trinity1 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Thanks for that. It's great advice for couples. If I may, and I had hoped you would expound on how you stay happy given the R is an A. Or is my lack of understanding in my assumption that you want more than an A? I suppose the most concise Q I have is: Provided you want more than an A, how do you stay happy? I really think sharing that would help others (myself included) PM me if you arent comfortable doing so in public (and provided you wish to share) "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change Courage to change the things I can And wisdom to know the difference." I accept that I want a relationship with a man that is married. I accept that it is not in my power to make him leave his wife. I accept that there are reasons, good reasons, for him to still be married which have nothing to do with our love and our relationship. I enjoy all the good parts of our relationship rather than grieve what I do not have. I can support my partner in his voyage through life. I can work on being a good person and be happy in my life. I can use the knowledge I have gained about EMRs and share it with others and give them support in dealing with their relationships whether they want to stay in them or end them. 3
wellwhynot Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 I have a question. If you discount the tone of what was said "back then", do you think the advice you received was "wrong"? How much thought or weight do you credit LS posts in "dealing" with your situation? Essentially, tone aside, was the advice, in hindsight, in YOUR best interest? Not directed to me, but I think that a lot of the good advice gets lost in the tone. I'm never going to listen to someone who implies that I don't deserve to ever be happy or that I am worthless. Even if they are giving me the best advice in the world. Thanks for that. It's great advice for couples. If I may, and I had hoped you would expound on how you stay happy given the R is an A. Or is my lack of understanding in my assumption that you want more than an A? I suppose the most concise Q I have is: Provided you want more than an A, how do you stay happy? I really think sharing that would help others (myself included) PM me if you arent comfortable doing so in public (and provided you wish to share) I'd love to have more than an A. I really would, but my relationship with him is more important to me than labels. I may be unusual in I get a lot of time with him, certainly much more quality time than he spends with anyone else in his life, because of that we have a very fullfilling relationship. I have my own life, career, friends, hobbies and world that don't rely on him for my happiness. He's an addition to my world, a missing puzzle piece, but my life without him isn't empty. I think that's the biggest part. I take care of me.
stillwater Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change Courage to change the things I can And wisdom to know the difference." I accept that I want a relationship with a man that is married. I accept that it is not in my power to make him leave his wife. I accept that there are reasons, good reasons, for him to still be married which have nothing to do with our love and our relationship. I enjoy all the good parts of our relationship rather than grieve what I do not have. I can support my partner in his voyage through life. I can work on being a good person and be happy in my life. I can use the knowledge I have gained about EMRs and share it with others and give them support in dealing with their relationships whether they want to stay in them or end them. Again, not to be rude... But it sounds like all you've done is convinced yourself to accept less than what you really want. In other words, you settled. While he gets everything he wants. That doesn't sound like a healthy arrangement to me. And while you may not be able to change HIM, you certainly have all the power in the world to change the SITUATION. You can just walk away and find someone who can give you everything you want. 2
stillwater Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 (edited) I'd love to have more than an A. I really would, but my relationship with him is more important to me than labels. It's not the label that's the problem, it's the situation. You could call it a "blarneyfloo" instead of an "affair" and it would change nothing. MM still goes home to his wife, and you still go to bed alone. (well, presumably. I don't know the details of your situation, so forgive me if I'm way off base) I'm not trying to pee in your cornflakes here, really. I'm just trying to honestly reflect on what happened with me. I used to think along the same lines. I could convince myself that it was like we were dating. We'd see each other for a few hours, hang out and do something fun, then we'd go back to our respective homes. Except she was going home to share a bed with her husband, and still having sex with him. Or, we'd spend a great weekend together, but come Monday afternoon, back to him she went. Maybe it's different for you, but that gnawed on me, and eventually I couldn't live the lie anymore. Having a legitimate relationship is far more important to me than just any relationship, especially one that looked like a dead-end. Edited May 16, 2012 by stillwater
wellwhynot Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 It's not the label that's the problem, it's the situation. You could call it a "blarneyfloo" instead of an "affair" and it would change nothing. MM still goes home to his wife, and you still go to bed alone. (well, presumably. I don't know the details of your situation, so forgive me if I'm way off base) I'm not trying to pee in your cornflakes here, really. I'm just trying to honestly reflect on what happened with me. I used to think along the same lines. I could convince myself that it was like we were dating. We'd see each other for a few hours, hang out and do something fun, then we'd go back to our respective homes. Except she was going home to share a bed with her husband, and still having sex with him. Or, we'd spend a great weekend together, but come Monday afternoon, back to him she went. Maybe it's different for you, but that gnawed on me, and eventually I couldn't live the lie anymore. Having a legitimate relationship is far more important to me than just any relationship, especially one that looked like a dead-end. Thank you for sharing your experience. That is helpful and something I will keep in mind. If it begins to change or if my blarneyfloo (i really like that) becomes a relationship where I get less than I need then I'll reevaluate it.
