Author ghgh750 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Also what do you mean about the community property states? If my prenuptial agreement has a clause that states that credit cards in HER name only will be HER OBLIGATION, why would that be my problem in the event of divorce? If that is the case, it is THE DUMBEST IDEA EVER. I would then need to make sure my wife does not go crazy being a shopaholic.
Character Floss Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Lou Costello: "If I get married someday, I'm gonna marry a homely girl." Bud Abbott: "Well why wouldn't you marry a pretty girl?" Lou Costello: "If I marry a pretty girl, she might run away." Bud Abbott: "But might not a homely girl run away too?" Lou Costello: "Sure, but who cares?" Sorry (not really), just stuck with me after the "average looking" comment!
Eddie Edirol Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Gh, as long as you dont do any research on dating dynamics, and learn how women tick, none of your plan will work, because you wont understand why women do the things they do, how their emotions work. None of your plan factors in things like how attraction works, how you turn women off, and such. Your plan will lead you straight to paranoia even when you fine a woman who magically passes all of your standards. If you even get that woman and dont scare her off. You dont need to worry about that whole list of standards you have, just do some research on how women tick, and you wont have to worry about being blindsided. Start by reading this thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/self-improvement-personal-well-being/326601-i-became-alpha-male-found-love-my-life
jade4071 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Hello Jade, As far as the concern for how she can know I am not knocking up some other woman, I can get a polygraph test in exchange for the paternity test. I think that is a fair trade off. Maybe lie detector tests are not 100% but I think a man fathering a child with another woman is LESS WORSE than a woman LYING ABOUT PATERNITY and trapping the husband to unknowingly raise a kid that is not his. The main issue is that at least the wife does not have to directly deal with the illegitimate child while the betrayed husband would have to on a daily basis. BOTH ARE HORRIBLE THOUGH. If you disagree, feel free to argue why. You are right, I would much rather have cohabitation and give her a ring to symbolize our commitment than be married under the law. Cohabitation is a lot more financially stable for the higher earner and I can also get a cohabitation agreement. I just know that if I loved my wife, I can grant her certain requests to assuage her worries. Otherwise, I will try to persuade her that her worries are baseless. If my wife can look me in the eyes and convincingly tell me the baby is mine, MAYBE I won't go for the paternity testing. At least, I would wait to do it behind her back. I don't agree with you about a man unknowingly raising a kid who isn't his and a man fathering children outside of his marriage. They are both based on lies and involve money, two of your major concerns. If you raise and/or pay child support on a child who isn't biologically yours, you have paid out money you shouldn't have. If a man fathers a child outside of his marriage and provides for that child (which, bottom line, would be the right thing to do), the act of committing adultery and having a child with another woman is still cheating and the result of such, the child, will take resources away from the original family unit. Given that explanation, how is this "less worse" than raising/paying for a child who isn't really yours? How can you predict a wife would not have to deal with a child her husband had with another woman? He would have to support the child, one way of being forced to deal with something. If something happened to the mother the wife could end up helping to the raise the child. No, if your wife isn't allowed to persuade you into believing and trusting her then you can't expect anything better or different than that in her treatment of you. If you snoop then she is able to snoop, etc etc. No lie detector tests because they aren't always reliable. Sociopaths can pass lie detector tests because they are basically devoid of emotion and concern, not likely to experience even a minimal amount of guilt. I'm not saying you are a sociopath but pointing out this method is not completely reliable. You also cannot do anything behind your wife's back. What you are doing is isolating adultery from other acts involving deceit. It's not ok for her to sleep with someone else, one act of deceit, but it is ok to go behind her back and have paternity testing done? I don't think so. If you insist on paternity testing you need to be totally upfront with your intentions ahead of your wife getting pregnant in the first place. On the same note, pay attention to any red flags when you're dating someone who you think you could become serious about. They are not likely to come out and tell you they will likely cheat on you in the future but people "tell" you who they are by their behavior, hence the red flags. Pay attention to them and act accordingly. Perhaps living together would be a better arrangement but I'm sure there are financial loopholes and pitfalls in that situation too, just not familiar with them. Think common law marriage. Thing is, there is nothing in life that will protect you from pain a relationship may cause. By entering a serious relationship you run the risk of getting hurt deeply one way or another at some point. It's life and the chance people take to also experience happiness and great joy. Yet there's no "insurance policy" protecting any of us from what another person might do to us in a relationship, and vice versa.
