Jorj Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Hey! Firstly I'd just like to introduce myself. I'm George and this is my very first post here. I've come here because I just can't hold my feelings in any longer, and I need loving and caring advice badly. My "story" is a little long, so bear with me... I think I'll start out by saying that I highly suspect having at least mild OCD and an addictive personality. Also, if you are going to scoff at what I say, please don't bother answering because I'm looking for sincere, mature, and gentle answers. Several years ago I met [another] friend over the internet, a girl. Like other normal friendships, it started out normally and we talked for a year or two, after which we stopped talking for another year or two, but we have recently begun to speak again. After around 6 months of renewed contact, we've both grown very close as friends and liked each other as more than that, as we "understand" each other and have an astounding number of things in common, and we are officially together. We do not know each other in real life and are in different countries. However, I don't know... I read about limerence recently, and can say for sure that I am "in limerence" with her... I always want her to reinforce in some way that she loves me, and I get very happy when she does and incredibly frustrated when she does not, i.e. limerence. I think about her a lot yet sometimes I really do feel like killing her when she does not reciprocate my feelings. I don't know what to do, this is really getting to me and I am never at ease, always thinking about it and worrying about her finding someone else, always just wanting to be loved back all the time, analyzing what she says too much, always thinking about her being here with me, yadda yadda. I have not told anyone about this because I feel ashamed, stupid, and very lost and confused. This girl is just the perfect girl for me. We agree on nearly everything, and both have "outsider" mindsets. All I really want to do is be with her. Now the logical part of my brain tells me that this "relationship" will face difficulties because of the distance, but the other part of my brain just tells me that this girl is the only one, and that as long as we both have the willpower it will remain strong until the day we can meet, which is probably in a couple of years. But I just don't know what to do anymore, I don't know if I should end this or if I should just stop whining and enjoy the wonderful girl I have, I've never been this confused in my life. It will be very hard on both of us if I were to end it. Another couple of things I'd like to clear: I know how to use the internet... meaning, I can tell who's real and who isn't. Many of my friends are online- met, and I've even had my best friend (whom I met online) travel to my country just to meet me for the first time in real life. That should say something. Please do not batter me with "this girl is not real"; take it as a given that she is. I'm nearly in tears from typing this because I've never been as confused in my entire life as I am right now. I'm crying out for help, somebody, please give me some kind advice here. Anything you have to say. I am eternally grateful in advance for your comments and time. The limerence and distance are killing me.
d'Arthez Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Keep the contact up. Keep talking with each other, keep on discovering the other person, tell her what she means to you etc.. LDRs are difficult, but as long as you and this girl are on the same page, things can work. Sure, you'll both need to work towards finding a way to be together in the same place, and since you are in different countries, that also means looking at legal issues, work (permit) issues and everything else that needs to be in order. Good luck, and I hope things work out for you George.
shorty7 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Without hard facts, it's hard for me to determine, but some things you absolutely must do: Get a definitive date of when you meet, and SOON. You'll know as soon as you meet if you're both right for each other. You can't call any relationship "real" unless you've had a chance for physical contact.If you can admit to the fact you have a compulsion for control, you need to assess, understand, and accept that this relationship will have a LOT of things you don't have control over, including your feelings. The only thing you can control is how you use your time away from connecting with her, so use it wisely.Tell her how you feel. I suggest writing. Yes, like, a letter. Write your feelings and thoughts in a way that you know those words will still ring true in 1~2 weeks when she finally receive it. If she responds, great. If not, that's a test of your limerence issue. Good luck George, hope it works out for you.
taylorback Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 You're going to be alright. My only input is, don't get hung up on thinking she's "the one" - that's straight bull****. You're a smart guy, so you know that the statistics of there only be a single person out there for you is ridiculous. Just do what you do amigo.
HeavenOrHell Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 >I think about her a lot yet sometimes I really do feel like killing her when she does not reciprocate my feelings < This is not healthy and does sound far too obsessive, relationships which are about limerence rather than love won't work. And what shorty7 said >Get a definitive date of when you meet, and SOON. You'll know as soon as you meet if you're both right for each other. You can't call any relationship "real" unless you've had a chance for physical contact<
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