diegovan Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 New here, just wanted to ask some opinions so i don't make the same mistake again. Full story as short as i can. Saw this girl about a year ago at an event, and i was immediately attracted to her. I never got talking to her but the few times she was at the same event i would talk to my close colleague about how i really fancied her and would love to ask her out. I never got the opportunity, or should i say, i bottled it and didn't make the opportunity. just a few weekends ago, there she was, at this gig in the bar. i was off work, and saw she was talking to a girl colleague who i recently have become drinking buddies with her and her boyfriend. she introduces us, and we start chatting and getting on really well. conversations split and i ended up talking to a different group, asked mutual friend if she had a boyfriend, she didn't so i went back up and we ended up chatting alone. i asked her for her number, got it, and she said she was going home. she didn't, and we ended up kissing outside. we were very comfortable with each other, it was fun, and she was holding my hand as we head to a bar with everyone. she was a little more drunk than i, and after a while at the bar, more kissing and talking, she ended up chatting with her friends and me mine, and our mutual friend put her in a cab, i said i'd call. i ended up getting a text an hour later, while i was still at the bar. some text flirting and then, and invitation back. i went back to her place, and i acted like a complete gentleman. nothing happened apart from chatting kissing, and then sleeping in her bed. next morning, both hung over, i had to leave to head to an appointment, but she was a little cold, nothing like the night before, but said call me. that night i got a text, asking how my day was, i text her back and we arranged our first date. i have to admit, i was really nervous. it started with an akward moment where she went for the cheek and i didn't (should have thought that through), but when we got to the bar, and got drinks, it was very different. i mean conversation didn't seem forced, and we chatted, i tried so my nerves didn't get the better of me(mostly) and tried to always bring things back to ask about her ( sometimes when im nervous i tell stories or just chat alot). when i say it was different, i felt she was really reserved. like holding back. a lot. my initial thought was she might have felt a little embarressed about the previous night, that she might think, i thought this was easy, or that i expected something at the end of the night, but i tried my best just to keep things first date like, finding out about each other, interests. things like that. after a couple of beers ( it was a work night, both had worked long days and had long days the next day) i asked her if she wanted to head or have another, and she chose to have another. i joked about how that was her out, and she laughed. we chatted more and then head. small kiss on the lips a few times, no big kiss, and she said thanks for a nice night. and that was that. looking over the date in my head the next day, i thought that it went ok for a first date, with nerves, and having had the night on the weekend, which could have added to nerves or thoughts. i had a few observations, there were a few jests i made, that are usual for me, that she probably didnt' find funny. but then other things when i didn't think i was funny, she was laughing. probably when i wasn't nervous and not thinking. i think conversation was about 60/40 if im honest, with me, i was trying my best to focus on not letting the nerves get to me. but a few times i let the conversation just calmly end, i didnt' want to rush into new topics every time there was a silence. i found them comfortable, i'd then just calmly ask another question. with the 3rd beer, things were more relaxed, but then the date was over. next night, i sent a text at the advice of friends, kept it casual, mentioned i had a nice night and said if she was free at the weekend, she could let me know and we could do something. and this is where i'm a little, hmm... ok... what happened. i got a text with the usual cliches, not looking for anything, nice guy, had fun, sure ill see you around, take care, type thing. i was a little dissapointed, but hey, thats just how it rolls. I sent a casual text back, joking just saying ouch! sure ill see you around. take care. she text back, laughing at it, saying she'll definitely see me around some time. just wondering, if there are any tell tail things that i did wrong, or weather anyone has experienced something like this. i mean, when we met at the weekend, it was really nice. really comfortable. and like... i dunno. you don't meet people like that randomly and feel really into each other straight away all the time. but then the date, was like, 4 steps back. I'm not very experienced with dating, usually meet people through work, or a friend. did i do something wrong so i know in the future? coz i kinda feel like i blew it with a girl i wanted a date with for over a year. sorry, that was kinda long.