jade4071 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Gh, as long as you dont do any research on dating dynamics, and learn how women tick, none of your plan will work, because you wont understand why women do the things they do, how their emotions work. None of your plan factors in things like how attraction works, how you turn women off, and such. Your plan will lead you straight to paranoia even when you fine a woman who magically passes all of your standards. If you even get that woman and dont scare her off. You dont need to worry about that whole list of standards you have, just do some research on how women tick, and you wont have to worry about being blindsided. Start by reading this thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/self-improvement-personal-well-being/326601-i-became-alpha-male-found-love-my-life Good advice but as long as he remains paranoid he has not a chance at being an alpha male. He's in deep with paranoia.
jade4071 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Also what do you mean about the community property states? If my prenuptial agreement has a clause that states that credit cards in HER name only will be HER OBLIGATION, why would that be my problem in the event of divorce? If that is the case, it is THE DUMBEST IDEA EVER. I would then need to make sure my wife does not go crazy being a shopaholic. Just look it up on the internet. I live in a community property state and there is more than one. Debts created within the marriage are the responsibility of both spouses, not just the person who racked up the debt. Let's say my husband gets a credit card behind my back and maxes it out. Later on we get divorced and he doesn't pay his bills, or doesn't pay his bills during the divorce process. Do you think the bank issuing him the credit card cares I didn't know the debt existed or what my divorce papers say. H*ll no. The law is the law.....if the debt was created during the marriage it is the responsibility of both to pay it. Provide the same credit card scenario and instead of divorce, death occurs. It does not matter he created this debt (unknown to me) and is now dead, I would still be responsible for paying it off or otherwise settling. You can't make sure your wife does or doesn't do anything, up to and including being a shopaholic. You are deluding yourself if you think you can. You can have no control over anyone's behavior but your own. Stay away from any type of committed relationship until you can accept certain facts of life applicable to us all.
Author ghgh750 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Jade, I don't agree with the idea that a father falsely raising a child he believed is no worse than a husband fathering a child outside of marriage. Sure, the money aspect might be the same since resources are spent elsewhere on both cases. However, I think the emotional bond between a child and father would be greatly hurt if the father turned out not to be the biological father. All the time spent would be based on a lie. And with all the emotional investment on the child, it would be harder for the father to walk away from the child that is not his. Plus, he could still be on the hook for child support if him and the cheating wife divorce. The wife of a husband who fathered a child with his mistress, however, may only interact with the child in a limited setting. Even if the child lives with them, she will NEVER EVER falsely be lead to believe it is her child. There is less emotional attachment. The husband never has this luxury and feels doubly betrayed when he finds out the child is not his. The wife of a husband who fathered an illegitimate child is also not on the hook for child support if she decides to leave her husband in a divorce. Again, another advantage for women. I just hope that my wife is not so "romantic" that she bases everything on blind trust. Honestly, this is why corporations do much better than hippies and other people that live with rose colored tinted glasses. People are by nature selfish creatures that are prone to temptation. Most of the time, they may be able to be good but one mess up is enough to possibly ruin someone else's life. So why, for the love of God, would you not give your husband the peace of mind of knowing that the child is his? I think you are being selfish for not wanting to give him this request if he asks nicely. It would be one thing if he calls you a whore or something but I would tell my wife from the beginning of our marriage about this issue. She can then leave if she feels it is weird. I agree that if a man took years to raise a child and it ultimately turned out not to be his, he should still love the child the same. I know if my father turned out not to be my biological father, I would in fact love him even more because he took care of me for so long even when he had no biological obligation. I know he would love me the same but deep down inside, there has to be some part of him that would hate the fact that genetically, I am not related to him. Thinking of this breaks my heart and I feel sorry for men in this situation. Also paternity tests and lie detector tests can both be faked. I remember reading this article where a billionaire's tennis star wife faked the child's DNA test by using the DNA from the billionaire's older daughter's saliva. It is women like this that sicken me. She continued to liefor 11 years and then in divorce, decided to take his child away from him. Why would a loving wife want to even make this horrible contingency a possibility? Paternity tests are cheap and easy but can quell all doubts. I realize the spying with cameras and PIs are absurd. I agree but paternity testing is a serious matter. Perhaps women cannot empathize since they will never be in this position. Life is about risk...not really..it is about mitigating risk. Granted, that may be the financial expert in me talking but why take risks that can be reasonably avoided.
