marsha80 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I have a date this weekend and it's at 7pm. He's picking the place, etc. and has already started to plan everything (reservations, etc.). How do I carefully steer things so that it ends up only being drinks, and not dinner? It's a bit difficult to get out of a date when you have to at least get through the entree before trying to make a tactful exit if things aren't going well.
FrustratedStandards Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 "Hey, listen I would rather go out for drinks than a meal." Not that hard.
Sid6.7 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I agree with you. Taking a girl to dinner for a date is OUT! Don't do it. Just say, hey my plans have changed somewhat for me and lets just meet up after dinner for drinks. He should appreciate the honesty and the fact he isn't wasting money. He shouldn't be buying dinner in the first place but that is for another topic.
Feelsgoodman Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Just say, hey my plans have changed somewhat for me and lets just meet up after dinner for drinks. He should appreciate the honesty and the fact he isn't wasting money. Actually, that's not "honesty". That's a lie. Her plans haven't changed. She just doesn't want to go on a dinner. Plus it may come across the wrong way (he may think that she's meeting another dude for dinner). I agree with the approach advocated by frustrated standard. Just say that you'd rather have drinks then dinner.
FitChick Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Why not meet early for drinks and then, if you like him and the feeling is mutual, you can continue the date through dinner. 2
motive2002 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I've been on blind dates and OLD meetups. Coffee is probably, in my opinion the most appropriate first "date" in that scenario. Drinks I'm not sure about. Alcohol can loosen you up a bit and relax some nerves, but it can also cloud your judgement, and mess with your inhibitions. The walk of shame is never pretty. Coffee has caffeine, which gets you a bit chatty. Seems like a good fit.
soserious1 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I have a date this weekend and it's at 7pm. He's picking the place, etc. and has already started to plan everything (reservations, etc.). How do I carefully steer things so that it ends up only being drinks, and not dinner? It's a bit difficult to get out of a date when you have to at least get through the entree before trying to make a tactful exit if things aren't going well. OP, I think I'd level with the guy a bit, tell him that 1st dates are nerve wracking & that you think it would be better to take the pressure off of you both. Suggest going to a place that serves drinks & hot apps instead of a full blown sit down dinner. If things go poorly then you've both only spent an hour, if things go well you can decide to grab dinner as well.
bac Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I have a date this weekend and it's at 7pm. He's picking the place, etc. and has already started to plan everything (reservations, etc.). How do I carefully steer things so that it ends up only being drinks, and not dinner? It's a bit difficult to get out of a date when you have to at least get through the entree before trying to make a tactful exit if things aren't going well. If you agree to have a date, you probably like him a little bit. So, let a man to be a man. A mature man is capable of making a decision about his preferences for the first date on his own without your guidance. He does not need a woman(as his a mother's substitute) to tell him what to do. He treats you as a real man with respect. What is the tactful exit are you talking about? How could dinner turns out badly? It cannot go wrong unless you are going to pay for that. You meet him and have a romantic dinner. Then, you do whatever you want. I typically say 'thank you' and go home. I do not kiss any man on the first and second dates. If any of you does not want the second date, it is normal because it is expected after the first date.
William Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 The topic is about dinner on first dates, yay or nay, not a character assessment of who pays. We have had, can have and will have more threads on the latter. This isn't one of them. Carry on. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 OP, next time, steer things a little more from the outset. I would not want to have a dinner date for a first meet. I also (for the record) was not interested AT ALL in having a guy pay for my food so I could stuff my face at his expense. Anyway, now that he's made all these plans it's a little more awkward than if you just said at the outset something like "let's meet at Joe's for a drink" when he started talking about reservations, etc. Next time.
Phennyphen Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I've had one dinner date odf POF, all the others have been drinks/coffee. The problem was that when I met the guy at the restaurant, I imediatley thought 'no', he didnt look like his pictures, bit of a mummys boy and quite a bit fatter. But I then had to go for mini golf (! Dont ask), drinks and then dinner (he'd booked a restaurant). I wouldnt of judged him purely on his pics but he was really boring too. He insisted on paying for dinner, though I offered because I knew I wasnt going to see him again. I felt bad because he'd paid when I really wasnt feeling it. Also, like people have stated, the evening was a waste of time for both of us, about 5 hours of wanting to go home.
Kamille Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Thanks, everyone. Though, I didn't expect this to spark such controversy! Very interesting. The controversy has been on-going for years on this forum and usually involves people who hold radical views. Make of it what you want. About your question: I agree with those who suggest you tell him you'd rather meet for drinks then dinner. If, once there, a spark ignites, proceed with dinner. You hesitation is, after all, pretty understandable. It would take the pressure off the both of you. That said, a long drawn out dinner is just that: a long drawn out dinner. I don't know if you ever have meal-meetings in your profession, but one long-drawn out dinner once in awhile really isn't the end of the world.
grkBoy Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I have a date this weekend and it's at 7pm. He's picking the place, etc. and has already started to plan everything (reservations, etc.). How do I carefully steer things so that it ends up only being drinks, and not dinner? It's a bit difficult to get out of a date when you have to at least get through the entree before trying to make a tactful exit if things aren't going well. Look at you...already more or less thinking more about how to not see this guy again rather than thinking "hey...this will be a wonderful night out with a guy" Show a little positivity. Go out to dinner, chat, get to know him, then call it a night after dinner if you find he's not for you. In the end, drinks or dinner would probably go the same amount of time. Now if you're more looking to quickly end things in an hour...then save yourself the trouble and just cancel the date. I can see wanting it to be just coffee or drinks if this is a blind date or OLD date. I just think you shouldn't worry so much about an exit strategy and just walk in with an open mind. I personally don't think dinner is a "no no". If women out there do think that and want dating to be a quick check if I'm "worthy" of investing time in, then I'd rather be single and smile at all the females who endlessly complain "There are no decent men out there!" I went on a blind date once. Like you would expect, she was a hippo. Still, we had dinner and chatted for a few hours. We didn't go on any more dates, but I still remained a gentleman and treated her like a lady. If you have to worry this much on exit strategies...then do yourself a favor don't bother dating at all.
Stephanie Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I just deleted 57 off topic posts on this thread, most of which happened after William'a warning. Keep it on topic. If you want to discuss who should pay for a date and all that entails (again) feel free to start a thread on the subject. Thanks
Author marsha80 Posted May 19, 2012 Author Posted May 19, 2012 on the flips side, i'm meeting someone at 9pm tonight, and I think i over ate... oh well....ready or not, time to start getting snazzed-up
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