firehawk_1 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 move on. its how women are. simple. you experienced it. everyone else has yet no woman is willing to admit the truth: they play games. they waste time. they go from one guy to the next and expect to find someone that they imagine in their ditzy heads - it does not exist for them but they will keep trying. they do not know what reality is. they dont have attention span either. move on to someone else. they treat us decent man bad...then say "oh, why cant I find a decent man?"... move on. 1
TheFinalWord Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 New here, just wanted to ask some opinions so i don't make the same mistake again. Full story as short as i can. Saw this girl about a year ago at an event, and i was immediately attracted to her. I never got talking to her but the few times she was at the same event i would talk to my close colleague about how i really fancied her and would love to ask her out. I never got the opportunity, or should i say, i bottled it and didn't make the opportunity. just a few weekends ago, there she was, at this gig in the bar. i was off work, and saw she was talking to a girl colleague who i recently have become drinking buddies with her and her boyfriend. she introduces us, and we start chatting and getting on really well. conversations split and i ended up talking to a different group, asked mutual friend if she had a boyfriend, she didn't so i went back up and we ended up chatting alone. i asked her for her number, got it, and she said she was going home. she didn't, and we ended up kissing outside. we were very comfortable with each other, it was fun, and she was holding my hand as we head to a bar with everyone. she was a little more drunk than i, and after a while at the bar, more kissing and talking, she ended up chatting with her friends and me mine, and our mutual friend put her in a cab, i said i'd call. i ended up getting a text an hour later, while i was still at the bar. some text flirting and then, and invitation back. i went back to her place, and i acted like a complete gentleman. nothing happened apart from chatting kissing, and then sleeping in her bed. next morning, both hung over, i had to leave to head to an appointment, but she was a little cold, nothing like the night before, but said call me. that night i got a text, asking how my day was, i text her back and we arranged our first date. i have to admit, i was really nervous. it started with an akward moment where she went for the cheek and i didn't (should have thought that through), but when we got to the bar, and got drinks, it was very different. i mean conversation didn't seem forced, and we chatted, i tried so my nerves didn't get the better of me(mostly) and tried to always bring things back to ask about her ( sometimes when im nervous i tell stories or just chat alot). when i say it was different, i felt she was really reserved. like holding back. a lot. my initial thought was she might have felt a little embarressed about the previous night, that she might think, i thought this was easy, or that i expected something at the end of the night, but i tried my best just to keep things first date like, finding out about each other, interests. things like that. after a couple of beers ( it was a work night, both had worked long days and had long days the next day) i asked her if she wanted to head or have another, and she chose to have another. i joked about how that was her out, and she laughed. we chatted more and then head. small kiss on the lips a few times, no big kiss, and she said thanks for a nice night. and that was that. looking over the date in my head the next day, i thought that it went ok for a first date, with nerves, and having had the night on the weekend, which could have added to nerves or thoughts. i had a few observations, there were a few jests i made, that are usual for me, that she probably didnt' find funny. but then other things when i didn't think i was funny, she was laughing. probably when i wasn't nervous and not thinking. i think conversation was about 60/40 if im honest, with me, i was trying my best to focus on not letting the nerves get to me. but a few times i let the conversation just calmly end, i didnt' want to rush into new topics every time there was a silence. i found them comfortable, i'd then just calmly ask another question. with the 3rd beer, things were more relaxed, but then the date was over. next night, i sent a text at the advice of friends, kept it casual, mentioned i had a nice night and said if she was free at the weekend, she could let me know and we could do something. and this is where i'm a little, hmm... ok... what happened. i got a text with the usual cliches, not looking for anything, nice guy, had fun, sure ill see you around, take care, type thing. i was a little dissapointed, but hey, thats just how it rolls. I sent a casual text back, joking just saying ouch! sure ill see you around. take care. she text back, laughing at it, saying she'll definitely see me around some time. just wondering, if there are any tell tail things that i did wrong, or weather anyone has experienced something like this. i mean, when we met at the weekend, it was really nice. really comfortable. and like... i dunno. you don't meet people like that randomly and feel really into each other straight away all the time. but then the date, was like, 4 steps back. I'm not very experienced with dating, usually meet people through work, or a friend. did i do something wrong so i know in the future? coz i kinda feel like i blew it with a girl i wanted a date with for over a year. sorry, that was kinda long. You went to her house (invited) and just slept in her bed. You were a one night stand, but didn't act on it. For whatever reason she's not wanting more than that. Not worth analyzing. As far as "Feeling really into each other" straight away. I"ve had it happen, but 95% of the time only the guy feels like that. Girls take longer to decide if they want to invest in you. Point is, don't assume she is feeling that immediate attraction you feel. Her follow up actions tell a lot more. In this case, she let you know she's not interested. Don't hound her about it. You didn't do anything wrong other than a little naive about what she was looking for. Video you need to watch
Author diegovan Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 Yeah, maybe its that simple. I just always though that if a first date didn't go terrible, and you were chatting, and there was a balance, some laughs, and there were no serious personality clashes, that you'd at least get a second one. where things would be a little more relaxed. i mean i had a date last month where the chick rocked up drunk, and talked for 3 hours straight. then ended up chatting about her ex. both of us knew there wouldn't be a second one, and i found out later through a mutual friend, that yeah, she totally knew it didn't go well and needs to get over her ex before dating again. but there were none of those red flags in this one. just surprised i guess.
Author diegovan Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 You went to her house (invited) and just slept in her bed. You were a one night stand, but didn't act on it. For whatever reason she's not wanting more than that. Not worth analyzing. As far as "Feeling really into each other" straight away. I"ve had it happen, but 95% of the time only the guy feels like that. Girls take longer to decide if they want to invest in you. Point is, don't assume she is feeling that immediate attraction you feel. Her follow up actions tell a lot more. In this case, she let you know she's not interested. Don't hound her about it. You didn't do anything wrong other than a little naive about what she was looking for. Video you need to watch she was really drunk and a friend of one of my new friends in work. I decided to just keep it cool. and she was in her period so, wouldn't of happened even if i decided to not give a **** about that. interesting point about feelings, i ****ing get that a lot to be honest. I'll see a chick, and she could be a 9 or a 10, and the guys will be all talking about her, and i know shes really hot, i know that, but i'll see this other chick, and for some reason, i just get this feeling, like theres something about her. it's anoying, coz this has been happening years. so it turns out only guys feel like that. oh, im not going to hound anyone, just wondered if there was something in the date i did.
marsha80 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Sometimes, alcohol will play a major role in the initial 'attraction' but when push comes to shove, things just don't pan out like you would have hoped they would.
