do men care about if the woman has a career

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Maybe I am odd because I really don't care about having a career. I work because I need money. I don't get that much satisfaction from the toils of office/corporate work. Maybe if I was a successful artist, it would be different. Ideally, I would love to have a "career" as an artist. But even if I don't, the most important thing to me our my relationships. Friends, family and the likes of that.

[ohmygoshistalk]

Are you saying you don't want a career AND you don't want to take on a more traditional role (like cooking for your husband)? It sounds like he would have to be rich enough in to be able to hire maids, cooks, and chauffeurs. This will be hard to find, but it's possible. Quality men generally want more than a woman who is just pretty, but you might find a rich, older man who is OK with this.

 

i was referring to other girls who dont want to further either their career as a cashier, waitress or gas attendant, get further education or learn to cook/drive. there is nothing wrong with having that kind of a job, it is an honest job.

 

i notice a lot of girls, pretty ones working those kind of careers. i regularly talk to my guy friends and they whine to me about not hooking up etc and i ask why didnt u go for that girl shes hot and they would tell me its because she doesnt have a job she doesnt have a car shes a loser. (in verbatim)

 

i grew up with my dad working in another country on assignment, my mom took up an office job and had a business. so i grew up w/ a nany. i wish my mom stayed and be a mother. i have a mindset that i dont want to be like that, have guilt in my heart for leaving my kid in a day care or some nanny who might, God forbid, abuse or hurt them (on purpose or accidentally).

 

i have 2 career choices though, i dont want to list my academic stuff here because that is not the point.

 

frankly i think that men thinking women should be this or that in their careers is totally overrated and judgmental.

 

i jsut think its more romantic if a guy accepts a girl whos head over heels about him despite the job situation. where do guys get these crazy high standards...seriously.

 

in the end when u have kids you want them to grow up being closely monitored and properly fed, grow up into good human beings. that is a lot of work ...you cant pay anyone to do that.

 

also how can u expect to get "good service" at night if your wife is all tired and stuff. after work she has to cook and clean and service you...and look pretty..keep her body fit..

Edited May 17, 2012 by ohmygoshistalk

[LittlePrince]

Maybe I am odd because I really don't care about having a career. I work because I need money. I don't get that much satisfaction from the toils of office/corporate work.

I am the same way. I don't get the busy little worker bee types and those who enjoy the rat race. I work for money and only pursue advancement for enough money.

[Els]

i was referring to other girls who dont want to further either their career as a cashier, waitress or gas attendant, get further education or learn to cook/drive. there is nothing wrong with having that kind of a job, it is an honest job.

 

i notice a lot of girls, pretty ones working those kind of careers. i regularly talk to my guy friends and they whine to me about not hooking up etc and i ask why didnt u go for that girl shes hot and they would tell me its because she doesnt have a job she doesnt have a car shes a loser. (in verbatim)

 

i grew up with my dad working in another country on assignment, my mom took up an office job and had a business. so i grew up w/ a nany. i wish my mom stayed and be a mother. i have a mindset that i dont want to be like that, have guilt in my heart for leaving my kid in a day care or some nanny who might, God forbid, abuse or hurt them (on purpose or accidentally).

 

i have 2 career choices though, i dont want to list my academic stuff here because that is not the point.

 

frankly i think that men thinking women should be this or that in their careers is totally overrated and judgmental.

 

i jsut think its more romantic if a guy accepts a girl whos head over heels about him despite the job situation. where do guys get these crazy high standards...seriously.

 

in the end when u have kids you want them to grow up being closely monitored and properly fed, grow up into good human beings. that is a lot of work ...you cant pay anyone to do that.

 

also how can u expect to get "good service" at night if your wife is all tired and stuff. after work she has to cook and clean and service you...and look pretty..keep her body fit..

 

Well, there is generally a balance. The bolded is not a healthy dynamic - if both partners are working then both should be splitting chores. But your OP is in a whole different direction. If you're not going to work then you should damned well learn to cook. Most SAHMs and housewives cook and do the housework as well, barring exceptional circumstances such as children with disabilities.

 

Service also tends to go both ways in healthy Rs.

[Sanman]

frankly i think that men thinking women should be this or that in their careers is totally overrated and judgmental.

 

i jsut think its more romantic if a guy accepts a girl whos head over heels about him despite the job situation. where do guys get these crazy high standards...seriously.

 

in the end when u have kids you want them to grow up being closely monitored and properly fed, grow up into good human beings. that is a lot of work ...you cant pay anyone to do that.