Author ghgh750 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 (edited) Jade, I am aware about how community property law works. In your earlier post, it made it seem as if the community property law would supersede a prenuptial agreement. I thought that was your claim but I am not sure if this is what you are arguing. For example, in a community property state, it is usually 50/50 split in property regardless of who earned it (again a completely dumb rule...why should my wife be able to make a claim to my 401k if she just does my dishes? By that logic, my dry cleaners should be able to make a claim to my investments as well) but with a prenuptial agreement, I believe it can be rewritten so that asset distribution is more fair to the one who actually pays for it. Perhaps I am wrong, if so please let me know. I am trying to learn as much as I can. I do find the law interesting and this aspect is driven not by paranoia but my desire to go to law school after working for a few years. Edited May 18, 2012 by ghgh750
jade4071 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Jade, I don't agree with the idea that a father falsely raising a child he believed is no worse than a husband fathering a child outside of marriage. Sure, the money aspect might be the same since resources are spent elsewhere on both cases. However, I think the emotional bond between a child and father would be greatly hurt if the father turned out not to be the biological father. All the time spent would be based on a lie. And with all the emotional investment on the child, it would be harder for the father to walk away from the child that is not his. Plus, he could still be on the hook for child support if him and the cheating wife divorce. The wife of a husband who fathered a child with his mistress, however, may only interact with the child in a limited setting. Even if the child lives with them, she will NEVER EVER falsely be lead to believe it is her child. There is less emotional attachment. The husband never has this luxury and feels doubly betrayed when he finds out the child is not his. The wife of a husband who fathered an illegitimate child is also not on the hook for child support if she decides to leave her husband in a divorce. Again, another advantage for women. I just hope that my wife is not so "romantic" that she bases everything on blind trust. Honestly, this is why corporations do much better than hippies and other people that live with rose colored tinted glasses. People are by nature selfish creatures that are prone to temptation. Most of the time, they may be able to be good but one mess up is enough to possibly ruin someone else's life. So why, for the love of God, would you not give your husband the peace of mind of knowing that the child is his? I think you are being selfish for not wanting to give him this request if he asks nicely. It would be one thing if he calls you a whore or something but I would tell my wife from the beginning of our marriage about this issue. She can then leave if she feels it is weird. I agree that if a man took years to raise a child and it ultimately turned out not to be his, he should still love the child the same. I know if my father turned out not to be my biological father, I would in fact love him even more because he took care of me for so long even when he had no biological obligation. I know he would love me the same but deep down inside, there has to be some part of him that would hate the fact that genetically, I am not related to him. Thinking of this breaks my heart and I feel sorry for men in this situation. Also paternity tests and lie detector tests can both be faked. I remember reading this article where a billionaire's tennis star wife faked the child's DNA test by using the DNA from the billionaire's older daughter's saliva. It is women like this that sicken me. She continued to liefor 11 years and then in divorce, decided to take his child away from him. Why would a loving wife want to even make this horrible contingency a possibility? Paternity tests are cheap and easy but can quell all doubts. I realize the spying with cameras and PIs are absurd. I agree but paternity testing is a serious matter. Perhaps women cannot empathize since they will never be in this position. Life is about risk...not really..it is about mitigating risk. Granted, that may be the financial expert in me talking but why take risks that can be reasonably avoided. You clearly have a lot more energy for this than I do. No offense, but I'm sure if I elaborate any further you will add a new twist to them. That's fine and I can tell you are clearly worried about the idea of marriage and all the things that could go wrong. That said, why even consider getting married and having kids if you feel the way you do? Wouldn't it just be easier to remain single, child-free and therefore would never have to entertain any of the possibilities you have lined out here?