Imajerk17 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Well, good call on NOT having sex with her at her place if she was drunk. If you are a man having sex with an intoxicated woman, you could get into SERIOUS trouble with the law. Even if she initiated it. (For some reason, the law doesn't go the other way. As long as no force was involved, a woman won't be in legal trouble for having sex with an intoxicated guy. Go figure...) We live in an ADD world. Most first dates will not lead to seconds.
TheFinalWord Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 she was really drunk and a friend of one of my new friends in work. I decided to just keep it cool. and she was in her period so, wouldn't of happened even if i decided to not give a **** about that. interesting point about feelings, i ****ing get that a lot to be honest. I'll see a chick, and she could be a 9 or a 10, and the guys will be all talking about her, and i know shes really hot, i know that, but i'll see this other chick, and for some reason, i just get this feeling, like theres something about her. it's anoying, coz this has been happening years. so it turns out only guys feel like that. oh, im not going to hound anyone, just wondered if there was something in the date i did. Yeah, it's called animal instinct haha Oh, I'm not saying you should have gone for it! I don't advocate one night stands. But it was probably worse to go to her house, spend the night, and not do anything if this was a woman you were actually interested in dating. It would have been better to not go back with her and try to ask for a date later on if you actually liked her. Play hard to get a little. Plus she was drunk. Alcohol lowers inhibitions so you can't take anything she said or did when she was drunk and think it would be the same when she was sober. No, I know what you mean. Some women have an "aura" about them that is really attractive. I've felt it and the girl doesn't have to be a 9 or 10. I don't know if only guys feel it, but I do know we go from 0 to 60 in about 10 seconds. Women usually take longer to feel that connection. They can feel attraction right away, but they need an emotional connection which takes time. Men don't always need that and can fall in love much faster At least that's my perspective.
Author diegovan Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 So if in future i actually like the girl, don't go back. i'll take that on board if this happens again. yeah, 0-60 in about ten seconds sounds about right. i'm a devil for that. just get this feeling about them, and i can never explain it. Well a few lessons learned from this. Not gonna dwell on her though, i mean people either like you or they don't, can't change that. Even if i didn't go back though, wonder if she'd have been less reserved on the date. might have been had a little less on her mind about what happened or what i think or what ever. ahh well, Win some, lose some.
SJC2008 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I'm surprised to hear that a guy can get feelings for a woman faster. I have had a few of those "aura" attractions in my life. About 3, make's the women seem like the most beautiful gal on the planet. That's why I felt so bad about the last girl that I had 3 dates with, it was the gut level attraction. At least she had the courtesy to tell you op instead of blowing you off. Don't try to think it was you bc youll be at a disadvantage with the next girl you date!
motive2002 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 OP I am totally like you. I try not to be, but in the end what do I do? OVER ANALYZE friggin EVERYTHING! I read the entire post. It's almost as though your nervous system was on crack the whole time. I'm surprised you didn't just explode right there on the date! RELAX bro. If she likes you, great, if she doesn't oh well. If you get chatty on dates, whatever. Just try to relax. I'm thinking her hotness factor got you all bunged up. This doesn't account for the alcohol from the night you kissed or whatever. I've had nearly the same crap happen to me. Almost exactly! Chick was hot.. inhibitions were going out the window.. I did manage to score though, but it was for not. After seeing her date other guys later on I realized I wasn't even her type. Not even close (both physically and lifestyle-wise). Ahh well. You got to first base with a hot chick. Worse things could have happened. For all you know, her not being into could be a blessing in disguise as you didn't really know her that well. Your first date could have been doomed from the start. It happens. Next time try to get a girl's number when you are both sober, and try to relax when you're on the date.
Feelsgoodman Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 i went back to her place, and i acted like a complete gentleman. nothing happened apart from chatting kissing, and then sleeping in her bed. next morning, both hung over, i had to leave to head to an appointment, but she was a little cold, nothing like the night before, but said call me. That's where you lost the plot. A girl doesn't invite you over to her place expecting you to be a "complete gentleman". I have no doubt that someone less gentlemanly is filling her vagina right now.
Author diegovan Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Yeah SJC, at least she was honest straight away, and there was no messing around. Straight to the point, thanks but no thanks. Motive, Over analyzing everything is a really bad habit i've had for years too. If i'm in a social circle when i meet women, i'm much more relaxed and can get to know them fine, but one on one dating when i'm really attracted to them, i've to work hard on trying to chill out. interesting point about not even being the girls type. I mean she met me drunk, so when we met sober, she could have almost changed her mind from the start of the date.
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