 

also how can u expect to get "good service" at night if your wife is all tired and stuff. after work she has to cook and clean and service you...and look pretty..keep her body fit..

 

Well, that is quaint and everything. However, the bank doesn't accept "well, I love her despite her lack of career" when you go to apply for a mortgage or home loan to get into a home with a decent school district. Nor does the grocery store, the kids sports and hobbies, or the many other expenses included in raising a child.

 

At the end of the day, every couple must decide how to divide up family and work responsibilities. However, how do I enjoy that family time and that 'good service' when I am pulling late nights to pay the bills since my 'partner' has notions of Joan Cleaver in her head. My gf and I are both well-paid health care professionals and I am glad it is that way. Thus, if we have children be can both afford to cut down our hours at work and still pull six figures into the house. We both also have options to work jobs from home. I find having two people with flexible careers that are interested in family life and share responsibilities is my ideal. To each their own.

[Sanman]

In what job market? Do you know my education, skill set, previous career and employer?

 

 

I'm very curious what career affords you the ability to find a job within weeks in any type of job market. Care to share?

[Eclypse]

[

 

I am currently at the start of a research career and it is amazing. It is so much different to a "job" where you show up, struggle through your day and leave with a sense of dread that you have to return tomorrow. Here I am free to shape my days as I want. We decide what experiments to do and when. I just don't think I'd be able to communicate on the same level as someone whose main goal was just to exist and not care about thriving.

 

 

My friend has had a few gfs who didn't do well in high school and now just bum around working at the supermarket or secretary jobs. The difference in conversation between them and say, the post docs I work with is astounding. I wouldn't have a lot in common with someone who didn't care about furthering their knowledge or experiencing new things. I hope this doesn't sound harsh. Just my 0.02.

[WonderKid]

If she had one it would be cool. As long as she isn't one of those girls that want to sit up and have a guy take care of her. That's a hell no with me. You don't need to be a rocket scientist with me. As long as you work and have some drive, not lazy. Then you're cool with me.

[monkey00]

There are women these days who 'can' work but 'choose' not to work and want to be a stay at home mom. The fault I find in this is that the woman wants the flexibility to choose her lifestyle, but when it comes to bringing home the bacon she expects the male to do all the legwork. I think the healthy mindset is for a woman to return to the workforce after giving birth. But surprisingly there are many out there who choose the stay at home life style.

 

Raising kids, cooking dinner, and taking care of household chores can be a lot of work but I think at the end of the day it's less stressful than going in for the 9-5 so your family can have a roof over their heads.

 

I think when I was younger in my early 20's, I expected women to have a career and be financially independent. Now in my later years, surprisingly I've mellowed out and would okay if the woman didn't have a career. But at least she should have some kind of job or is making an attempt to advance in a career, and she should help around the house too as much as I do. I can't accept someone who's a complete leech and is a gold-digger off the bat...that's just equivalent to a male loser.

 

On a side note though with today's economy, it's smarter to have a household of 2 working adults in case if one person loses their job. There is another person to lean on for financial support.

[bean1]

I'm very curious what career affords you the ability to find a job within weeks in any type of job market. Care to share?

 

I work in emergency services dispatching- I have the highest skill required for the multiple positions available (multi-jurisdiction radio operation) and experience training people for similar systems. Training is on the job and takes years, so once you're in, you're in. Turnover is high because most can't handle the stress. Every police agency is always hiring for the position.

 

I do find most people here (fair enough, this is the dating section), don't actually know what it's like to run a household with children. Since having children, a lot of the things listed (high income, nice house, two cars) are just not things that are worth more to us, I would rather walk and take the bus, wear used clothes, and go to a restaurant once every 2 months, if it means I can stay home with my children. So I do.

 

I was young, 20, in college, and childless once. I hated babies, blew $100 a night at restaurants with friends, bought expensive clothes, and thought the career world was everything. Been there. I would have never been a SAHM (perhaps a rebellion from being taught that staying home was the 'right' thing to do for a woman).

 

There's choices to be made, priorities to be made. Not all single income families are screwed, some people manage their money better, some people have good savings, some people go into it with a 'plan' if things happen and have an education/career to fall back on if needed - but a lot of women with kids really won't value 'career advancement' over being home with children. A lot of you are viewing this from the perspective as a young childless single guy, and not from the perspective of a mother. Impossible, obviously, but that doesn't mean us SAHMs are idiots who are financially screwed either.