trinity1 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Again, not to be rude... But it sounds like all you've done is convinced yourself to accept less than what you really want. In other words, you settled. While he gets everything he wants. That doesn't sound like a healthy arrangement to me. And while you may not be able to change HIM, you certainly have all the power in the world to change the SITUATION. You can just walk away and find someone who can give you everything you want. I'm in my 50s and I've never met another man like Neo. I'm not throwing him away for the futile hope of finding someone like him. I have what I want. 4
woinlove Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Actually, I think, from reading the OP, this is more than "the happy thread". The OP has 2 points: (1) she is happy as an OW and (2) there is so much doom and gloom here and if OW aren't happy, they should just leave. Most of the posts are stimulated by (2) as there was more of a question there, as she doesn't know why they stay in the A if they aren't happy.
woinlove Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 (edited) Actually, the discussion of different voices is VERY relevant to the OP, because the message of why don't OW don't just leave if they are not happy, could make OW who are sad or hurt feel misunderstood and unwelcome. NOTE: I am NOT saying the OP is doing that, just that a sad and vulnerable OW could feel that way. But I think the OP can learn more why there are OW who are sad and hurt and why they can still stay in the A for some time, or take a very long time leaving it (if it yo-yos back and forth, on and off again). Just as someone can voice the opinion, just get out if you aren't happy and then there won't be so many doom and gloom posts here, someone can voice an opinion that happy OW may not agree with either. One wants the unhappy OW to feel as welcome here as the happy ones. Edited May 16, 2012 by woinlove
frozensprouts Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Well, I read all this doom and gloom. Kinda sad. I love my MM, and our relationship is fantastic. I don't know why, if you are miserable, you stay in yours. If you don't like it, leave it. OP who was this original post aimed at? Were you trying to start a discussion by people who are happy in their affair, or were you trying to encourage other men/women who are unhappy in their affair to end it? were you hoping for both things? 1
MissBee Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I'd love to have more than an A. I really would, but my relationship with him is more important to me than labels. I may be unusual in I get a lot of time with him, certainly much more quality time than he spends with anyone else in his life, because of that we have a very fullfilling relationship. I don't think an A is just a label... even so, labels aren't always meaningless...labels often explain what things are. An affair isn't simply a label, it usually gives a big clue to the parameters of the relationship. What you and trinity say though, is for me the crux, the settling. People hate the word settling, as they associate it with some extreme caricature of desperation, yet settling is simply taking something else over and against something you'd much rather have. Which is what you've both conceded, that you don't want As, but an A is all this particular person can provide, so you find other things to be happy about and ignore that aspect. For me, I guess I believe no one is that great that I must have an A with them and if I'm so great why don't they try everything in their power to make it more if they know it is not all that I desire? 2
wellwhynot Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 People mainly seek out online communities when they are sad, upset, looking for advice or help. There are very few communities that are all about positive happy things. There is no need to visit a website daily if life is going great, if everything is wonderful and you have no need for advice or support. The parenting site I am on is about questions, issues, etc for parents raising kids. There certainly are happy moments posted, but the site wasn't built on people wanting to express how great their kids are; it was built on the need for advice and not having anyone in real life to turn to (possibly living in a new area and not knowing others, not having friends who have kids, etc). The most active sections of the site I am referencing is dealing with behavioral issues and dealing with health issues. Issues that are very important and very valuable to someone seeking help. I disagree with the first part of your statement in that I know many online communities where people are a community, good and bad, where the focus is positive. But let's say I give you that point...for arguments sake, then, um.. why are YOU here? I can't see anywhere that it says you are a BW or a OW/OM or even a FOW. So, then why would you seek out htis message board on a near daily basis?
