Moose Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 K, so...we agreed to file ourselves with one paralegal to fill the paper work out....done, notarized and ready to file. She's taken the parenting class already, I take mine Monday. She'll be getting $ 800.00 a month for child support and maintenance. She's found a house to move into, (after I paid $1,250.00 of course). Then she left her new, "budget" lying around and noticed that she's expecting $ 400.00 every two weeks. Math was never her strong suit, so when she finds out that she'll only be getting $ 369.23 every two weeks, (800X12/26) she is going to FLIP!!! Also, she's re-thinking about what we had agreed upon even though everything is ready to go to court. I just found out that by her having over 30 single men on FB and 94 men on "My Yearbook" that if I reveal this evidence, the court could decide that she's on her own and I'd get full custody of our children. I don't want to hurt her like that, or the children.....but now I'm re-thinking our settlement. Should I leave well enough alone, or fight?
worldgonewrong Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I just found out that by her having over 30 single men on FB and 94 men on "My Yearbook" that if I reveal this evidence, the court could decide that she's on her own and I'd get full custody of our children. how would that tilt the scales in your favor? (I ask that genuinely - don't understand)
Author Moose Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 It shows the court that she has been, and continues to be actively engaged in extra-marital activities.
whichwayisup Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Also, she's re-thinking about what we had agreed upon even though everything is ready to go to court. I just found out that by her having over 30 single men on FB and 94 men on "My Yearbook" that if I reveal this evidence, the court could decide that she's on her own and I'd get full custody of our children. I don't want to hurt her like that, or the children.....but now I'm re-thinking our settlement. Should I leave well enough alone, or fight? This your trump card just in case.. Have it ready and available, but only use if she brings on a war first. If she gets nasty, then think about using that information. Don't be the one who fires first.. Is yearbook is a dating site? 1
wow04 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I know the state I am in, there is no such thing as adultry. Are you sure it will hurt her? I wouldn't use it unless you have to. Also, try to remember what is best for the kids. I know that is hard in the middle of divorce, but is what should be done. 1
Woggle Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 If you bring this knowledge to her and use it as leverage would it be considered blackmailing?
Author Moose Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 This your trump card just in case.. Have it ready and available, but only use if she brings on a war first. If she gets nasty, then think about using that information. Don't be the one who fires first.. Is yearbook is a dating site?I like that idea. And yes, "Yearbook" is changing their name to, "Meet Me". My thing is that of the 800 a month, 390 is for maintenance. I just feel that I shouldn't have to pay that since she's the one abusing the marriage....make sense?
Almond_Joy Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 K, so...we agreed to file ourselves with one paralegal to fill the paper work out....done, notarized and ready to file. She's taken the parenting class already, I take mine Monday. She'll be getting $ 800.00 a month for child support and maintenance. She's found a house to move into, (after I paid $1,250.00 of course). Then she left her new, "budget" lying around and noticed that she's expecting $ 400.00 every two weeks. Math was never her strong suit, so when she finds out that she'll only be getting $ 369.23 every two weeks, (800X12/26) she is going to FLIP!!! Also, she's re-thinking about what we had agreed upon even though everything is ready to go to court. I just found out that by her having over 30 single men on FB and 94 men on "My Yearbook" that if I reveal this evidence, the court could decide that she's on her own and I'd get full custody of our children. I don't want to hurt her like that, or the children.....but now I'm re-thinking our settlement. Should I leave well enough alone, or fight? Do you think your ex is a bad mother? If not, why are you trying to get full custody? The only thing that should motivate custody is her capacity as a parent, not as a wife. 1
Author Moose Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 I know the state I am in, there is no such thing as adultry. Are you sure it will hurt her? I wouldn't use it unless you have to. Also, try to remember what is best for the kids. I know that is hard in the middle of divorce, but is what should be done.No such thing as adultry? Or do you mean the courts don't recgonize adultry? If so....that's highly unusual isn't it?
Author Moose Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 If you bring this knowledge to her and use it as leverage would it be considered blackmailing?Good point...well taken too. I'll just keep it in my "gunny" sack...
soserious1 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Good point...well taken too. I'll just keep it in my "gunny" sack... If you decide to make an issue of this be prepared for her to bring in every bit of documentation she can lay hands on concerning your alcoholism.
d'Arthez Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I'd avoid bringing mud in the public domain, since that can spectacularly backfire, and leave your reputation(s) in tatters.
Texsec Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Best thing to do is settle it peaceful....You seem to be doing it with the least amount of cost you can, no lawyers, no long drama....some states won't let you clam adultery without explicit proof....Chatting with men online may not be the bullet you think it is... Research your state..In the least, a long court fight will cost you both a lot of money and probably get the same result...just try to settle it on your own... Best of luck to you
Lishy Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 If you decide to make an issue of this be prepared for her to bring in every bit of documentation she can lay hands on concerning your alcoholism. You are an alcoholic?? Why would you want to put your kids through living with you as a drunk??
quankanne Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 don't assume that just because you hear someone called an alcoholic that he or she is a practicing one. Because you can have been off the juice and mended your habits for a good period and still be considered an alcoholic. I guess the real question here is: Is she working to help support herself? Or do you "owe her" even though she emotionally and psychologically left the marriage long before y'all got to this stage?
wow04 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 No such thing as adultry? Or do you mean the courts don't recgonize adultry? If so....that's highly unusual isn't it? They don't recgonize it. It can't be a reason for divorce and it can't be used against you in court. It isn't as unusual as you think.
sad puppy Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 No judge is going to care who her "friends" are on a social networking site. It means nothing. Judges do not get involved in ridiculous details. Best to move onward and make a simple break. But forget about online activity as some type of weapon or tool, they would laugh at you.
