ThoseDays Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Hi guys So I was dating this girl for 5 years and recently we broke up. I should have given her more attention during certain times of the relationship, and one day we got into a fight and she ended it. I didn't talk to her for a couple days and then she texted me asking to hang out. We hung out but it was very awkward. Maybe I was expecting to get back with her in my head and she was being a little distant. I eventually found out a week after that she is dating someone 25 years older than her and living with him. It was a huge shock for me that she started dating someone else so quickly after breaking up with me, but now I need to figure out if I'm wasting my time or not. So now I am incredibly nice to her, I hang out with her 3-4 times a week. We hooked up a couple times since we broke up, but the last two times we started and then she did she wasn't sure if she should be doing this. I want her back really badly, but I always cater to her 24/7. Am I better off not being so available? I feel like maybe she thinks there's no point in going back to me if I'm always going to be so sweet without having to date me for it. She feels conflicted I can tell, but should I not text/call her as often even though she responds every time? Hope this makes sense. Sorry for the long post.
motive2002 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Dude that's rough. I eventually found out a week after that she is dating someone 25 years older than her and living with him. It was a huge shock for me that she started dating someone else so quickly after breaking up with me, but now I need to figure out if I'm wasting my time or not. It's always a shock when this happens, but what it means is that she had moved on in her own mind before you actually split up. You might think the fight is what caused it, but it may have just been the proverbial last straw. Also, she's living with another man and still getting naked with you? Damn, 5 years. It's a lot to let go of. I mean just from what I read my brain says "just stay away from her", but I know it's gotta be hard for you. I don't think being super nice to her is gonna help her move back in with you, or whatever the situation is. I think I would still be boiling mad that she's already shacked up with someone else, and it would be hard for me to make nice. I don't know how you do it. Walking away would be extremely difficult, but at a glance it looks like your best option.
Author ThoseDays Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Thanks for the response motive. I know she still has some feelings for me (hence the occasional hook ups) and I think you nailed it on the head about the fight being the last straw. She says the current relationship she's in won't last, but that she's happy with who's she is with. I know she genuinely cares about me, and we still hang out when we can (mostly as friends). It just sucks to hang out as friends and then drop her off at her current bf's house. I don't want to smother her, but I know the times I do "play it cool" then I get a little more attention from her. This sucks, but I guess I just gotta roll with the punches and figure it out.
motive2002 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 It just sucks to hang out as friends and then drop her off at her current bf's house. It sucks? Dude, for me it would be completely intolerable. Again I don't know how you do it. It probably seems impossible for you now, but walk away. Walk away with some shred of dignity. She'll hang out with you sure, you're nice and familiar, but it's a goddamn selfish act on her part. Think about it. Getting mad just reading this stuff and it ain't even my ex. Don't be a doormat. Try your best to move on.
Author ThoseDays Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 It sucks? Dude, for me it would be completely intolerable. Again I don't know how you do it. It probably seems impossible for you now, but walk away. Walk away with some shred of dignity. She'll hang out with you sure, you're nice and familiar, but it's a goddamn selfish act on her part. Think about it. Getting mad just reading this stuff and it ain't even my ex. Don't be a doormat. Try your best to move on. I only do it because I still care about her a lot and I know she still cares about me. But you're right about not being a doormat. She says she needs some time to figure things out, but my friends tell me she wouldn't bother with me if she still didn't have feelings for me. But I should go cold turkey on her, you're right man.
motive2002 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Honestly, I'm hoping others will chime in on this. 5 years is a pretty significant investment to simply walk away from. But dude, she's living with another man! Sleeping with him! There's only so much I could personally take. Don't take my advice as gospel. Just trying to offer my own perspective. 1
SciGuy Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Man, and I thought I put up with a lot of crap. This is just ridiculous. Drop her off at another man's house?