Stephanie Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 LS needs to accommodate the doom and gloom too. I want to comment on the above suggestion. We're not trying to eliminate the "doom and gloom". If an AP comes here and has a "sad" story and wants help, that's certainly within the realm of what this forum is for. And anyone can post an answer on that thread. It's not just limited to other AP's, current or former, or however someone may want to define them. What we're stressing is civility, respect and staying on topic. Although infidelity is difficult, what we're asking of the members who participate in the related forums is not. We're not trying to eliminate anything but behavior that isn't in compliance with the guidelines. The end result of that is that APs who are happy in their relationships feel safe to post now. It's time as that has been a subject of derision for a long time. If there wasn't space here for that, this forum would be titled differently . Now, I started to delete and edit some of these posts because they did veer from the original topic of the thread. But they are relevant and I think this discussion can be healthy for all involved. I'm going to let it continue on its current path with a gentle reminder that the discussion shall remain civil and respectful. Thanks
trinity1 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 People mainly seek out online communities when they are sad, upset, looking for advice or help. There are very few communities that are all about positive happy things. There is no need to visit a website daily if life is going great, if everything is wonderful and you have no need for advice or support. The parenting site I am on is about questions, issues, etc for parents raising kids. There certainly are happy moments posted, but the site wasn't built on people wanting to express how great their kids are; it was built on the need for advice and not having anyone in real life to turn to (possibly living in a new area and not knowing others, not having friends who have kids, etc). The most active sections of the site I am referencing is dealing with behavioral issues and dealing with health issues. Issues that are very important and very valuable to someone seeking help. Again, you can be happy with the man you have, but not happy that it is an affair. In what world is any relationship perfect? In what world does any man not have a flaw? The way I see it is that Neo has a problem. A problem of dysfunctionality. He has a need to stay married when he would be better off getting a divorce. He is addicted to fulfilling his duties, to being the good guy. That is his one major flaw. Others drink, gamble, work too much, are self-absorbed, messy, uncaring, you name it. There's always something. Neo is close to perfect in all ways except this one. I can take a man having one major flaw, but I appreciate talking to others who also have men like that because that makes that flaw easier to endure so I can enjoy the rest of the wonderful him and the wonderful relationship we have. I know what I have and I'm not letting it go. It is too close to perfect to not be happy about it. Not in a million years did I dream of finding a man that fits me as well as Neo does. I'm one lucky girl! 1
trinity1 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I don't think an A is just a label... even so, labels aren't always meaningless...labels often explain what things are. An affair isn't simply a label, it usually gives a big clue to the parameters of the relationship. What you and trinity say though, is for me the crux, the settling. People hate the word settling, as they associate it with some extreme caricature of desperation, yet settling is simply taking something else over and against something you'd much rather have. Which is what you've both conceded, that you don't want As, but an A is all this particular person can provide, so you find other things to be happy about and ignore that aspect. For me, I guess I believe no one is that great that I must have an A with them and if I'm so great why don't they try everything in their power to make it more if they know it is not all that I desire? See my post above. I think posters should be very careful as to not project their sense of settling onto someone else. What for you, MissBee, would be settling may for me be getting more than I ever dreamed of. It's all about perspective. Glass half-full or glass half-empty. And in my case my glass is close to full. It depends on the importance you put on it being an EMR. You can focus on the relationship being an EMR. You can obsess about it being an EMR. Or you can accept that as being a flaw of your relationship that you make sure has as little impact as possible. It's all about your own mindset. That's where you have the power to choose to stay in the EMR and be happy without settling. Making an active choice that this is the relationship I want. It could be even better, but as I said what relationship couldn't. 1