Author ghgh750 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 (edited) Jade, You are right. I do have some extra time on my hands now since my exams are over. I do not intend to be hostile or a troll. I am sorry if I come off as that. LS posters are right, I have been highly paranoid as of recently. However, to my credit, every time I forget about these issues, some random article about cheating, divorce, etc. will appear on the front page of a website and will make me drive back into paranoia. This has been happening less though. (Funny example: According to a yahoo article, a new book from a police officer attributes the reasons behind the Zodiac Killer to an ADULTEROUS WIFE.... I was like WTF? If that is true, cheating just indirectly caused deaths of dozens of people. See what I mean about cheating...I also watched How I Met Your Mother and saw SPOILERS: Ted Mosby run off with someone else's bride even though he had cheated/left this woman before. What a dumb girl for running off with the same man that left her to be with someone else.) You are entitled to your belief about what is worse: false paternity/a father raising a child that is not his biologically vs. a wife finding out about her husband's illegitimate child. Money is lost in both cases but I think the emotional damage is greater when a husband falsely believes paternity because he is hurt two fold: 1.) His wife is a cheater, 2.) His offspring is really not his offspring. Whereas a wife finding out about her husband's affair has to suffer the fact that 1.) Her husband is a cheater. SHe is never duped into believing that she had a biological child that is not really hers. I guess if I am able to convince my wife about this issue, she might be understanding. Otherwise, maybe if I do find the "right one" (which I highly doubt exists), I can possibly believe her. Secret paternity is never off the table because it might indicate a lack of trust but IT IS NOT AS BAD AS AN AFFAIR. An affair is a betrayal of vows whereas a paternity test is not. I actually went out to dinner recently and then had a long convo with a friend about this. I have come to agree with all of you that I should not worry about this now and just try to have fun while keeping my eyes open and not taking ridiculous risks. New Plan: 1.) Enjoy life while still keeping an eye out for risks - financial and emotional 2.) Realizing emotional risks are unavoidable 3.) Treating a nice girl (both in looks and personality) to a nice first few dates and then asking if she would mind splitting the checks (that way she is not a golddigger) 4.) Assuming we do eventually marry, ask for a prenuptial agreeement so that both of our assets are protected. I will explain to her that this is insurance and that many divorces fail so it is best to be protected. If she does not want my assets, she should not care about this. THIS IS A DEALBREAKER FOR ME. If she agrees to cohabitation, then financial risks are less because palimony is harder to obtain. Also a cohabitation agreement is also a possibility. 5.) Paternity testing or secret paternity testing Everything else, I will leave to chance. If she cheats, I will be sad but whatever. I will get over it or I will just play videogames till my pain goes away. Hopefully this is more reasonable. Edited May 18, 2012 by ghgh750
stillwater Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 New Plan: I think once you get out there you'll discover that life seldom goes according to plan. Just let it go and relax.
Janesays Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 What is with all these guys thinking they are rich enough to attract 'gold diggers' when they're making 60, 70, 80K a year? Newsflash men: Gold diggers go for guys making millions a year. You're not even breaking six figures. You have NOTHING to worry about. When you've got 6 houses in 6 different countries, a yacht, and a butler named 'Charles', THEN you can whine to me about gold diggers. 1
Author ghgh750 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Ouch...maybe golddigger is not the right term but I wanted to convey the idea of a woman using me for my "money" and "financial security". I think at my young age, making as much as I do, I will hopefully have a pretty bright and lucrative future ahead. Maybe not millions but pretty wealthy. I am sure women use guys for financial security even if they are only making 100K. That is not a small sum to live well off of especially if you are a cake eater.
jade4071 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Ouch...maybe golddigger is not the right term but I wanted to convey the idea of a woman using me for my "money" and "financial security". I think at my young age, making as much as I do, I will hopefully have a pretty bright and lucrative future ahead. Maybe not millions but pretty wealthy. I am sure women use guys for financial security even if they are only making 100K. That is not a small sum to live well off of especially if you are a cake eater. Sorry to enlighten you but $100K is not a huge salary if you live in a metropolitan area. The area in which I live it is not a "bad" income - of course it isn't - but it isn't gold digging material by a long shot. I live in an area where the cost of living is considered by most to be extraordinarily high. It definitely makes those lists that come out every year. Perhaps if you lived in a small town, and maybe you do, where the cost of living was moderate and below, it would change things for you in that regard. My husband and I together make over six figures, have a house with a waterfront view, literally our backyard, and have a few nice things after 20+ years of marriage. However, it takes both of us working full time to still be able to save, put our kids through college, etc. In this day and age most people work outside the home. Of course there are good exceptions to that (stay-at-home parents, etc) but I would think a true gold digger would stand out fairly easily against that background of people. You are wasting your life being paranoid like this. It's one thing to know what you want and pursue it but it's quite another to worry about crap that could happen years from now, or maybe even never. I mean seriously, you've read enough threads and articles, you should be able to pick out every gold digger, loser, sociopath, narcissist, and needy user there is from 20 miles out and avoid them like the plague. BTW, true gold diggers have little to none to do with working for a living. Hence the gold digging. Like the poster a couple comments back mentioned, gold diggers go after people who make a LOT more money than what is just a comfortable living in the suburbs somewhere. When I was younger I was talking to my mom about something, don't remember what. I can guarantee whatever it was it was focused on the negative. She told me if I kept that sort of talk up I would get exactly what I didn't want. In other words, it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. You get what you focus on. Instead of talking about all the bad things you don't want, start thinking about the things you DO want, set your goals and go from there. Otherwise you are going to make yourself crazy.
