ADL Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 After 7 years in the relationship I decided to pull the plug a month ago. Marriage became a deal breaker. He continued to drag his feet and took my values for granted. We've been on a completely different pages when it comes to our future for a very long time. It's hard to walk away when both people are still in love. We have so much history, we are a perfect balance, and he treats me like a princess (outside of my obsession on marriage.) Every one of my friends and family love him, but are so disappointed that he's never made my dreams a priority. My heart and mind are in conflict. My mind tells me that I have to say goodbye for my well being (the marriage topic utlimately drove me to therapy, anxiety attacks and finally anxiety medication) My heart remembers that I wanted marriage and children with him for the right reasons (not just beause it's the next step or for the ring/ wedding, but because I love him, and want to grow old beside him) He wants work it out, and is trying to pull me back. I'm leary about going back into the same cycle of pretending everyting is fine...until I can't stand to ignore my needs anymore (this has been going on for 3+ years) I dont know if I should continue on my own path alone or step back onto the path we were on together so that I can have my future with him ??? If I go back, I know my needs won't get addressed anytime soon. Do I accept the way things are, or change direction??
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 After 7 years in the relationship I decided to pull the plug a month ago. Marriage became a deal breaker. He continued to drag his feet and took my values for granted. We've been on a completely different pages when it comes to our future for a very long time. It's hard to walk away when both people are still in love. We have so much history, we are a perfect balance, and he treats me like a princess (outside of my obsession on marriage.) Every one of my friends and family love him, but are so disappointed that he's never made my dreams a priority. My heart and mind are in conflict. My mind tells me that I have to say goodbye for my well being (the marriage topic utlimately drove me to therapy, anxiety attacks and finally anxiety medication) My heart remembers that I wanted marriage and children with him for the right reasons (not just beause it's the next step or for the ring/ wedding, but because I love him, and want to grow old beside him) He wants work it out, and is trying to pull me back. I'm leary about going back into the same cycle of pretending everyting is fine...until I can't stand to ignore my needs anymore (this has been going on for 3+ years) I dont know if I should continue on my own path alone or step back onto the path we were on together so that I can have my future with him ??? If I go back, I know my needs won't get addressed anytime soon. Do I accept the way things are, or change direction??7 years is a long time without one word that smells like a marriage proposal. Why won't he commit? I would talk to him about it==you both are still in love, but you have needs that are not being fulfilled. He needs to know that. He also needs to know that you aren't trying to make him marry you---it would be nice if he simply wanted to. There is love there, but there is fear of something on his part that warrants some kind of communication. Ps, how old are you/have either of you been married before?
Author ADL Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 He said in the past that a wedding is not much more than a formality and that he feels that we're already "married". We're both 32, neither of us have been married before. I've talked about him about this plenty. He is horrible at communicating openly about feelings, or anything that has emotions involved. He seals up like a clam! The frustration part is what made me throw in the towel. He can't bring himself to even say "its coming"...we've only been in a jewlery store once. He has never been able to give piece of mind...just allows me to wait, hope and cross my fingers that we'll take that direction someday.
gibson Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 (edited) Let me get this straight... At 32, after investing 7 amazing years into this relationship... He would rather walk away, break up and deny you your wish, hope, goal, dream and desire to be married (to him no less) over what he considers a "formality"? Wow... He has never been able to give piece of mind...just allows me to wait, hope and cross my fingers that we'll take that direction someday. Hello?!?!?!?!?! He is never going to ask you to marry him! 1. He told you he doesn't want to get married and his actions have confirmed and demonstrated that going on 7 years now. 2. He has / gets EVERYTHING he wants! 3. Your wish, hope, goal, dream and desire to be married (to him no less) does not matter to him and never will because of number 1 & 2 above. How do I know? He told you! He said in the past that a wedding is not much more than a formality and that he feels that we're already "married". When someone tells / shows you who they are... BELIEVE THEM! The ONLY WAY I would ever take this guy back is if he showed up with a ring! Anything less than that... you are just wasting more of your valuable time. Edited May 17, 2012 by gibson 1
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