MissBee Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 (edited) See my post above. I think posters should be very careful as to not project their sense of settling onto someone else. What for you, MissBee, would be settling may for me be getting more than I ever dreamed of. It's all about perspective. Glass half-full or glass half-empty. And in my case my glass is close to full. It depends on the importance you put on it being an EMR. You can focus on the relationship being an EMR. You can obsess about it being an EMR. Or you can accept that as being a flaw of your relationship that you make sure has as little impact as possible. It's all about your own mindset. That's where you have the power to choose to stay in the EMR and be happy without settling. Making an active choice that this is the relationship I want. It could be even better, but as I said what relationship couldn't. Trinity, you're the one who said you wished it wasn't an A but you decided to accept what you cannot change. I have not projected...that is the definition of settling. It is: "To accept in spite of incomplete satisfaction". One cannot simultaneously wish their relationship was not an A, and also be completely satisfied with it. As I said, I think a lot of people react negatively to the term settling, because they make it out to be something that looks like the extreme pit of desperation, when in reality, it is simply accepting a situation whether grudgingly or not, that you did not truly want and if you had it your way would change. It's not a pejorative term, it's just what it means. I have not projected something you did not say...what you explained describes this meaning of settling - not wanting it to be an A, but since it is, you've decided to look at the glass as half full. No one is going to look at a glass half full frankly, if it wasn't settling. When you have to choose the next best or something you didn't fully want, that's when you have to "look on the bright side" and find redeeming aspects...as if it is all you want, the glass would simply be FULL. You wouldn't need any contortion of perspective. You're right, for me it would feel like settling and would be a red flag to be with a man who is married to another person, where we have a secret relationship and where although I don't completely want that situation, he won't change the status quo, so I have to accept it on his terms. Yes, it would be hard for me to see him as my Prince Charming personally. That would fall into the red flag box for me and not the flaw box. My idea of flaws are different I agree. Cheating on another person to be with me is not a simple flaw to dust around for me...but a honking red flag. Flaws are annoying quirks in my eyes and not entire situations that color our relationship. I have a list of non-negotiablse and negotiables...being married and cheating is in the non-negotiable box for me personally, and no other quality can make up for that in my book as it is not something I am willing to bend on. Mind you...if you're happy, I'm happy for you. It is not my choice or preference and I find a lot of it problematic, that's the truth. But, I have no intention or belief that you are going to be talked into seeing your relationship as less than what you think it is. So I'm just discussing and giving my 2 cents on how some of it reads to me from my purview Edited May 17, 2012 by MissBee
stillwater Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 It depends on the importance you put on it being an EMR. You can focus on the relationship being an EMR. You can obsess about it being an EMR. Or you can accept that as being a flaw of your relationship that you make sure has as little impact as possible. It's all about your own mindset. That's where you have the power to choose to stay in the EMR and be happy without settling. Making an active choice that this is the relationship I want. It could be even better, but as I said what relationship couldn't. It depends on the importance you put on being physically abused. You can focus on the relationship being abusive. You can obsess about it being abusive. Or you can accept that being beaten is a flaw of your relationship that you make sure has as little impact as possible. It's all about your own mindset. That's where you have the power to choose to stay in the abusive relationship and be happy without settling. Making an active choice that this is the relationship I want. It could be even better, but as I said what relationship couldn't. Ok that's hyperbole, but my point is that some things are deal-breakers and not mere flaws that can be worked around. I think most people would consider "he's married" to fall into the former category. But if you don't, rock on. Seriously. It's not my cup of tea, but if it's what you want, good on you. 1
woinlove Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 (edited) LS needs to accommodate the doom and gloom too. I want to comment on the above suggestion. We're not trying to eliminate the "doom and gloom". If an AP comes here and has a "sad" story and wants help, that's certainly within the realm of what this forum is for. And anyone can post an answer on that thread. It's not just limited to other AP's, current or former, or however someone may want to define them. What we're stressing is civility, respect and staying on topic. Although infidelity is difficult, what we're asking of the members who participate in the related forums is not. We're not trying to eliminate anything but behavior that isn't in compliance with the guidelines. The end result of that is that APs who are happy in their relationships feel safe to post now. It's time as that has been a subject of derision for a long time. If there wasn't space here for that, this forum would be titled differently . Now, I started to delete and edit some of these posts because they did veer from the original topic of the thread. But they are relevant and I think this discussion can be healthy for all involved. I'm going to let it continue on its current path with a gentle reminder that the discussion shall remain civil and respectful. Thanks Delete this post if it is inappropriate, but I think it is important that