iris219 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 well i was just thinking..if hes making a lot..and he really likes her..shes hot and pretty..she just does not want to further her career (as a waitress or a gas pump attendant) or education nor wants to learn stuff like driving or cooking..is that bad? are looks not enough to compensate for those other things? Are you saying you don't want a career AND you don't want to take on a more traditional role (like cooking for your husband)? It sounds like he would have to be rich enough in to be able to hire maids, cooks, and chauffeurs. This will be hard to find, but it's possible. Quality men generally want more than a woman who is just pretty, but you might find a rich, older man who is OK with this.
Pierre Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Women should have an education. Whether they work or not has a lot to do with how much money the male partner makes. My fiance is pregnant and I would want her to stay home and take care of the baby. The last thing i need is warehouse my kid at age 6 weeks. So it all depends on the level of income of the male. Sadly some families need two incomes to just survive. . 2
Radu Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 False post is false. I say I want a women who wants a career, because independent career women are most attractive to me. Right now Im crushing on a friend of mine, but prolly wont do anything about it since shes the good girl type who wants to be a stay at home mine. And this is despite the fact that she went to college and got a degree. When I found that out I was pretty turned off, and while we get along pretty well, we have no long term potential because Im not looking for a lady to take care of. Im looking for a partner. And I dont expect a woman to carry all the housework and child rearing either. Its 2012, and everything can be split down half...shes not my mother or maid. Shed be my woman and Id treat her right as my gal. My best friends folks both work, and always had an even split of household duties. I want to be like them. College doesn't mean much anymore, it used to meant something. Now it's extended highschool. You are quite the idealist. How old are you ?
kaylan Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 (edited) Also, Even if I do make it to be financially well off one day, I would still want a girl who works for a living. I cant get over the notion that it feels kinda moochy and boring for her to want to spend her life mostly at home. Most men go after women like their moms, and most women work nowadays. My moms worked ever since I was born. And my best friends parents dont work long hours. They work regular hours, make a good wage, and have the financial security of 2 incomes. Their incomes allowed them to raise 3 fine kinds and take care of abuela and abuelo. (my best friend grandparents.)College doesn't mean much anymore, it used to meant something. Now it's extended highschool. You are quite the idealist. How old are you ? When all relevant statistics stop saying college degree holders will earn many times more on average than non degree holders, than Ill buy what you are selling. Its not idealist to want someone similar to who I am as a partner. Im 25. Edited May 17, 2012 by kaylan 1
Oxy Moronovich Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I don't want someone whose life-goal is to get married so that she can sponge off her husband. So, I'd like her to have a career. Fairly simple, really. Are all guys like this? Of course not. Agreed. In industrialized nations, the wife should have a job. So many men scared of golddiggers...... don't you have to have gold though? I had male friends back in my 20's who used to make $15/hour and would rant about golddiggers. It sounds like you'd be shocked to learn the simple fact that there are many, many women who think $15 hour is a lot of money. Recently, a friend of mine took a chick to Red Lobster. She was impressed. She said something like, "Oh, you can afford to have a fancy dinner at Red Lobster and not worry about the price. You must make good money." Women like to say they only gold-dig rich guys but that's BS.
Radu Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 And my best friends parents dont work long hours. They work regular hours, make a good wage, and have the financial security of 2 incomes. Their incomes allowed them to raise 3 fine kinds and take care of abuela and abuelo. (my best friend grandparents.) When all relevant statistics stop saying college degree holders will earn many times more on average than non degree holders, than Ill buy what you are selling. Its not idealist to want someone similar to who I am as a partner. Im 25. I was comparing present day college with what college was 50-60 yrs ago. Back then, it was something above present day college. You went to college, you were someone and it wasn't as easy to get out of some of the colleges as it is today. When my dad went to college he studied for 5yrs just to get his degree in engineering with a side specialty in mechanics, and he did 40+ hs a week of school, tutored math for money and did some trading on the side with rare stuff at the times to get by. The equivalent today is college with masters degree. It's not about ... the information being given during college, but more about the social importance you had with a degree and the increased difficulty to get in. Some college degrees are ****ing useless, and some of the studies do show that ... better yet, look around how much tuition is in the west and look at how much you can make with those jobs ... screw the 'impartial' studies. What you want in a partner is similar to what i want in a partner. The part of you i consider to be idealist is the fact that you want a 50:50 split. Ask any married couple, it will never be like that. One will go down, one will go up, one may earn more than the other, one may be seriously tired after a grueling week. It is a quest for balance and trying to reach that position, but that position in itself is unreachable. Another quest is for an understanding partner who won't lord the extra power they may have [temporarily] over you because you lost your job/whatever. I have seen this a few times, a partner will 'renegociate' the contract between them if the other loses his/hers job. By renegociate i mean that he/she will become more demanding, more agressive, more demeaning, more insulting and will lord it over you in a very passive-agressive way. 2
maybealone Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I see nothing wrong with either scenario. I can understand wanting a stay-at-home spouse -- I could focus on my job and spend evenings hanging out with my family because the household work is done. Evenings and weekends for me growing up were very relaxed and full of fun family activities because most of the household duties were done by my mom when my dad was at work and we were in school. But I can also see wanting a career-minded spouse. It brings more income and possibly more benefits, gives couples more to talk about, and evenings and weekends can be spent bonding over doing some chores together. The only thing I don't like is those men who still believe that the woman should have a career (or at least some kind of full-time job) but still do the majority of the housework and child care. I hope that is becoming less common these days. 4
Radu Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Agreed. In industrialized nations, the wife should have a job. It sounds like you'd be shocked to learn the simple fact that there are many, many women who think $15 hour is a lot of money. Recently, a friend of mine took a chick to Red Lobster. She was impressed. She said something like, "Oh, you can afford to have a fancy dinner at Red Lobster and not worry about the price. You must make good money." Women like to say they only gold-dig rich guys but that's BS. It also depends on where you live and how much you spend on playthings/toys. Over here, a day laborer makes 15$ a day.
