Freddys Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Hi guys, Next week is my bday, a very special bday and I think is a good occasion to re-access a romantic affair with a woman I really like. We were close enough, attraction was high sometimes, but with me being passive and her hesitation (due her break up last year) things didn't move forward that much . . . (we were "dating" for months). She is a woman with a (very) serious health issue, my intentions are pretty clear and she knows. But since she wasn't ready for anything serious we got separate, and things went cold. I would like to try to re-warm things with her but we 've been lost close contact the last 3 months. Had a couple of phonecalls for some stuff and just a big meeting with mutual friends. I want to invite her for dinner for my bday (she knows it) and was wondering if is too much of an "movement" for me to make, don't want to make her feel extra pressure of me or something like a "stalker" to her. Well, some times you need to act to see a reaction. What you think guys?
Pasttense Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 If you invite her on your birthday, she will feel pressure to get you a birthday present. So I don't think it is a good idea. Just pick an ordinary day to get back together. 1
FrustratedStandards Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Dinner for just the two of you or dinner with a group of people? And why is this an affair? Are either of you married or in a relationship?
Author Freddys Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 If you invite her on your birthday, she will feel pressure to get you a birthday present. So I don't think it is a good idea. Just pick an ordinary day to get back together. Yes, had the same thought myself, not that she should get me a bday present but that she should accept my offer so I don't feel "bad" on a very special day like my bday. Dinner for just the two of you or dinner with a group of people? And why is this an affair? Are either of you married or in a relationship? Dinner for just the two of us.
Ursa Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 There is a way to play this to make it extra romantic, kind of "All I want for my birthday is you/your company." If she's the type to melt at romantic gestures, and if you're the type to be comfortable making that kind of ballsy gesture even though it could backfire and sour your birthday--then go for it, go big. Of course, previous posters have made some valid points when pointing out that it might be awkward for her, or she might feel pressures of obligation because it's your birthday. It's just really impossible for strangers on a message board to know which way this will go. On the plus side, you have history with this woman so you should have some handle on how she is likely to react. There are also other factors at play--she knows that you are interested despite her having a serious medical condition, which should indicate that your interest is very genuine, which is very moving to many women. On the other hand, you two tried this out once and it fizzled, which is usually not a good indicator for a successful future romance. I assume, btw, that when you describe your relationship as an affair you are simply using that in the broader, more old-fashioned sense which can be synonymous with "fling". However if you mean that you are married and looking to rekindle this woman as your piece on the side, my advice is to back off, leave this woman alone, and seek marriage counseling.
Author Freddys Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 There is a way to play this to make it extra romantic, kind of "All I want for my birthday is you/your company." If she's the type to melt at romantic gestures, and if you're the type to be comfortable making that kind of ballsy gesture even though it could backfire and sour your birthday--then go for it, go big. Of course, previous posters have made some valid points when pointing out that it might be awkward for her, or she might feel pressures of obligation because it's your birthday. It's just really impossible for strangers on a message board to know which way this will go. On the plus side, you have history with this woman so you should have some handle on how she is likely to react. There are also other factors at play--she knows that you are interested despite her having a serious medical condition, which should indicate that your interest is very genuine, which is very moving to many women. On the other hand, you two tried this out once and it fizzled, which is usually not a good indicator for a successful future romance. I assume, btw, that when you describe your relationship as an affair you are simply using that in the broader, more old-fashioned sense which can be synonymous with "fling". However if you mean that you are married and looking to rekindle this woman as your piece on the side, my advice is to back off, leave this woman alone, and seek marriage counseling. Excellent reply, thanks a lot. Well, I meant "affair" . . . mostly a romance. If things were fizzled, I was the one to blame, not her. We both are under 30, never married & free at the moment. My guess for her reaction is that she may be flattered in a way but she 'll feel pressure and surprise at the same time for me asking her out on a date 3 months later (!). Hard decision to make ...
FrustratedStandards Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Dinner for just the two of us. Hmm...well it really depends on what kind of person she is. Is she the kind of gal who would enjoy getting together over a dinner? Or does "dinner" automatically have bigger implications? It's your call, but if there are still really strong emotions and other things going on, then I wouldn't do it. Especially since it's for YOUR birthday. It's like you are treating yourself to her, and i'm not sure how she would feel about that.
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