mortensorchid Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I was thinking about this today, thinking about my second to last serious bf who ended up in a horrible situation. We were in an LDR for about two years, there were a few red flags before THE END, especially the second to last time we saw each other. He was demanding, controlling, and condescending. This was, as I found out, conditional love, in that he said if I didn't loose weight and quit smoking this was not going to be a permanent set up. I took it as a challenge, so after I had dropped about 30 of the 45 lbs I would eventually loose and had successfully quit for about 4 weeks, he was furious at me. It took me too long to do it. Talk about a power trip. So barely a year later, he met and married another woman. It was a rebound. He said he didn't want to have children and he married a woman with two children, one from each previous marriage. He was so eager to have someone in his life that he agreed to support her and her children. On top of that, her daughter was living somewhere in NC or SC going to college, and he was even paying for her education. The wife (I would assume) saw his terrible side after a while, got a trailer down there, and started going down more and more often to "spend time with her daughter". Eventually she was spending summers down there. After two years, she ran off with someone else, married husband #4 not too long ago, and divorced husband #4 about a year later. He (the old bf) is really alone now. I guess I have some conflicting emotions thinking about this. There is a part of me that feels pity for him, but another thinking that he got what he deserved as well. I wonder why it is that a lot of guys I have encountered (him included) go for terrible women like this? Superiority complex? Wanting to dominate? Lonliness? Is this the whole "women who go for bad boys" arguement reversed in genders? Anyone have any insights?
KathyM Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Why would you feel pity for this guy? You said he was a controlling, condescending jerk. He treated you badly. He got what he deserved. Some people should never get married. This guy was one of them. So was his wife. Guys like that deserve to be alone. I think you dodged a bullet when you left that guy. He doesn't deserve your pity.
Author mortensorchid Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 Why would you feel pity for this guy? You said he was a controlling, condescending jerk. He treated you badly. He got what he deserved. Some people should never get married. This guy was one of them. So was his wife. Guys like that deserve to be alone. I think you dodged a bullet when you left that guy. He doesn't deserve your pity. I think I felt pity because of displaced emotion. There was one time years ago I had a terrible falling out with a childhood friend (long story), and I felt depressed about it later on even though the whole thing was completely her fault. But yes, he was a condescending, controlling, miserable jerk who treated me badly. And I did dodge a bullet. It is, no question, a sad story, and rather sad that I had hitched my wagon to him. It's rather self centered of me to think that as well, I realize, but it's what it is.
lynbetz Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 This guy obviously treated you really badly, when you used to love someone you do feel some pity for them.. He tried to change you and you did just that. But by the looks of it you changed for yourself, get your confidence back you've lost weight and you probably feel great looking in a mirror. Go out and find a decent guy and forget about this man who hurt you so bad.
gaius Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I guess I have some conflicting emotions thinking about this. There is a part of me that feels pity for him, but another thinking that he got what he deserved as well. I wonder why it is that a lot of guys I have encountered (him included) go for terrible women like this? Superiority complex? Wanting to dominate? Lonliness? Is this the whole "women who go for bad boys" arguement reversed in genders? Anyone have any insights? She offered him the relationship dynamic he was looking for. Maybe being able to financially support her and the kids gave him the sense of control he was looking for and he felt like a man. More often than not the history and moral character of a woman doesn't matter if she knows just how to stimulate the guy in question. Don't let all those lists men make of what qualities they want in a woman fool you. 1
LittlePrince Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Why would you feel pity for this guy? Because she's not over him and using condescension to cope with being dumped years ago. It hit her ego pretty hard.
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