Janesays Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Ouch...maybe golddigger is not the right term but I wanted to convey the idea of a woman using me for my "money" and "financial security". No, dude. No no no no no. If a woman's intent is to strictly 'use' a man for his 'financial security,' she's going to aim a LITTLE BIT HIGHER than a measly 80K a year. Seriously. What's that going to get her? A nice cruise to Alaska twice a year, date night at applebees once a week, and a charge card to TJ max? Please.
sally4sara Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 The reason why people are so affected when they are cheated on isn't because of the sex. It is because of the betrayal and lies. Someone doesn't have to cheat on you to betray you or lie to you. If you think the only reasons you have to be concerned about betrayal is via sex and by a woman - OH BOY are you in for a wake up call! You've led a seriously charmed life if no one has ever betrayed you before! Also when and if you marry, you won't become their parent. By planning to not allow your spouse any kind of autonomy and privacy, you are planning to be an overbearing and mentally abusive twat. Why would you aspire to that? You are also planning to not allow them to be recognized on their own merit by assuming what they will do and PRE-punishing them for the actions of others who did nothing to YOU. Its like saying a black person can't help but steal your belongings because you've heard of black people stealing and therefore feel they should all be locked up before any particular black person can do it again to you. How about just don't get married until you can grow up, calm the eff down, and see that in the grand scheme of things, getting cheated on it not the epitome of hardships (take it from someone who has been married and cheated on by their spouse) nor does anyone HAVE to get married to have a rich and full life. 1
Author ghgh750 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Hmm. Maybe I did not make myself clear. I am not a wealthy person but what I wanted to emphasize is that NO MATTER HOW MUCH MONEY OR ASSETS I HAVE, I DO NOT WANT TO SPLIT IT. I could have $1,000,000 in the bank or only a $1,000. If my wife did not work during the marriage, regardless of how much money I have in the bank, there is no way in hell I want her to take half. This is more true if we divorce because of adultery. WHY SHOULD A CHEATING SPOUSE GET HALF OF MY ASSETS? If you think that is fair or if you do not care, then you are an idiot who does not value money or are a very kind person. As a result, would it not be wise to have a financial protection plan (aka prenuptial agreements and postnuptial agreements) to protect myself? It is only logical. I don't care if they go against the faulty and idiotic notion of a "loving lets-be-happy marriage". Marriages have historically been marriages of economic convenience anyhow. I agree that I have been paranoid and have actually been easing up on it. I realize that life can't be controlled but risks should be mitigated when reasonably possible. The unwarranted spying is ridiculous in hindsight. I am not Joseph Stalin here. However, if something is amiss, I will snoop. Despite what I do, I will not be able to protect against the emotional damage of cheating. I only wish people were not so cold-blooded to do that to someone they once claimed to love. I will ask kindly and repeatedly for a paternity test. That is something I do not think I will budge on. Maybe, I will do it secretly otherwise throughout my whole life, I will resent my child and wife to a certain degree because of the uncertainty. Also, thanks to you guys, I am now more convinced that MAYBE THE ONLY WAY TO PROTECT MYSELF EMOTIONALLY IS TO TRY ONE NIGHT STANDS TILL I NEED TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. Then once in a relationship, I will protect myself financially through contracts and just PREEMPTIVELY CHEAT to protect myself emotionally.