TheFinalWord Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Hi guys So I was dating this girl for 5 years and recently we broke up. I should have given her more attention during certain times of the relationship, and one day we got into a fight and she ended it. I didn't talk to her for a couple days and then she texted me asking to hang out. We hung out but it was very awkward. Maybe I was expecting to get back with her in my head and she was being a little distant. I eventually found out a week after that she is dating someone 25 years older than her and living with him. It was a huge shock for me that she started dating someone else so quickly after breaking up with me, but now I need to figure out if I'm wasting my time or not. So now I am incredibly nice to her, I hang out with her 3-4 times a week. We hooked up a couple times since we broke up, but the last two times we started and then she did she wasn't sure if she should be doing this. I want her back really badly, but I always cater to her 24/7. Am I better off not being so available? I feel like maybe she thinks there's no point in going back to me if I'm always going to be so sweet without having to date me for it. She feels conflicted I can tell, but should I not text/call her as often even though she responds every time? Hope this makes sense. Sorry for the long post. Few possibilities: 1) She's liked this guy, probably been cheating for a while and wanted to end the relationship with you "legally" (we fought, broke up, so I'm allowed to screw other people) to find out if it would work. 2) This guy is a rebound. She's trying to find a way to get over you and using this guy. 3) You are the fall back guy. If this doesn't work out she can always go back to you. I agree, there is no way I would hang out with her while she's sleeping with someone else. Bro, she did him that day (guarantee if they're living together it's daily sex), then does you later. That's disgusting IMHO Whichever scenario it is, you're getting the bad end of the deal. Cut it off. At least nothing until she figures out what she wants to do. 5 years is a long time, but think about 15 years of marriage and kids involved. If it is number 2 or 3, the only chance you have is for her to see life without you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. If she still loves you, not seeing you will draw her back. You being around all the time isn't giving her the space to decide. Personally, I'd be done with her. One week after you break up? I'm sorry, but that is fishy. She's probably been cheating for awhile. What guy offers a woman to move in 5 days after they "meet" 1
6ft180natl Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I don't know your relationship but she seems to have no loyalty. Doesn't seem to be long term relationship material....think about it she is cheating on her new boyfriend and for her to be living with him already I would think there is a good chance she may have cheated on you with him? Have you guys had an issue with cheating before in your relationship? Whatever you decide I think it would be a good idea to force yourself to date other women.
DjinnAgain Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Hi guys So I was dating this girl for 5 years and recently we broke up. I should have given her more attention during certain times of the relationship, and one day we got into a fight and she ended it. I didn't talk to her for a couple days and then she texted me asking to hang out. We hung out but it was very awkward. Maybe I was expecting to get back with her in my head and she was being a little distant. I eventually found out a week after that she is dating someone 25 years older than her and living with him. It was a huge shock for me that she started dating someone else so quickly after breaking up with me, but now I need to figure out if I'm wasting my time or not. So now I am incredibly nice to her, I hang out with her 3-4 times a week. We hooked up a couple times since we broke up, but the last two times we started and then she did she wasn't sure if she should be doing this. I want her back really badly, but I always cater to her 24/7. Am I better off not being so available? I feel like maybe she thinks there's no point in going back to me if I'm always going to be so sweet without having to date me for it. She feels conflicted I can tell, but should I not text/call her as often even though she responds every time? Hope this makes sense. Sorry for the long post. If she is living with him after a week, she was cheating - either physically or emotionally - before your relationship ended. And now she's cheating on him to keep you on the hook in case she needs you later? Run like the wind.
dasein Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Move on entirely. The odds are negligible that there wasn't something going on with this other guy during your relationship, and on the off chance it was just a lightspeed rebound, her judgment is awful. 5 YEARS? and she's living with another guy next week? Cmon you know better, bad news, bad bet all around. Any attention you show her during this time is beating the life out of any residual respect she had for you or the relationship. Don't do like she did, start working on yourself, go entirely NC for many months, heal up and avoid relationships altogether, then after several months, get out there and cultivate better options for yourself. Good luck. Quality people worth your time don't end a 5 yr relationship then move in with someone else the next week, they just don't.
mtber75 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Man, this is pathetic! You can't get over her so you like to follow her around like a puppy hoping that she will take you back...What's up with that! I know that 5 years is a long time commitment. But clearly she moved on and you haven't. The fact that you cater to her needs 24/7 means that your an ultimate doormat to her! I mean build some self worth/confidence and don't let women walk all over you!
Author ThoseDays Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Thanks guys. Let the healing process begin.
mixwell Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Wow dude you're really appearing desperate to her. EVERYTHING you're doing is totally wrong ! I was in the same situation with my ex of 7 years and I did some of the same things to her like you're doing. The best thing you can do is tell her that if she doesn't want to reconcile then you cannot continue talking to her because it's too much emotionally. You need to just walk away and tell her you cannot hang out as friends or anything an I guarantee once you do then you will find her contacting you and if not at least you will be able to move on a lot faster !
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