 

Many SAHMs are former career women who just changed their priorities.

 

I don't know many young women that just sit around and wait for a man because they don't want a job. Sure,some just want to be moms. You will often find them in college childcare/early education programs. But most young women, if not all, do have some sort of job, even if it's not 'good enough' for some of you. Then don't date them.

Edited May 18, 2012 by bean1

[Negative Nancy]

Maybe I am odd because I really don't care about having a career. I work because I need money. I don't get that much satisfaction from the toils of office/corporate work.

 

Same here.

[DjinnAgain]

I'm very curious what career affords you the ability to find a job within weeks in any type of job market. Care to share?

 

Are you serious?

 

I went to work with no degree and haven't had worked in 4.5 years and found a job in a week. Only $20 an hour doing basically what I did as a stay at home mom -actually less- "household manager" but I did, and at least I get to bring my child with me.

 

My ex is in a higher income bracket but last year he decided he was bored with his job, called a few people, and had another 180K job offer pretty much immediately. (I don't want to give too many details, but he is in the tech field.)

 

I do not doubt that there's a lot of problems and people have trouble finding work... especially in my bracket... but there are plenty of fields that have plenty of job opportunities still available, especially in the major markets. It's a little scary out there, but by no means a desert.

[bean1]

There are some careers/trades/skills that can allow a person to get a job very quickly. If you choose something that is not doing well economically, where there are huge numbers of competing applicants, broad liberal arts or just a basic business degree... well, that's your decision. Fields such as specialized nursing, child care, specific technical skills (ie. being able to train/operate certain city-wide radio systems like I do), blah blah, not doing so bad.

 

But hey, what would I know, I'm just a stay at home mom, numbing my mind and falling out of the rat race

[DjinnAgain]

There are some careers/trades/skills that can allow a person to get a job very quickly. If you choose something that is not doing well economically, where there are huge numbers of competing applicants, broad liberal arts or just a basic business degree... well, that's your decision. Fields such as specialized nursing, child care, specific technical skills (ie. being able to train/operate certain city-wide radio systems like I do), blah blah, not doing so bad.

 

But hey, what would I know, I'm just a stay at home mom, numbing my mind and falling out of the rat race

 

Were you talking? Because I'm a little bored right now. Don't you have an inane office story so you have something of value to add?????

[maybealone]

Many SAHMs are former career women who just changed their priorities.

 

Exactly. I did not have children, but I cannot imagine what it must be like to pick the kids up at daycare or after-school care at 5:30 p.m., throw together some crap food or pick up pizza because I'm too tired to cook, eat, and then put the kids to bed after seeing them for a grand total of about two hours, only to do it all again the next day.

 

It works for a lot of people and that's just great, but I couldn't imagine doing it until the kids are older.

 

But regardless about whether or not a couple's priorities change after children, I don't think there is anything wrong with being attracted to career women. In many cases, it's probably more about ambition than the actual work they do. Personally, I am attracted to ambitious men -- I don't care what they do, as long as they work and have some goals.

[Oxy Moronovich]

There are women these days who 'can' work but 'choose' not to work and want to be a stay at home mom. The fault I find in this is that the woman wants the flexibility to choose her lifestyle, but when it comes to bringing home the bacon she expects the male to do all the legwork. I think the healthy mindset is for a woman to return to the workforce after giving birth. But surprisingly there are many out there who choose the stay at home life style.

 

Raising kids, cooking dinner, and taking care of household chores can be a lot of work but I think at the end of the day it's less stressful than going in for the 9-5 so your family can have a roof over their heads.

 

I think when I was younger in my early 20's, I expected women to have a career and be financially independent. Now in my later years, surprisingly I've mellowed out and would okay if the woman didn't have a career. But at least she should have some kind of job or is making an attempt to advance in a career, and she should help around the house too as much as I do. I can't accept someone who's a complete leech and is a gold-digger off the bat...that's just equivalent to a male loser.

 

On a side note though with today's economy, it's smarter to have a household of 2 working adults in case if one person loses their job. There is another person to lean on for financial support.

I agree with much of this. You're really taking a big risk to have only source of financial income, even if the economy was good.

 

It's funny how DY and Negative Nancy say they both wanna be a stay-at-home moms. Both of them whine about men a CRAPLOAD yet both want men to support them. Just goes to show you the women who criticize men the most are the ones in need of them the most. Women can say they wanna be stay-at-home moms because they find the corporate world too stressful, but do they not realize men feel the same way? Few people in life get the career they like. Men deal with more stress because we work longer hours and a heavier workload. Yet we can't fall back on our gender and have someone else pay our way through.