Art_Critic Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Let it lie Moose... She could very well go get another attorney and turn the tables on you. I don't think FB and Yearbook are extramarital activities that the court will find damning.. The other thing is that judges really don't care too much about that stuff and the stuff that happens after the divorce is filed unless it impacts the children and FB and Yearbook don't do that, and you are trying to file an uncontested divorce.. Now meeting and having sex with some of those guys.. yes.. that would be damning but chatting with them given that you are filing for divorce.. no 1
Author Moose Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 (edited) You are an alcoholic?? Why would you want to put your kids through living with you as a drunk??What Quankanna said...I quit several months ago and have remained dry, and AC convinced me that not only do I need to stay dry, I need to work on being sober for the rest of my days.... I guess the real question here is: Is she working to help support herself? Or do you "owe her" even though she emotionally and psychologically left the marriage long before y'all got to this stage? Yes, she's gotten her a job at Walmart. She only gets 32 hours a week, but thats only enough to support just herself. Edited May 18, 2012 by Moose 2
soserious1 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 What Quankanna said...I quit several months ago and have remained dry, and AC convinced me that not only do I need to stay dry, I need to work on being sober for the rest of my days.... I guess the real question here is: Is she working to help support herself? Or do you "owe her" even though she emotionally and psychologically left the marriage long before y'all got to this stage? Yes, she's gotten her a job at Walmart. She only gets 32 hours a week, but thats only enough to support just herself. Moose, my point to you is this, make a settlement offer you can live with & be done with it. Making an offer & then deciding to drag the Facebook stuff into it might backfire badly on you. Yes, you are sober now but if you choose to try to then lower the amount you're ordered to pay by soiling her name, she's then free to bring up all the years when you weren't sober. Make a reasonable settlement offer, get the papers signed & get on with building a new life for yourself. 1
CarboniteCammy Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Wow, moose, you're still on here??? I was on LS YEARS ago under a different name and I remember you from then. Same with ArtCritic and Quankanne. ;-) Yeah, I agree with everyone else. Just let it go. Just because she has single friends on FB doesn't mean that she's dating any of them or all of them. Judge probably won't care. I was a legal secretary for a long time (I realize that doesn't mean squat, but I did see an awful lot of custody battles in my day) and I can tell you that your alcoholism is a far bigger issue (or would be) then her extra marital activities. You *really* don't want to play that card. If y ou guys are being cool about things, then just keep going with that. BTW- sorry you and the wife are calling it quits. Hope all works out for you.
maybealone Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 They don't recgonize it. It can't be a reason for divorce and it can't be used against you in court. It isn't as unusual as you think. In my state, it still can be used as a reason for divorce but it in no way affects child support, spousal maintenance, or any other aspect of the settlement. Like the others, I would let it go. Turning things nasty probably won't make a bit of difference to your wife or her settlement but could make a heck of a difference to your kids and how they look back on this time in their lives.
trippi1432 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Sorry Moose, I agree with a lot of others here, the last thing a judge is going to care about is what is going on in a social media site. You need something concrete....when my first ex finally filed the divorce after abandoning me and his 3 year old daughter, his attorney called to discuss him filing for custody. This coming from a man who had not exercised his visitation in almost 3 years, but was getting remarried and thought that made him fit. Our daughter didn't even know who he was by this time...so I asked the attorney if he had told them about his B/E and grand theft charges from almost 7 years earlier....ask him if he knew what she even looked like anymore and if he even knew when her birthday was...couple that with a child that was put up for adoption with his AP because he abandoned her after he found out she was pregnant. Yep, leverage...hard, concrete & documented leverage. Being on social media and even talking to men cannot be proof of being unfit, but the above can certainly prove someone to be unfit. His attorney's opted for a simple divorce with joint custody which he didn't exercise until 5 years later. 1
Author Moose Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 In my state, it still can be used as a reason for divorce but it in no way affects child support, spousal maintenance, or any other aspect of the settlement. Like the others, I would let it go. Turning things nasty probably won't make a bit of difference to your wife or her settlement but could make a heck of a difference to your kids and how they look back on this time in their lives.Thanks guys! I will keep the course... I knew I could count on some good words from you all!
bentnotbroken Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 You are an alcoholic?? Why would you want to put your kids through living with you as a drunk?? Being an alcoholic doesn't make you a drunk. Recovery(and I don't know Moose's situation) means an alcoholic is choosing not to drink, hence not drunk. Moose, be very careful about the can of worms you open. Make sure that not only you can handle it, but your children also.
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