TLY22 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I've just started to notice that a lot of my male friends who are in long term relationships have started to talk about how they're not really having sex with their partners anymore.. Is this normal? I think sex is such an important aspect of a relationship, but these guys, one in particular, have gone months (since September 2011) without having sex with their Significant Other. What I want to know is, ladies; why aren't you as interested in being intimate with your men? And guys; is this okay with you? Is sex no longer an important part of a relationship..?
El Brujo Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Question: do you want to have more sex just for the sake of sex? Seems pretty shallow to me. Take the opportunity to do some emotional bonding instead.
Author TLY22 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Question: do you want to have more sex just for the sake of sex? Seems pretty shallow to me. Take the opportunity to do some emotional bonding instead. No! I think sex is the closest and most emotionally connected that two people can get. I'm single at the moment, and do not have sex freely. Sex is something I value, and I think it's important in maintaining a healthy relationship. Yes, many couples become asexual. Some folks lack imagination (both men and women). Being very sexual as a single person is not indicative of future behavior during marriage. Again, I'm not a very sexual single person; I just think it's important in a relationship. I guess you guys don't? I don't mean sex every single night or anything like that, but no physical connection in over six months? 1
Feelsgoodman Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 After a while, having sex with the same person just get boring. It's like eating the same dish every day. 1
motive2002 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Like anything else, you get out of it what you put into it. If you've been with the same partner for years, you get "comfy". That's a good thing, but when it comes to being sexy, it isn't so much. Gotta make effort. This is why "date night" is important for long term couples. Get out of your own day to day stuff, get dressed up and have fun. Be sexy.. I mean literally put on your best duds and look smart. Go out and get your flirt on together and maybe do something adventurous. Communication is a good thing too. If you like the way her ass looks in a certain outfit, you better say so. If she likes the way you look in a certain shirt, that's good information! Chances are something drew you to your partner that stands out. Exploit it! Flirt with it! Make time where you can to get into that groove. Just thinking out loud.
FitChick Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Like anything else, you get out of it what you put into it. That's it in a nutshell. My women friends complain about no sex, too. Sometimes one or both parties have gained weight and are no longer sexy to their partner.
Cypress25 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 What I want to know is, ladies; why aren't you as interested in being intimate with your men? Probably because the men have gotten lazy in their relationships and think they no longer need to make an effort because they've already got the girl.
Badsingularity Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 It's because not many men understand what truly turns women on. There are many women out there who also don't know what turns them on or at least can't put it into words well enough for their guy to understand. 4
FrustratedStandards Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 *gasp* How dare you say something so horrible?! Sex is one of the top three most important things!!! It's less by only a very minimal amount, and that's because you either a) are tired from having sex all the time b) have outsexed your partner for now and need a little break or c) your vagina hurts from all the sex and you need to recover for a while HOWEVER, if the boyfriend has changed since the start of the relationship (physically or mentally) then she might not be attracted to him anymore. I have had one relationship like this. All the others it was one of the three options I mentioned. That's why I think that sex is a HUGE indicator of what's really going on in a relationship. 1
Feelsgoodman Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Further, a lot of men will blame women for loosing their sexual appetite. But sometimes what we fail to discuss is that a lot of men stop trying to get to know and woo their woman. Always the man's fault Maybe it's the women who fail to "woo" their men.
FrustratedStandards Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Always the man's fault Maybe it's the women who fail to "woo" their men. Hard to imagine given that they are "wooed" by the simple sight of a vagina
Disenchantedly Yours Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Always the man's fault Maybe it's the women who fail to "woo" their men. No, not always the man's fault Feelsgoodman, it is a two way street. Women certianly have their faults. You are always very eager to point that out yourself. You can either seriously consider what I am saying or be defensive and get upset that I am specifically pointing something I've experienced with men myself and think is actually a big problem today.
Feelsgoodman Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Hard to imagine given that they are "wooed" by the simple sight of a vagina And what do you get wooed by? The sight of a fat wallet and expensive dinner?
Author TLY22 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 (edited) Probably because the men have gotten lazy in their relationships and think they no longer need to make an effort because they've already got the girl. It's because not many men understand what truly turns women on. There are many women out there who also don't know what turns them on or at least can't put it into words well enough for their guy to understand. It's not always the men getting lazy or not knowing how to turn on their girl, but more the women just not having a bar of it. They just are not interested in being intimate with their guys anymore. I agree with what was said earlier - a relationship without a sexual bond is just a friendship. Is it because they're complacent? I just don't understand.. Edited May 18, 2012 by TLY22
FrustratedStandards Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 And what do you get wooed by? The sight of a fat wallet and expensive dinner? Yes!! Pretty simple isn't it? Yet men still complain. The gym and the wallet is all they need. In a "man's world", it shouldn't be too hard to pay for a few dates and hit the gym a few times a week. Men STILL don't get that by doing these TWO THINGS ONLY their list of potential mates will triple. 1
maybealone Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 What I want to know is, ladies; why aren't you as interested in being intimate with your men? And guys; is this okay with you? Please don't always jump to the conclusion that if a couple isn't having sex, it is the woman's fault. There are many of us women who would be thrilled to have sex every day, but do not have a willing partner.
