Thomas44 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I was recently in a relationship with an amazing girl for 1 year. I got to admit that i didn't know why she was even with me.. all i had was a part time job and i could barely make ends meet.. only had enough to pay the bills. This girl that i havnt seen since highschool randomly sends me a message on facebook wanting to hang out cause she found out that i lived about 1 minute down the street from her for about a year. We had no clue about that until she heard about it and contacted me. We started hanging out at my house, relaxing, having a good fun time. Withing 2 weeks she considered me her best friend ever. Within a month we started dating. We were so happy that we were talking about marriage and getting our own place when i got my life together. She was the happiest girl i've ever seen. She said that i made her happier than anyone of her ex's ever and that she will always be mine.. forever and ever.. I think she truly loved me and that we were meant to be together. She kept telling me that we were meant to be forever and ever and if we were never together that she would find a way to keep me. It was the most amazing feeling ever. Everything felt perfect for about the first 7 months.. then it all went downhill for the next 5 months.. she started to become irritable with me, starting to push herself away.. i think i kinda pushed her away with my anxiety looking for a fulltime job.. i didnt have money to go out and be with her.. she was very outgoing.. she hung in there for the rest of the 5 months waiting for me to get my life together.. our relationship depended on it.. i kept trying and trying to straighten things out.. it seemed the more i tried, the more i failed.. i couldnt land a decent fulltime job anywhere.. She then started to resent me, bickering at me at every chance that she had even over the littlest things.. then i saw it coming... she then started to push me away.. saying that i had plenty of time to get my life together..i started to get depressed and losing my emotions.. even though she did too, she still had some faith in me that i could do it.. she then started to not want me to touch her for the time being.. filled with anxiety.. then she gave up on me... i kept trying to make things work till then one day i lost her.. the day that i lost her i feel sooo ashamed of.. i didnt see her for 3 days then i texted her and told her i missed her.. she sent a to me in text.. i then lost control of my emotions and flipped out.. saying that im not the one that can make her happy anymore.. depressing state of my life, nothing was going my way.. she then said that we needed a break and i agreed.. then it came down to actually breaking up.. after the break up she then started randomly texted me drawings that she had drew. but she warned me that i needed to not text her all the time and let her have space.. i didnt control myself to respect that.. i let my emotions take over and wouldnt leave her alone, thinking that it was ok to text her because she started textin me first again.. biggest mistake of my life was to bug her... i seemed too desperate, sad, miserable.. i kept sending "i miss you" texts to her.. then she started not responding.. still feeling strong emotions of feeling hope.. i took it wrong.. biggest mistake ever.. so i left her alone for a week then she eventually texted me and asked if i had a sweater of hers.. she wanted it back but didnt want to see me.. i then retaliated and asked if she had my pair of b-ball short.. she said yes "i will get them to you". I then asked if we could talk.. she said no that she was going to her best friends house for dinner. So i then asked her if we could talk another night, she replys "Y?" then i broke down and told her how much i missed her and i want/need her back and that i want to take care of us and her daughter.. and that everything will be ok.. Big mistake.. i was for some reason blinded of my emotions of the break up and missing her and thought that i was doing the right thing of letting her know how i feel.. she then tells me that i screwed up and to get over it.. out of anger i then took everything that she ever got me.. presents/cards saying i love you forever and put them on her doorstep with her sweater.. i walked away angry.. not thinking of how much i just hurt her even more.. dumb, selfish, childish.. she never responded to me after that... on mothers day i sent her flowers and a drawing of a stargazer her favorite flower and a little note saying please dont take this the wrong way, you are a great mother and i wanted to do something nice for you.. big mistake.. She then deleted me from facebook and the day after mothers day someone tells me that she changed her status to another man.. she left me.. and now she wont talk to me... letting go of someone sooo amazing is hard to do... but she gave me time and i didnt give it my all to get my life together.. due to being an emotional disaster with nothing going right for me.. i tried.. but not hard enough.. now i lost the most amazing woman that i have ever had a relationship with.. we felt like we were destined to be together and we had soooo much love together.. and i ruined it all.. i understand now that at the start of the relationship that we shouldnt have moved soo fast to fall in love.. i shouldve gave it time to get my life together without the pressure of having her depending on me to straighten things out.. i acted sooo childish and immature when it came to the break up that i am afraid that she is totally moved on and will not talk to me. and now i found a fulltime job to take care of myself.. although earlier today i sent her a message asking her about artwork (she is very artistic), and she didn't tell me to leave her alone but all that she said was "Y? what is your art question" then i asked it and she then said "Google." i was shocked that she even responded to me with her being in a new relationship but it then hurt cause it basically meant, "dont talk to me"... i am sooo hurt by my screw ups and i have learned alot.. one thing hard to learn is letting go.. i do not believe that i even have a chance to earn her trust back ever and at least be friends again.. i betrayed her.. Everyone is telling me that she is just in a rebound relationship right now because i hurt her sooo bad that she needed another companion to be able to feel better and move on.. people are saying this is good because she still has feelings for me for pulling a rebound move.. but i dont believe that.. i think that she was getting over me while we were still together towards the end.. now i am trying to take it one step at a time to recovery and leave her alone fully.. time to move on.. i screwed up and lost her.. and now i am trying not to lose myself.. i would give anything to be able to talk to her again.. but i dont think she will.. i gave her too many bad reasons too.. i do not believe that i can ever make up for this.. i am working now and trying to teach myself commitment and responsibility and self control to hopefully make my future better.. soulmate or not, it's takes both people to be on the same page to be happy is what i believe. I still love her in my heart.. i miss her more than anything.. and now she is out of my life forever i believe.. hope seems too far gone now to even be a friend later.. so i guess that i just have to be happy for her that she found someone that has a great fulltime job and that can be with her always and help her through life.. so sad it's not with me anymore.. rebound or not.. she found a good guy quick.. time for me to grow up and take responsibility for the mistakes that i have made and forgive myself to move on .. easier said than done when you still feel like she was the one..
