gibson Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 DON'T EVER BE A "BUTT"! "BUTT" - A person with no self-respect, self-worth, boundaries, dignity, and someone who is not true to what they want, what they need, etc. When someone says... I like you, I have feelings for you, miss you "BUTT"... WHATEVER is after the "BUTT" is immaterial and doesn't matter. If you chase or end up in a relationship with someone who thinks you are a "BUTT"... They will always treat you like one. You get used, abused, tortured, manipulated and treated like something that comes out of a "BUTT"! Why? They just told you (and their actions will also match) they think you are / have to be a "BUTT" to chase or be with them. If you chase, pursue or agree to enter into a relationship with someone who thinks you are a "BUTT", it's not under any sort of normal terms that is "healthy" for you and NO... There is never a happy ending for you either! DON'T EVER BE A "BUTT"! 3
pteromom Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Except in the case of: I like you, I have feelings for you, miss you "BUTT"... WHATEVER is after the "BUTT" is immaterial and doesn't matter. Usually, whatever is after the "BUTT" is what they are REALLY trying to say, and whatever is BEFORE the "BUTT" is just trying to reduce the impact of what they are trying to say.... 5
wilsonx Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 (edited) Except in the case of: I like you, I have feelings for you, miss you "BUTT"... WHATEVER is after the "BUTT" is immaterial and doesn't matter. Usually, whatever is after the "BUTT" is what they are REALLY trying to say, and whatever is BEFORE the "BUTT" is just trying to reduce the impact of what they are trying to say.... You have no idea how wrong you are in this. If you continue to think this way, you are going to be a member of this forum for a LONG time Edited May 16, 2012 by wilsonx 1
pteromom Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 You have no idea how wrong you are in this. If you continue to think this way, you are going to be a member of this forum for a LONG time LOL.... OK. If someone says "I really love you and have never been happier, but I've been wondering what it is like to date someone else" - what they mean is they want to date someone else. The part BEFORE the but is just said to reduce the impact. If someone says "You have a pretty face, but you could stand to lose a few pounds", what they really mean is "You are too fat". So I guess I am gonna be on this forum for a long time. 1
wilsonx Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Right! So you are one of those people that takes EVERYTHING to heart. You have a pretty face.... compliment (no body worth a damn would finish off the rest of it) I really love you and have never been happier... compliment (no body worth a damn would leave me if they really loved me and never been happier) Like I said the BUTT and after is IRRELEVANT.
hinatticus Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 What if I said this... I don't like your haircut, but, damn you are still sexy as f*ck, and I'll always love and cherish you forever. I think I'm being respectful and not treating her like a butt. But ya I agree with op, don't be a butt. Now wilsonx.. Look at my to mend thread and gimmie your brutal honesty! I've been thread jacking just to get you to respond! I'll pm you or start a new thread with your name in big bright colors if that's what it will take.
Author gibson Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 (edited) In my example I had to list out the BS or else it wouldn't make sense to people. So now that we know the point I am trying to make... Let me put it a simpler way. BS, BS, BS... "BUTT".... The terms of if / what / how they are going to have anything to do with you. Whatever the terms are... They are not going to be what you want, need or desire. You will only find yourself being treated like something that comes out of a "BUTT". If you have self-worth, self-respect, boundaries, dignity, etc. and someone tells you that you are a "BUTT" or asks you to be a "BUTT"... you will have no problem declining their offer due to the "terms of the agreement". Edited May 16, 2012 by gibson
hinatticus Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Except I'm my example. The terms I gave are good terms that everybody wants to hear.
coltsfan1 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Except I'm my example. The terms I gave are good terms that everybody wants to hear. The example you gave is NOT relevant to the point the OP is trying to make. What he is saying is " I think you are cute, funny, BUT you are just not as educated as I want." The example above means when said is- you meet all my criteria but the education part. Therefore if someone else comes along and does.... Then you WILL be my second choice.
pteromom Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 What if I said this... I don't like your haircut, but, damn you are still sexy as f*ck, and I'll always love and cherish you forever. In this case, what's before the BUT is what is really being said. But in the situation of breaking up, usually what's after the but is irrelevant. I see what you are saying - it can be reversed.
Author gibson Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 (edited) Except I'm my example. The terms I gave are good terms that everybody wants to hear. This thread is for people who were with "bad apples" or just were dumped. Your example doesn't apply to anyone here. Read through the threads here in the break up forum and then stroll over the dating forum and read those. Break up forum 98% of all the posts here in this forum, the dumpers feelings for the dumpee have long since changed before the break up even occurred. I have yet to read one post where the dumper broke up over something superficial about the dumpee where the dumpee was unwilling to work on it or change it. Even if it was something they could change, it's already too late. A lot of the relationships which lead to a break up here were "unhealthy" because the dumpee agreed to be a "BUTT" when the relationship started. Examples: Dumper just got out of a LTR or was hung up on an Ex. Dumper is a commitment phoebe. Dumper had drug or alcohol addictions. Dumper was a cheater, abuser, etc. Dumper is emotionally unavailable. Dumper wants to date around / have an open relationship. Dumper wants to be your friend. Etc. Dating forum A large majority of those posts are questions, comments and complaints about dating or trying to date someone who thinks they are a "BUTT" or wants them to be a "BUTT". Examples: They do not have / make time for me. They are dating multiple people. They have a very close relationship with their Ex. They are in another relationship / married. They want me to be a FWB. They don't want a relationship. They are emotionally unavailable. They never take me out. Etc. If you really want to use your logic, I have a much better example that applies to people dating, not dumpees who are reading this thread. Example: Someone who has a child who wants to date someone without one. "I like you, I want to date you, etc. "BUTT" I have a child and he / she is my number one priority. I will have to balance my responsibilities, commitments and time between the two of you." The person with the child has a "BUTT" but the terms of what / how they are can date you are clear, upfront and understandable. Edited May 16, 2012 by gibson
hinatticus Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Wow. I was only trying to be somewhat funny. I get what your are saying op. I'll just shut up now. Carry on...
smokey bear Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Should i be scorned for trying to make someone a BUTT then? x Good post xx
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