Woggle Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Just remember if a woman truly loves you she will empathize with where you are coming from and will understand that she needs to earn your trust. If a woman shows no empathy for how you feel you know she is not right for you.
sally4sara Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 (edited) Hmm. Maybe I did not make myself clear. I am not a wealthy person but what I wanted to emphasize is that NO MATTER HOW MUCH MONEY OR ASSETS I HAVE, I DO NOT WANT TO SPLIT IT. I could have $1,000,000 in the bank or only a $1,000. If my wife did not work during the marriage.... If she doesn't work, a prenupt will not protect her assets. She simply won't have any by your standard and no amount of child care or home care is valued by you. If she doesn't cheat but can no longer stand your paranoia and/or your inability to value what she does contribute to your life such as keeping the home/raising the children till that point of not being able to tolerate you anymore - a prenupt is a DETRIMENT to her. Still, however, to enter into that situation would be her personal choice and eventual personal regret for her own stupid choice in marrying you. She will feel betrayed - BY YOU and infidelity will have nothing to do with it dig? You only mention how it can protect her too as an aside - you are not experiencing this anxiety about her assets so don't try to pretend you are. I agree that someone who cheated should get nothing more than they arrived to the relationship with. I do consider you to be a bit skewed in the materialistic sense. Its money. You unfortunately need it in this world, but to hold such anxiety that you might have to part with any of it speaks loudly of your values. I will ask kindly and repeatedly for a paternity test. That is something I do not think I will budge on. Maybe, I will do it secretly otherwise throughout my whole life, I will resent my child and wife to a certain degree because of the uncertainty. I find it to be part of your skewed values to feel you would resent and not find worth in a child if it wasn't of your own genetic material. I get not wanting to be fooled. But only valuing people if they share your blood is COLD BLOODED TOO. Can you say uterus envy? Blood won't make a person a good parent or even what would literally be a parent, it takes a person who can care about someone beyond themselves and everything you've shared in this thread speaks to an extreme level of self interest. You might not be parent material to a child at all even if you are the biological father. Also, thanks to you guys, I am now more convinced that MAYBE THE ONLY WAY TO PROTECT MYSELF EMOTIONALLY IS TO TRY ONE NIGHT STANDS TILL I NEED TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. Then once in a relationship, I will protect myself financially through contracts and just PREEMPTIVELY CHEAT to protect myself emotionally. Oh whatever. No one is responsible for how you feel about something. You choose to feel how you feel; no one makes you feel it. You choose how to behave; no one makes you do anything. Edited May 18, 2012 by sally4sara 1
samsungxoxo Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 Dude, not sure you're gonna find a good woman willing to deal with that level of paranoia. If she is, she probably ain't no count to begin with. Good luck dude!He won't find anyone with that level of negativity.
Author ghgh750 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 (edited) UPDATE: I went on two dates this past weekend. They went well. Average looking girls. I made them split the bill so I was not unfairly burdened financially though I could afford it. In fact, I made them pay a little more than their fair share because I ordered more expensive items. I guess this shows they are not greedy girls but it also shows they are not financially savvy so I am concerned about that. It also means that I might be slightly greedy but if they had said something, I would have gladly picked up my portion. I have given up this paranoia. I will see where life takes me. I will probably draft a prenuptial agreement sometime soon so my future wife realizes it is not contingent upon her but that I always had this insurance policy. She will sign it or it will be the end. Paternity tests are non-negotiable. Maybe you people believe in fairy-tale trust but there are too many stories of paternity fraud. The fact that a decent percentage of women can willingly allow a man to believe that a child is his sickens me and indicates ANYONE can do it. Worst thing would be to raise some kid for my whole life to find out that he is not my genetic material. I realize DNA does not make a son but if I had the choice (which is what a paternity test will give me), I would much rather raise a kid biologically mine. I want to continue my genetic legacy. A logical woman should realize this. Edited May 20, 2012 by ghgh750
PeineDeCoeur Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 UPDATE: I went on two dates this past weekend. They went well. Average looking girls. I made them split the bill so I was not unfairly burdened financially though I could afford it. In fact, I made them pay a little more than their fair share because I ordered more expensive items. I guess this shows they are not greedy girls but it also shows they are not financially savvy so I am concerned about that. It also means that I might be slightly greedy but if they had said something, I would have gladly picked up my portion. I have given up this paranoia. I will see where life takes me. I will probably draft a prenuptial agreement sometime soon so my future wife realizes it is not contingent upon her but that I always had this insurance policy. She will sign it or it will be the end. Paternity tests are non-negotiable. Maybe you people believe in fairy-tale trust but there are too many stories of paternity fraud. The fact that a decent percentage of women can willingly allow a man to believe that a child is