Author Thomas44 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 With screw ups that bad, i basically lost all chance that i had to ever get her back.. all i needed to do was leave her alone.. when i left her alone she would initiate contact with me.. but i didnt control my emotions.. i went with what i was feeling and now i feel ruined.. I dont think that i will be ready to meet anyone else for a long time.. my feelings were too great for this one.. i have been in 6 relationships total and i am 29 now.. and this is the worst break up that i have ever had.. i really feel like i have lost apart of myself and that i cannot get over right at this instance.. but only with lots and lots of time to heal i suppose. I just hope that someday i can work towards the better person that i was meant to be and from here on out to keep learning and not screw up, and hopefully she will talk to me.. i hurt her sooo bad that she will never talk to me unless if it's on her own terms.. she will probably be in her new relationship for a good while enjoying her new man and happiness.. hard to let go..
Author Thomas44 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 any opinions? i assume that i screwed this one up beyond repair..
Chi townD Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Yeah dude. She seems completely done with you. Time to move on and get your revenge. And the best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life. Your situation is close to what I went through and this is what I did. My story was a little different and many years ago. But the girl I was supposed to marry cheated on me. When I caught her. She told me I was unmotivated, never going to college, loser, working dead end jobs and going nowhere in life. And she was going with someone that had goals in life. I was devestated and in a major funk until a friend of mine pulled me on a train and spent a weekend in St. Louis. When I got back, I got motivated. I started working out. I did end up in College and a LOT of it. I found I loved the challenge of it. During breaks I would travel, go places and see new things. Meet new people along the way. I got a job after I graduated and became successful in my field and career and I met my wife along the way. A very beautiful and professional woman that has a heart ten times greater than my Ex. I own my own house in the burbs with a nice car and my wife shares my passion for travel. I've been on every continent except for two. I've seen most of the world and I want to see the rest of it! What happened to my Ex? Last I heard was she ended up married to the guy she cheated on me with. But, He was in College and had to transfer to the University of I'm pregnant and you need to get a job. I believe he became an ambulance driver. So, I proved her wrong. I have a good life. SO, Karma hit her square in the eyes because she was wrong about me. I proved that I'm not everything she told me I was. SO, now I have a great, adventurious and comfortable life, and she's just getting by. Little karma and a little revenge. So, you don't have to go through years and years of college like I did. If you like computers then a lot of colleges have 2 year IT programs. If you like cooking there are 2 year culinary arts program. If you like medicine, there are 2 year nursing programs. All of these positions or careers are about $50,000 or more. (well, the chef position, you need to be an exeuctive chef). A little time and study and you can set yourself up with a nice townehome, a nice car and A LOT less problems. There's a good chance that sooner or later she's going to look into what your doing with your life. And the chances are she'll get a little put off thinking, "Why couldn't he have done this when we were together?" OH WELL!! Her loss! Now, get motivated and get going!
Author Thomas44 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 yea. i have been thinking about going back to school. i have been working very hard at this job to try and make a new start at life. I have even started going to the gym 2 weeks ago and have lost almost 20lbs. i try to go on a regular. I know that i have no choice but to move on and work for what i want out of life. i am not going to give up on myself anymore and learn how to deal with everything.. but i am having a problem right now letting go of her in my head.. its like a constant battle no matter what i am doing.. i havnt even hit the anger stage.. still in the sad stage.. i know it will take time, but it feels like it will take forever.. every girl that i talk to or even hits on me whether they are gorgeous or not.. i cant bring myself to see past my ex.. So hard right now. It makes me feel that she was the one.. but if she was the one i guess she wouldve stuck it out alot longer.. As my one friend says though "Hey man.. she stuck it out with you for a year.. that's longer than most girls would stay with a man in your situation only working part time and going paycheck to paycheck. That show's alot about your personality and that I think that you 2 were truly in love. She just didnt get the change she needed at the time she needed it but hey.. you tried very hard to make things work. And i think that she still loves you but she has burried those feelings and moved on, but i believe that those feelings will never truly leave her heart.. just buried." I told her when we were together that if something happened and i would never see her again that i would always love her deeply in my heart.. i have never said that or felt like that in any of my relationships.. I just wished that she would talk to me and tell me from her heart how she felt.. But you are right. i need to move on and make my life better and hopefully meet someone as amazing as her. i dont blame her for my mistakes at all. that's all on me.
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