we understand what is allowed and what is not allowed. Was the OP's other post deleted because it was redundant or because it was considered rude? The other post more directly implied that OW should not post doom and gloom, they should just leave the A, while this thread's OP is more indirect. But, isn't it the message that might make a sad OW feel unwelcome, not how direct the words are? Sometimes, indirect words can make the vulnerable feel even worse, because they see how the message applies to them, but others might argue it wasn't meant that way. When one is blunt and direct, there is not that ambiguity and at least everyone knows what is being said. Moderator note: Contact with moderators about guidelines and 'what is allowed and what is not allowed' is to be done privately. First, read the sticky thread at the top of this forum, as well as the announcement that says 'read this first'. Then, if you have any questions, PM the moderation staff. There will be no further discussion of moderation publicly. It is off-topic to this thread, and any thread, and is disallowed by the guidelines. Each time I search the forums for the word 'moderator' or 'moderation' or my name or Stephanie's name, the poster who uses those words will get a five point infraction. They can still post so no harm will be done other than education, which I'll be happy to do. Carry on. Edited May 17, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
trinity1 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Trinity, you're the one who said you wished it wasn't an A but you decided to accept what you cannot change. I have not projected...that is the definition of settling. It is: "To accept in spite of incomplete satisfaction". One cannot simultaneously wish their relationship was not an A, and also be completely satisfied with it. I believe you have confused the verb "settle" with the verbal phrase "settle for": Phrasal Verbs: settle for To accept in spite of incomplete satisfaction: had to settle for a lower wage than the one requested. settle - definition of settle by the Free Online Dictionary, Thesaurus and Encyclopedia. I have made an active choice to be in a relationship with Neo. I have not settled for a relationship with him. A relationship with him is what I want. Do I wish certain parameters of that relationship were different? Yes, I do. Does that mean I settled for less than I wanted? Not being in a relationship with Neo would definitely be less than I wanted. So accepting that the two choices I had, ending it or accepting our relationship being an EMR for now, is to me accepting reality rather than settling. I only have daughters. I wanted sons. Did I settle by accepting that I got no sons? Or do I enjoy my daughters? Or do I give away my third daughter because she was not a boy? This kind of reasoning is ridiculous, but it shows to me what it is about. Neo is the important factor here, not the character of the relationship. To you the character of the relationship holds great weight, to me the person I'm having the relationship with does. Different perspectives. I wouldn't settle for a life without Neo. That to me would be settling.
MissBee Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 It depends on the importance you put on being physically abused. You can focus on the relationship being abusive. You can obsess about it being abusive. Or you can accept that being beaten is a flaw of your relationship that you make sure has as little impact as possible. It's all about your own mindset. That's where you have the power to choose to stay in the abusive relationship and be happy without settling. Making an active choice that this is the relationship I want. It could be even better, but as I said what relationship couldn't. Ok that's hyperbole, but my point is that some things are deal-breakers and not mere flaws that can be worked around. I think most people would consider "he's married" to fall into the former category. But if you don't, rock on. Seriously. It's not my cup of tea, but if it's what you want, good on you. Stillwater, lately you have been taking things right out of my mind and saying what I mean to say! I was actually going to use that as an example, from real life, a friend of mine does this with her abusive relationship. I do think it can be a dangerous mentality, where you pretty much talk yourself into accepting anything as A-ok, so long as you justify it just-so. This is a feature of settling...where you accept your supposed "lot" (except in the case of an A, it is not some fate you have been forced into) and because your lot is unchangeable you choose to just see it as half full. The scariest part of the mentality is the rhetoric that this is something you must accept....the belief that this person/situation is the best you will ever have so you better hold on for dear life. Worst yet, as women, so many other women tell their girlfriends, daughters and sisters this re. relationships. That is, having ANY man, is better than none at all. That is a place I cannot be in. I can't ever believe any man is my last chance. I have to believe I am worth all that and a bag of chips and that the Universe is abundant where I can get all that I desire in a partner without having to share him, be a secret or squint and see it as half full and without praying to simply accept what I cannot change. I think that is completely inappropriate and out of context to As frankly, but praying for acceptance usually has to do with real things you can't change, and not situations you put yourself in and consciously choose over and over daily.