his sickens me and indicates ANYONE can do it. Worst thing would be to raise some kid for my whole life to find out that he is not my genetic material. I realize DNA does not make a son but if I had the choice (which is what a paternity test will give me), I would much rather raise a kid biologically mine. I want to continue my genetic legacy. A logical woman should realize this. You sound incredibly calculating and your approach to dating by testing women's behaviour in paying the bill is simply bizarre. I wonder if you will truly be able to "let go" enough to risk being in love and be able to enjoy companionship with a woman, let alone intimacy. You seek a business arrangement, not love. There is no map, there are no guarantees in marriage. We none of us know where life will take us, what changes and challenges test us and how we will react to them. Things happen over time, people change for the better and for the worse. We are also human and make mistakes. I am currently going through a divorce, and yes, it is a 50/50 split. We each of us put money into our assets, we each of us make equal incomes. Your extreme insistance that you keep all your money is ridiculous if you plan to marry. Do you expect that women come to marriage with nothing of their own, that they do not contribute financially, let alone deserve something in the case of divorce??? I am not even going to touch the debate on the financial value of a stay at home wife/mother because it seems you do not value that work in any way. These opinions are where your life inexperience is really showing. Stop the intense focus on self-protection and anxiety about what is not even on the radar and live your life without a plan. You are way too young to be thinking like this. Throw out your plan and accept that life will take you where it takes you. If you find your thought patterns are continuously circling on the ideas you have expressed here and you cannot let it go, please consider IC. If you pursue the plan you have outlined, I am sceptical that you will be able to sustain a happy or long-lasting relationship.
Comfortable Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I have NEVER posted on this site before, but come and lurk. Reading your thread made me HAVE to reply. There is no way that someone with respect would be willing to be a part of a relationship with those things underlined. You are making a relationship more of a business transaction than something that you could enjoy being apart of. I feel sorry for you!
Eddie Edirol Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 UPDATE: I went on two dates this past weekend. They went well. Average looking girls. I made them split the bill so I was not unfairly burdened financially though I could afford it. In fact, I made them pay a little more than their fair share because I ordered more expensive items. I guess this shows they are not greedy girls but it also shows they are not financially savvy so I am concerned about that. It also means that I might be slightly greedy but if they had said something, I would have gladly picked up my portion. I have given up this paranoia. I will see where life takes me. I will probably draft a prenuptial agreement sometime soon so my future wife realizes it is not contingent upon her but that I always had this insurance policy. She will sign it or it will be the end. Paternity tests are non-negotiable. Maybe you people believe in fairy-tale trust but there are too many stories of paternity fraud. The fact that a decent percentage of women can willingly allow a man to believe that a child is his sickens me and indicates ANYONE can do it. Worst thing would be to raise some kid for my whole life to find out that he is not my genetic material. I realize DNA does not make a son but if I had the choice (which is what a paternity test will give me), I would much rather raise a kid biologically mine. I want to continue my genetic legacy. A logical woman should realize this. If you couldnt realize that your relationship is in trouble before a wife cheats on you and tries to stick you with the baby, you are already in trouble. You need to do your research and find out how to satisfy a woman emotionally so that you dont have to worry about trust, you will KNOW that she will be in it with you till the end. If you dont do this research, no matter what precautions you take, you will get taken, you wont see it coming, and it will be your fault. Also, no woman is marrying you if you mention any of this paranoia, because they will all know that you do not know what youre doing in a dating dynamic.
SoleMate Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Just be honest with your wife-to-be. Let her know that while the other expectant couples are mooning over each other, happily painting the nursery and fondling their pregnant belly while discussing baby names, you'll be marching her to the testing lab to take a paternity test under high-security conditions (after all, no point in the test if she could find a loophole to slip in a sample of your own buccal cells while the technician's back is turned). Seriously though. I understand the fears and the impulse....somewhat....but you've warped it all the way over to another galaxy. Demanding paternity testing in the absence of probable cause will ruin your marriage as fast as any affair. A marriage needs faithfulness, and it also needs trust. No point destroying the latter, in an attempt to ensure the former. Also keep in mind that it's hard enough to find a girl/woman right now. With your extreme demands, you are whittling down your pool of possibilities to focus on those women with low self-esteem, few choices, and/or experience of abuse and control. Many women would just roll their eyes at your demands, so when you find someone who actually is willing to comply, watch out, there is probably something wrong with her. Maybe rent "Raise the Red Lantern" for another viewpoint.
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