releasethekraken Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I've been with my wife now for 15 years. I'm 33, she's 34, we have 3 boys (15, 9, and 8). We had our first son when I was 17. We both went on to complete college and then we got married before I went to medical school. Med school and residency were horrible and placed a toll on our marriage. I've been a serial offender with meeting girls online and she has found this on many occasions. About two years ago, my wife finally had enough, I guess and started an emotional affair from an old high-school friend on facebook that lasted about a year - never meeting the guy but lots of texts, emails, letters, etc. When I found out, I was crushed and made a lot of great changes. I finally got her back and we moved to another state to start over again. After moving here, she didn't show any real interest in going to counseling, etc and said she didn't want to bring up the past. So we just went on with our lives. I struggle with addiction and once again started going online meeting girls. About two months ago, she found out again and said she wanted a separation. We are currently separated living in the same home. For the first time, she started going to counseling and the counselor has been educating her about codependency. I'm so confused. I love my wife and want to get her back to keep our family together but it almost seems pathologic. She has not given me what I need in our relationship for a long time. This is a real mess now. I'm going to AA meetings and she went to her first Al-Anon meeting and said she didn't get anything out of it because she is "over-it" already and ready to move on with her life. I'm asking her to stay and want to show her that I can go to meetings and work on me. Not for her - but for me. I keep asking her if we can try to get out of the codependency together and learn how to love each other again. I'm almost certain she is talking to the other guy again because she has her phone under lockdown, etc. I feel miserable. I've tried the 180 rule but I keep giving in after a few days - being pathetic. I keep begging her to give this one more shot. I keep asking her to break the codependent cycle with me by trying to work on ourselves but stay together. Any idea I have she puts down. I think her mind is wrapped up in this other guy again. Codependency is an ugly thing. I want my family to be healthy but it just doesn't work when we are together. She is telling me that she wants a clear separation and that she has no trust with me. I understand this but also feel that I can overcome this "sex addiction' with continued therapy. I am confused and feel very anxious most of the day. I just want to become healthy. Thanks for letting me share.
sad puppy Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Why do you keep referring to codependency? Is it related to the alcohol abuse?
Author releasethekraken Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Yes, I have been in recovery for the past two years. The codependency issues we have are very behavioral. I'm happy, she's sad...sort of thing. It's very powerful in our relationship. I just feel so empty and desperate right now.
Recommended Posts