Oxy Moronovich Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 It also depends on where you live and how much you spend on playthings/toys. Over here, a day laborer makes 15$ a day. A day laborer makes $15 a day in the U.S. too.
Oxy Moronovich Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I was comparing present day college with what college was 50-60 yrs ago. Back then, it was something above present day college. You went to college, you were someone and it wasn't as easy to get out of some of the colleges as it is today. When my dad went to college he studied for 5yrs just to get his degree in engineering with a side specialty in mechanics, and he did 40+ hs a week of school, tutored math for money and did some trading on the side with rare stuff at the times to get by. The equivalent today is college with masters degree. It's not about ... the information being given during college, but more about the social importance you had with a degree and the increased difficulty to get in. Some college degrees are ****ing useless, and some of the studies do show that ... better yet, look around how much tuition is in the west and look at how much you can make with those jobs ... screw the 'impartial' studies. What you want in a partner is similar to what i want in a partner. The part of you i consider to be idealist is the fact that you want a 50:50 split. Ask any married couple, it will never be like that. One will go down, one will go up, one may earn more than the other, one may be seriously tired after a grueling week. It is a quest for balance and trying to reach that position, but that position in itself is unreachable. Another quest is for an understanding partner who won't lord the extra power they may have [temporarily] over you because you lost your job/whatever. I have seen this a few times, a partner will 'renegociate' the contract between them if the other loses his/hers job. By renegociate i mean that he/she will become more demanding, more agressive, more demeaning, more insulting and will lord it over you in a very passive-agressive way. Dude, you aren't even a resident of the US. You said you're in Romania. I think kaylan knows more about the college situation in the US than a non-resident.
El Brujo Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 It can be lose-lose either way. Personally, I wouldn't want to be stuck with a woman who just wants to be a homemaker with no ambition. OTOH I wouldn't want to be stuck with a woman who's trying to become the next Oprah Winfrey and would just treat me like her pet gigolo.
Pierre Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 It can be lose-lose either way. Personally, I wouldn't want to be stuck with a woman who just wants to be a homemaker with no ambition. OTOH I wouldn't want to be stuck with a woman who's trying to become the next Oprah Winfrey and would just treat me like her pet gigolo. Ideally a woman should have a career. However, she should be able to take a break from work to take care of her kids when they are quite young and then return to the labor force later. There should not be a penalty for this and any man that thinks this is demeaning to a woman is a selfish and only looking for money.
somedude81 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Ideally, I'd live somewhere and have a career that can take care of all the finances. I'd just want the wife to have something that makes her happy and keeps her busy. It should be low stress and doesn't take energy away from the home.
DjinnAgain Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 If you want to be a stay at home mother, you are not interested in the men who consider it highly important that both parties work. There are some men who prefer their partner work, some who prefer their partner stay home, and some who are persuaded one way or another by the package the woman offers. I was, and hope to be a stay at home mother, or be in a situation otherwise where my children are not being raised by daycare. I was a little worried after hearing responses here, but they are bunk once you actually are out there. I can say, now that I am starting to tiptoe into the dating world, very hesitantly, I am not running into a problem. There is more attention from more men who are either okay with this or in favor of this than I can attend. I am also already a single mom which I would expect lowers interest among some of this type with traditional viewpoints. I would not worry excessively. I think it makes a difference if you are not materialistic. If you are a stay at home mom, don't expect to have the same things as people with two working. Even if you can afford it, better to put that money away. If you're staying at home, I assume you are of my persuasion that there are things in this world a lot more valuable than money. Act like it. There are two sort of men who want a stay at home spouse from what I have ran across : those who want it as a status symbol and you are best to steer clear of because who wants to be nothing more than a shiny toy, and those who know that there are things more valuable than a few coins - and these men will run at the sight of materialism.