[maybealone]

Raising kids, cooking dinner, and taking care of household chores can be a lot of work but I think at the end of the day it's less stressful than going in for the 9-5 so your family can have a roof over their heads.

 

That depends on a lot of things, such as the job the working spouse has, the ages of the children, and how many children there are. Staying at home -- with no sick time, no vacation days, and often no lunch break -- is not always a picnic.

 

And I have known more than a few (working) women in my life who had to hire babysitters just to be able to go out, even though their husbands were available. Why? Because two hours alone with the kids was just way too stressful for them.

[Oxy Moronovich]

That depends on a lot of things, such as the job the working spouse has, the ages of the children, and how many children there are. Staying at home -- with no sick time, no vacation days, and often no lunch break -- is not always a picnic.

 

And I have known more than a few (working) women in my life who had to hire babysitters just to be able to go out, even though their husbands were available. Why? Because two hours alone with the kids was just way too stressful for them.

You completely overlook the fact that men work significantly longer hours and have a much heavier workload than women. This includes when men and women are working in the same position.

[mesmerized]

You completely overlook the fact that men work significantly longer hours and have a much heavier workload than women. This includes when men and women are working in the same position.

 

hmmm, sources? I certainly work just as much as the men in the same position. I find that who works longer hours it totally dependent on the individual than their gender.

[maybealone]

You completely overlook the fact that men work significantly longer hours and have a much heavier workload than women. This includes when men and women are working in the same position.

 

I'm not overlooking it, I just know that this isn't true for all jobs or all men. I work in a male-dominated industry and I know from vast years of experience that not all men work more than 40 hours a week and not all jobs are stressful.

 

And actually, it's just the opposite in many cases. Women often feel like they have more to prove, and therefore take on more work and work longer hours just to show they can do more than men, and to show that they do not allow the fact that they are mothers to interfere with their work.

[xxoo]

Maybe I am odd because I really don't care about having a career. I work because I need money. I don't get that much satisfaction from the toils of office/corporate work.

 

A lot of men feel the same way, and that is where some of the outrage comes from. Why is work more "optional" for women in society?

 

My H has a job that is fairly rewarding, but he'd quit it in a NY minute to pursue his personal interests fulltime if he won the lottery. He wouldn't miss it.

[maybealone]

A lot of men feel the same way, and that is where some of the outrage comes from. Why is work more "optional" for women in society?

 

Working outside the home was once not an acceptable "option" for women -- they had to work hard to get accepted in the workforce. Likewise, men could work hard to change the societal norms so that stay-at-home dads were more acceptable. If a family can afford to live on one income, it should not matter which parent earns that income.

 

So basically, I guess that over the course of time more women have wanted to be able to work outside of the home and far fewer men have wanted to stay at home.

[spookie]

In my experience, most men don't care if you're worthless, as long as you're attractive and good company. Personally though, I think babies are boring, and I can't imagine being a stay at home mom after the kids start school.

[xxoo]

Working outside the home was once not an acceptable "option" for women -- they had to work hard to get accepted in the workforce. Likewise, men could work hard to change the societal norms so that stay-at-home dads were more acceptable. If a family can afford to live on one income, it should not matter which parent earns that income.

 

So basically, I guess that over the course of time more women have wanted to be able to work outside of the home and far fewer men have wanted to stay at home.

 

I know a handful of SAHDs, in upper-middle class communities. In progressive areas, it is very accepted.

 

I know a lot of SAHMs, too.

 

What I don't know is anyone who intends to stay home forever, or who considers work more optional for them than their partner. Providing for the family is ultimately the responsibility of both parents, even if the couple decides to have one parent stay home for a while. That's the climate on the playgrounds these days. Everyone has a field they are planning to get back into, and when job losses occur, often the SAHP gets a job while the other is on unemployment and looking for a new job.

[maybealone]

What I don't know is anyone who intends to stay home forever, or who considers work more optional for them than their partner.

 

I don't know anyone like that either. I think it's a lot rarer than some people would like to believe.

 

It may have been more common a generation or two ago. By the time my siblings and I were older, my dad had eight weeks of vacation time a year and was home by 3 every afternoon. He did not want my mom working a job that started her with two weeks off or kept her working at night.

 

But today, I don't know any mom that hasn't gone back to work, usually by first grade but at the latest by the time the kids are old enough to stay home after school alone (which is about 10 years old around here).