Does length of relationship and age matter in chances for reconciliation

[rbitrage]

She broke up on sunday after only a month together. Felt like she acted impulsively out of anger of the moment but who am I to say and yes I must accept her decision. We are both in our 30s and looking to settle down I would think in a few years with someone. Yes the relationship was only a month but it was intense and deeply passionate. Does a short relationship stand less a chance or more a chance? Yes we didn't build those deep bonds but nor did we build those deep problems or scars. We're not kids and have both been through relationships before. So what are the thoughts about how likely reconciliation is? I guess people will say short ones never leave an impact and hence the dumpers never look back on them.

[KatZee]

I'd say so, absolutely. Obviously if a couple is together for years as opposed to a couple who has been together, in your case, one month, there is much less chance for reconciliation in your case. You guys don't have that bond, or that foundation, or any experiences, or times together to really work with.

 

You say it was "deeply passionate." In what aspect? Physical? Relationships aren't based on passion and physical alone. I think the "trial period" for relationships is about 3 months. It seems that she tried dating you, and found that for whatever reasons, you're not what she's looking for in a long term partner.

 

Also, if women leave, they pretty much know without a shadow of a doubt that you're not it and they don't really go back. Sure sex may have been great, but there are so many other things women looking to settle want. I'd say if she left after a month, you're just not it. (Sorry.)

[rbitrage]

Fair enough. I posed the question, and I got the straight answer. By passionate or intense I am referring more to the fact we talked a lot about future plans, she introduced me to a visiting family member and talked a lot about what she would expect it would be like when I met her family. Also we talked about where and how we would raise our kids, investments we would make together, places we wanted to visit etc. way too much for one month perhaps, but that is what I was talking about. And yes the sex was great for both of us based on her feedback haha.

 

Anyways, I totally get what you are saying, and have come to realize that 99% of the responses to any questions on such forums is a negative outcome. Ie there's no way, don't wait, move on, etc etc. I realize why, because most happy stories tend to take people off these forums hence there is a survivorship bias in non-hope in these forums. I could give more details that might give people pause for thought on this story, but there's no point I guess because there's no way she's coming back right and everyone is sure of that. Of course if she does, I will be off the forum I guess so we will never know.

[KatZee]

Fair enough. I posed the question, and I got the straight answer. By passionate or intense I am referring more to the fact we talked a lot about future plans, she introduced me to a visiting family member and talked a lot about what she would expect it would be like when I met her family. Also we talked about where and how we would raise our kids, investments we would make together, places we wanted to visit etc. way too much for one month perhaps, but that is what I was talking about. And yes the sex was great for both of us based on her feedback haha.

 

Anyways, I totally get what you are saying, and have come to realize that 99% of the responses to any questions on such forums is a negative outcome. Ie there's no way, don't wait, move on, etc etc. I realize why, because most happy stories tend to take people off these forums hence there is a survivorship bias in non-hope in these forums. I could give more details that might give people pause for thought on this story, but there's no point I guess because there's no way she's coming back right and everyone is sure of that. Of course if she does, I will be off the forum I guess so we will never know.

 

0_o

 

No one in their RIGHT MIND (sorry again) talks about a "future" or "kids" and "meeting family" so early on. It's like she's trying to get over something by immediately jumping head first into this thing with you. You guys don't even know each other! One month? How can anyone possibly know whether they will have kids with someone or have a future with someone after one month? Hell, some people don't even know that after a full year together.

 

This was odd right from the beginning and should have been some red flags for you.

[rbitrage]

Haha. I admire your conviction Katzee. Didn't realize that everything flows in a very specific order and too much deviation from that path is unhealthy and hence will necessarily fail. Anyways, I guess this topic is done but appreciate your feedback as always.

[rbitrage]

Well she called me last night and we're headed back to some better place. Guess probabilities don't always play out as they should. Good luck to everyone. Ciao

[KatZee]

Well she called me last night and we're headed back to some better place. Guess probabilities don't always play out as they should. Good luck to everyone. Ciao

 

OK, that's great if that's what you want, but do you REALLY want to be with someone, who in only ONE MONTHS time has already gotten so violently mad that she's dumped you? This is 30 days in. Try using your head here. What happens when there's another conflict down the road, because there WILL BE. Are you really ready and willing to be dumped every time something doesn't go her way? It's unhealthy, and is shows a complete lack of maturity on her end, and a complete lack of communication.

 

You can stick your head in the sand for only so long, but one day those rose colored glasses WILL come off. This "relationship" truly hasn't started out on the best foot.

[Tree_Salmon]

0_o

 

No one in their RIGHT MIND (sorry again) talks about a "future" or "kids" and "meeting family" so early on. It's like she's trying to get over something by immediately jumping head first into this thing with you. You guys don't even know each other! One month? How can anyone possibly know whether they will have kids with someone or have a future with someone after one month? Hell, some people don't even know that after a full year together.

 

This was odd right from the beginning and should have been some red flags for you.

 

Yeah this smells of desperation or settling. I bet by the second month you'd be discussing divorce. It was probably just a lust driven connection or you both thought you found someone who will fulfill your dreams.

 

It's a mind game, get over it.

Don't waste another second on it. A month? you got off so easy

[MissBrunette84]

0_o

 

No one in their RIGHT MIND (sorry again) talks about a "future" or "kids" and "meeting family" so early on. It's like she's trying to get over something by immediately jumping head first into this thing with you. You guys don't even know each other! One month? How can anyone possibly know whether they will have kids with someone or have a future with someone after one month? Hell, some people don't even know that after a full year together.

 

This was odd right from the beginning and should have been some red flags for you.

 

I didnt even know what the future held after 3 and a half years lol

 

OP - Maybe if you do get back together, take things slower next time?

[NordicStripes]

0_o

 

No one in their RIGHT MIND (sorry again) talks about a "future" or "kids" and "meeting family" so early on. It's like she's trying to get over something by immediately jumping head first into this thing with you. You guys don't even know each other! One month? How can anyone possibly know whether they will have kids with someone or have a future with someone after one month? Hell, some people don't even know that after a full year together.

 

This was odd right from the beginning and should have been some red flags for you.

 

I don't agree. My ex and I started talking about these things on our second date. After three weeks we moved in with each other. We had a wonderful relationship, and having talked about these things so early on made our bond even stronger and definitely had nothing to do with us breaking up.

 

Some people just know...