bean1 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 If you want to be a stay at home mother, you are not interested in the men who consider it highly important that both parties work. There are some men who prefer their partner work, some who prefer their partner stay home, and some who are persuaded one way or another by the package the woman offers. I was, and hope to be a stay at home mother, or be in a situation otherwise where my children are not being raised by daycare. I was a little worried after hearing responses here, but they are bunk once you actually are out there. I can say, now that I am starting to tiptoe into the dating world, very hesitantly, I am not running into a problem. There is more attention from more men who are either okay with this or in favor of this than I can attend. I am also already a single mom which I would expect lowers interest among some of this type with traditional viewpoints. I would not worry excessively. I think it makes a difference if you are not materialistic. If you are a stay at home mom, don't expect to have the same things as people with two working. Even if you can afford it, better to put that money away. If you're staying at home, I assume you are of my persuasion that there are things in this world a lot more valuable than money. Act like it. There are two sort of men who want a stay at home spouse from what I have ran across : those who want it as a status symbol and you are best to steer clear of because who wants to be nothing more than a shiny toy, and those who know that there are things more valuable than a few coins - and these men will run at the sight of materialism. I totally agree. On a single income, I am more than happy to buy whole meats and butcher it myself, shop at thrift stores rather than new,forgo movie theatres for Netflix, etc. Nice lifestyle still, we have food,clothing,and entertainment. Not as much or as nice as when I was a career woman (yes, I was once upon a time!) but the trade-off is well worth it. I don't care if other women work 80 hours a week and have a live-in nanny, or 40 hours and use daycare...not for me,no thanks. That's their life and them & their husband's choice. Giving up my career ($80k/yr) was worth every penny but then I am very happy to live a more minimal life (which I still perceive as quite nice compared to those living in shantytowns)
LittlePrince Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I totally agree. On a single income, I am more than happy to buy whole meats and butcher it myself, shop at thrift stores rather than new,forgo movie theatres for Netflix, etc. Nice lifestyle still, we have food,clothing,and entertainment. Not as much or as nice as when I was a career woman (yes, I was once upon a time!) but the trade-off is well worth it. I don't care if other women work 80 hours a week and have a live-in nanny, or 40 hours and use daycare...not for me,no thanks. That's their life and them & their husband's choice. Giving up my career ($80k/yr) was worth every penny but then I am very happy to live a more minimal life (which I still perceive as quite nice compared to those living in shantytowns) But when his income vanishes you won't have an alternative income to hold you over.
DjinnAgain Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 But when his income vanishes you won't have an alternative income to hold you over. If you make choices based on two incomes, the loss of an income can be catastrophic. The one person has to replace that missing income - the other person is already working. If you are living off of one, if something bad happens, you can can both look for a job. (Not to mention, regardless, you should have at least 6 months expenses saved at a minimum.) 1
LittlePrince Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 (Not to mention, regardless, you should have at least 6 months expenses saved at a minimum.) At this point that's not enough.
Radu Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Dude, you aren't even a resident of the US. You said you're in Romania. I think kaylan knows more about the college situation in the US than a non-resident. You know, there's this awesome new thing, it's called the Internet. You can actually look up the tuition for colleges, and you can even apply to them online [iVY League ones made my eyes bleed]. What's even better is the fact that if you get in, you can actually go there to study. I know ... mindblowing. You can even look up scolarships, average wages and even calculate a sort of ROI on your college investment. Also, 60yrs ago, we had college in Romania. In fact, back then, the language to know for engineering was German and not English.
bean1 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 But when his income vanishes you won't have an alternative income to hold you over. So then I go get a job if I have to. But right now, I don't have to.
LittlePrince Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 In the past, a good degree in something that mattered had more buying power based on the career you could get with it on top of the degree costing much less to attain.
Woggle Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I want a woman who has her own money because if we do happen to get a divorce at least I don't owe her anything. Also no offense to anybody because I know I am generalizing but the times I talk to many stay at home types it tends to put me to sleep better than six benedryls. Being out there and experiencing life does tend to make a person more interesting. The only downside is that some career women tend to have domination fetishes and constantly want a man to out alpha them. It's hard to find a good balance. 1
LittlePrince Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 So then I go get a job if I have to. But right now, I don't have to. Love the optimism kid but it isn't that easy especially if you have been out of the work force and it gets worse the longer you stay out.
LittlePrince Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I want a woman who has her own money because if we do happen to get a divorce at least I don't owe her anything.You could still end up paying alimony. Also no offense to anybody because I know I am generalizing but the times I talk to many stay at home types it tends to put me to sleep better than six benedryls. Being out there and experiencing life does tend to make a person more interesting. The only downside is that some career women tend to have domination fetishes and constantly want a man to out alpha them. It's hard to find a good balance. Career women out there "experiencing life" and becoming "more interesting" are more likely to cheat.
Woggle Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 You could still end up paying alimony. Career women out there "experiencing life" and becoming "more interesting" are more likely to cheat. Stay at home moms cheat just as much as career women do. The women I know who seem to hate their husbands guts and resent and blame them for the lack of excitement in their life tend to be stay at home types. The women I know who gush about what great men they have and seem to be 100% sincere about it tend to be women with their own lives and careers.
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