the meanwhile. Even to this day I'm still receiving post adressed to her webshop (which might or might not have gone live in the meanwhile). I return them all to sender. It almost seems as if she's not putting an effort to close off her past, even though she ran into somebody else's arms. Is this normal?
MissBrunette84 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Maybe, she really is in too much pain to face it. To let go of little things probably makes it too real that its final for her. Maybe give her a little bit of time and then ask again if she can come get her stuff, it could just be too raw at the moment.
fucpcg Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 When my ex broke up with me, I bought a flash, loaded all her pics, put all of her stuff in boxes, drove to her house when not home, dropped inside her stuff, left her key with it, locked door behind me. It was brutal, but it was the right thing to do:(
Author Reddice Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Thank you for your reply Miss Brunette. I have difficulty believing that she is in too much pain. She was not in pain when she decided to cheat on me and she was not in pain when she told me she stopped loving me 9 months ago (she told me this in February). Top top it off, I saw her a couple of days ago walking with her new bf (the guy she left me for) and she seemed to be enjoying herself. I'm assuming she is happy with how things are going, so I keep wondering what's stopping her from just wrapping it up. To me, it seems as the most logical thing to do when you're truly finished with someone. She was in such a hurry to run to someone else, why no hurry to wrap up the past? It just boggles my mind. Did you ever experience anything similar? Or did your ex'es wrap it up as fast as possible? 1
lilyblue Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 To me, it seems as the most logical thing to do when you're truly finished with someone It seems rare that anything about break ups is ever logical.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I still haven't wrapped it up with my ex. After the break up, I returned when he was at work, packed all my things and left him his keys. I never went back there after that. I forgot tons of stuff (like my book collection). Whenever I hinted that I wanted to come, he always said something like it's still "too painful" to see me. So I stopped hinting and he never offered to drop my stuff off - he lives 20mins away from me and I am sure it's no biggie. I am going to be more pushy over it.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 BTW don't read into it. It's probably laziness more than anything. 2
MissBrunette84 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 It still could be something shes trying to keep or whatever to have that last tiny bit of connection, maybe she doesn't even know why... or maybe she doesnt give a complete damn and thinks none of it is important. My first ex when he broke up with me, the same night I boxed everything up and took it back to him, gave it him at the door and basically 6 years on nevere heard much from him since then lol. my last ex, I just kept the stuff and he kept his and either of us have tried to give anything back. I don't have any bother with it and don't really want to contact him so its different in my situation.
Tree_Salmon Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Thank you for your reply Miss Brunette. I have difficulty believing that she is in too much pain. She was not in pain when she decided to cheat on me and she was not in pain when she told me she stopped loving me 9 months ago (she told me this in February). Top top it off, I saw her a couple of days ago walking with her new bf (the guy she left me for) and she seemed to be enjoying herself. I'm assuming she is happy with how things are going, so I keep wondering what's stopping her from just wrapping it up. To me, it seems as the most logical thing to do when you're truly finished with someone. She was in such a hurry to run to someone else, why no hurry to wrap up the past? It just boggles my mind. Did you ever experience anything similar? Or did your ex'es wrap it up as fast as possible? I like you attitude about this. After I dumped mine she dragged it on long enough to see if I was serious then once she realized i was she spent a week looking for a new man to jump to. Women with this character flaw simply cannot be alone. If your ex had a second of introspection it would probably terrify her to see what kind of person she really is. Ive been in the same boat. Not coming to wrap it up is her way of leaving the crumb there. She knows that this new thing may not work out quickly. You are a possible escape plan. Even if you have no intention of taking her back she likes the security of knowing there something there.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 It's not all about crumbs: maybe she simply doesn't care about her stuff enough to bother with seeing you.
Author Reddice Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 It's not all about crumbs: maybe she simply doesn't care about her stuff enough to bother with seeing you. The thing is... she doesn't really have to see me. We agreed that she could just put a USB stick in my post box and I would backup her pictures and sent it by post back to her. Seeing as she works part-time and I work fulltime, she doesn't have to see me at all. She can come around any time. And for all the post that's adressed to her webshop, she doesn't have to come around either. It's basically just calling the chamber of commerce to let them know the adress has changed. Seeing as the webshop hasn't launched, it's mainly promotional material. Heck, even the chamber of commerce sends their letters to my adress so it's not like they're using an outdated list. She just never called to inform them. I find it strange, because one of the first things I did after the break up was to close our shared bank account. Then I contacted the town hall to let them know she was not living on this address anymore (because of taxes). Seeing as she still had clothes and other stuff of (sentimental) value laying around, the third thing I had to do was to tell her to pick her stuff up as it was a constant reminder of her. I was completely heartbroken, but really needed to get rid of it. It seems as all initiative to move on is coming from me. Perhaps it's lazyness, perhaps some sort of breadcrumb, I don't know. But after living together for year and a half, it's bugging me quite a bit. She took a decision to no longer be part of my life, to leave the house I bought so we could be happily together, so fine! Then leave! But why not wrap it up as fast as possible? If your ex had a second of introspection it would probably terrify her to see what kind of person she really is. This might be true. As philosiraptor might say: "The pleasure is only temporary, the shame will last forever". Perhaps she's just too ashamed to be confronted with her past. When my ex broke up with me, I bought a flash, loaded all her pics, put all of her stuff in boxes, drove to her house when not home, dropped inside her stuff, left her key with it, locked door behind me. It was brutal, but it was the right thing to do:( I feel for you man! Going through all my ex's pictures before deleting them was heartbreaking for me, so I know how that feels. Boxing up her stuff might even have been worse... It's the moment when you come to a realization that there's no turning back.
g450 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Who cares why. As somebody else posted, maybe she is just lazy. My XW left a bunch of crap at our house. She was just too lazy to get it and it was the stuff she really just didnt care about any more. Simple as that. My question is why havent you wrapped it up with her? Just grab all her remaing crap and take it over to her place. Or ship it to her addy. Presto, Fixo, Done. 1
sweetheart5381 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Ya the wrapping it up thing is tough. When my ex out of the blue said he wanted to break up and then 1/2 hr later said that he was just "confused" and wanted "space" I initially agreed and left his place with plans we would get together a few weeks later to discuss the relationship. His cold behaviour that evening was shocking and I left very numb and obviously confused. By the next morning however I came to my senses and dropped all of his stuff off to his place (including recent gifts) while he was at work. He didnt take it well at all. I made it clear by dropping it off that I would not hang on to someone that didn't know if they wanted me or not. To me, breaking the ties is a big part of getting over someone. Ship her stuff back to her and be free from the thoughts and analysis of "why" she is acting the way she is. At the end of the day, she is gone and you have a life to live. Live and be free 1
Recommended Posts