sakiiru Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 My ex and I had a really horrible breakup where he said he hated me and never wanted to speak to me again. However, he hasn't deleted me from FB, email, phone, etc. We went N/C for two weeks, but recently I just had a dramatic event in my life where I narrowly escaped assault in front of my house. He heard about it and texted asking if I was hurt. I texted back simply saying I was fine but a bit shaken, thanked him for his concern, and told him sincerely that I hoped he was doing well. There are so many things I want to say to him, so many unresolved issues that I'd like to discuss and things I want to apologize for and I hope he'll apologize for, but because he had said that he hated me and never wanted anything to do with me, I had no idea how to bring it up and I resigned myself to just respecting his wishes for N/C and letting us both move on. But the fact that he hasn't deleted me -- and even initiated contact out of seeming concern -- makes me wonder if he did actually hate me as much as he said he did, and if there is actually any hope of reconciliation. Not to get back together, but just talk about our mistakes so that we're no longer in this state of bitterness toward each other and can move on without so many hard feelings. Thoughts?
Chi townD Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 He's hurt so I would just leave him alone. You don't want to get back with him so I wouldn't contact him. I'm assuming you broke up with him. By breaking up with him, you made the choice to have him out of your life. I would stick by your convictions. So, you're still friends on FB. Don't worry. The first time you start dating again and you get tagged in a photo with your new man....that will change. 2
Author sakiiru Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 That's the thing though. I did break up with him, but three months afterwards started briefly seeing someone else (nothing happened) and didn't tell him about it until later. That's when he said he hated me and such -- and yet he still hasn't removed me. I'm trying to move on but it pains me that there's so much bitterness; I just feel like if we could apologize to each other for hurting each other, it would be easier for us to be cordial and move on. Maybe I am just being naive.
Chi townD Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 That's the thing though. I did break up with him, but three months afterwards started briefly seeing someone else (nothing happened) and didn't tell him about it until later. That's when he said he hated me and such -- and yet he still hasn't removed me. I'm trying to move on but it pains me that there's so much bitterness; I just feel like if we could apologize to each other for hurting each other, it would be easier for us to be cordial and move on. Maybe I am just being naive. Why do you think that there's bitterness? You're not speaking to each other. Sorry to say this. But, you're not his favorite person in the world right now and nothing you can do or say is going to change that.....except time. You made the decision to end things and he took control of the only thing he could and that's to never talk to you again. Look, I know my posts may seem harsh. But, I'm trying to get you to realize that decisions made have consquences. Okay, so the relationship didn't end the way that YOU wanted it to end. Nothing you can do about that. You can't change the way he feels. So, you have to live with the fact that someone in this world doesn't think that you are a nice person (I'm not say that you aren't, but that's just the way he feels at the moment). All you can do is hope that he can move on with his life and he finds happiness with someone else. That's all you can hope for.
flitzanu Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 That's the thing though. I did break up with him, but three months afterwards started briefly seeing someone else (nothing happened) and didn't tell him about it until later. That's when he said he hated me and such -- and yet he still hasn't removed me. I'm trying to move on but it pains me that there's so much bitterness; I just feel like if we could apologize to each other for hurting each other, it would be easier for us to be cordial and move on. Maybe I am just being naive. yes, you're being naive. you aren't going to "apologize to each other and move on". all YOU can do, is FORGIVE him, without him apologizing. you have to accept the bitterness and allow yourself to drop that anger and forget it. he's never going to apologize, and even if he does, you're still going to want to know WHY. oh WHY DID YOU DO THIS? YOU DON'T EVEN CARE! no, it's not like that. you're never going to feel resolution, and you'll never hear what you want. maybe years down the road you will, but not right now. neither of you even KNOW what you've done and you don't know the implications it's even going to have on your life in the long-term, if it has any effect at all.
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