HHC Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I've just started to notice that a lot of my male friends who are in long term relationships have started to talk about how they're not really having sex with their partners anymore.. Is this normal? I think sex is such an important aspect of a relationship, but these guys, one in particular, have gone months (since September 2011) without having sex with their Significant Other. What I want to know is, ladies; why aren't you as interested in being intimate with your men? And guys; is this okay with you? Is sex no longer an important part of a relationship..? I have easily gone months without having sex with my husband. Of course we have issues of chonric illness and depression. But at the end of the day I have a higher libido than him and the lack of sex is a mixture of him not being interested and life. Kids, work, friends, life, all make sex a chore on certain days. I NEED and DESIRE to be intimate with my husband but sometimes he just isn't in the mood, and on occasion neither am I. I wouldn't dare push him as we have enough issues with sex as it is. I'm sure men feel the same. Sometimes sex is important, and always will, but other times it's not worth the fight.
pandagirl Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Funny, I just had this talk with my married girlfriend last night. Being intimate and close with your partner is very important, however, as you get older, sometimes other things take precedence: kids, sleep, work, etc. We came to the conclusion that what's more important than sex, is to make your partner feel appreciated and valued. And, funny enough, if you do that, the sex will probably follow.
DjinnAgain Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I would hate to be in a relationship where there wasn't usually sex at least a few times a week. I think it's very important. But if the two people are on the same page with each other, you can't judge a relationship based on that alone. People have different needs.
carhill Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 A number of my closest friends are in the 55-70 age range and such isn't uncommon for them. They don't say it directly, as most men I know won't talk about their love life with their spouse to an outsider, but they do hint around. From my listening, it sounds somewhat balanced, with decreased interest from/by the spouse matching up pretty well with decreased testosterone, medical issues and/or impotence/ED in the man. Marriages range from 16 to 32 years in length. Without similar anecdotes from newer relationships in the same age range, it's hard to control for age/relationship length. What I hear is that sex is still on their mind, just not at a sufficiently strong level to impel substantial action, whether that be approaching their partner overtly or getting assistance for the medical issues which are otherwise not life-threatening. Perhaps there's some mortality depression involved too. I recall, when depressed while caregiving, my interest in sex plummeted and that was an issue for myself and my exW.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 The gym and the wallet is all they need Wow. That is SO not true for me. Sexual attraction is a big part of what brings people together. I think it exists biologically for that purpose. So once you are together, the game changes somewhat. I think if people are accustomed to just getting this overwhelming feeling of "I gotta have it NOW" they might be failing to work on their sex life with their spouse in other ways, as the relationship grows, deepens, has challenges, a bunch of real life interferences, etc. And people get older, bodies don't remain the same, hormones and drives fluctuate and change permanently, etc. I think married people need to be conscious about their sexual relationship with their spouse and not let it fade away just because the urgency might have lessened. In many cases, both partners feel okay about this "sexless marriage" and they don't even realize that they have allowed their bond to weaken and maybe even left their marriage at risk.
xxoo Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I think married people need to be conscious about their sexual relationship with their spouse and not let it fade away just because the urgency might have lessened. That's such a good point. Getting in bed together, skin-to-skin, can evoke the "urge" nicely, and can lead to sex just as exciting and satisfying as the "urgent" sex of new relationships. More satisfying, usually, because practice makes perfect
FitChick Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 don't think for one minute his gaze isn't still inexorably drawn to the bodies of other women every day of his life. And don't think for a minute women don't look at young, slim, toned, attractive men. We can appreciate a nice visual as much as we do a fine painting. Just yesterday afternoon as I was sitting in traffic at a stoplight, several of them crossed the street in front of me. I noticed how they all had toned pecs straining against their shirts. Even the ones wearing shirts and ties had the shirts tailored to show off their physiques. No, I wasn't in Boys Town, they weren't gay (as far as I know). If anything I thought, They must be players! 2
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I should've said "some of its power". No doubt you and your body still turn your man on and no doubt he loves you dearly, but don't think for one minute his gaze isn't still inexorably drawn to the bodies of other women every day of his life, be they images or just girls on the street. Why? Because they're different. Different sizes, different shapes. Larger or smaller breasts. Thinner or wider waists. Smaller or larger bums. Did she say her husband did not notice and look at different women? I don't think she did. I think she talked about her sexual rapport with her husband which involves her bod. 1
xxoo Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I have absolutely no issue understanding, or accepting, that my H will notice other attractive female bodies, just as I notice other attractive male bodies. It is a non-issue in our long term sexual attraction to each other. I can say with certainty that he's spent more hours gazing appreciably at my bod than any other woman's bod 4
Recommended Posts