trinity1 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Ok that's hyperbole, but my point is that some things are deal-breakers and not mere flaws that can be worked around. I think most people would consider "he's married" to fall into the former category. But if you don't, rock on. Seriously. It's not my cup of tea, but if it's what you want, good on you. Thank you. I'm inspired by my time in Al-Anon, being the common-law spouse of an alcoholic. Al-Anon teaches that alcoholism is not a reason to end a relationship unless you want it to be. You can make an active choice to live with an alcoholic and focus on your life and your happiness instead of obsessing about your spouse's alcoholism. I put "wanting to do the right thing" in the same category as alcoholism. Neo is from a dysfunctional family, having siblings who are gamblers and drug addicts or have struggled with other dysfunctional behaviorial patterns. Neo chose to be the good guy. All are survival techniques of children from dysfunctional families. It's just harder to realize that being "the good guy" is a bad thing.
MissBee Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 (edited) I believe you have confused the verb "settle" with the verbal phrase "settle for": settle - definition of settle by the Free Online Dictionary, Thesaurus and Encyclopedia. I have made an active choice to be in a relationship with Neo. I have not settled for a relationship with him. A relationship with him is what I want. Do I wish certain parameters of that relationship were different? Yes, I do. Does that mean I settled for less than I wanted? Not being in a relationship with Neo would definitely be less than I wanted. So accepting that the two choices I had, ending it or accepting our relationship being an EMR for now, is to me accepting reality rather than settling. I only have daughters. I wanted sons. Did I settle by accepting that I got no sons? Or do I enjoy my daughters? Or do I give away my third daughter because she was not a boy? This kind of reasoning is ridiculous, but it shows to me what it is about. Neo is the important factor here, not the character of the relationship. To you the character of the relationship holds great weight, to me the person I'm having the relationship with does. Different perspectives. I wouldn't settle for a life without Neo. That to me would be settling. Trinity, I am not confused. In common parlance, the short form of saying settling for, is simply saying settling. They are used interchangeably, hence when you look up settling, you find the other definition right under it. What is your definition of settling then? Since even what you said now still means the same thing to me...which boils down to, accepting a situation that is not entirely what you want. That is all settling means...unless you have a definition that means something else? You can't choose the sex of your kids Trinity....therefore no one can settle with their kids. Settling is only in reference to things you have a choice about. Edited May 17, 2012 by MissBee
trinity1 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 The scariest part of the mentality is the rhetoric that this is something you must accept....the belief that this person/situation is the best you will ever have so you better hold on for dear life. Worst yet, as women, so many other women tell their girlfriends, daughters and sisters this re. relationships. That is, having ANY man, is better than none at all. That is a place I cannot be in. I can't ever believe any man is my last chance. I have to believe I am worth all that and a bag of chips and that the Universe is abundant where I can get all that I desire in a partner without having to share him, be a secret or squint and see it as half full and without praying to simply accept what I cannot change. I think that is completely inappropriate and out of context to As frankly, but praying for acceptance usually has to do with real things you can't change, and not situations you put yourself in and consciously choose over and over daily. I agree with the bolded. Which is why I choose to be with Neo. He is my choice above all men in this world.
MissBee Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I agree with the bolded. Which is why I choose to be with Neo. He is my choice above all men in this world. Do you think he feels the same, that is, you are his choice above all other women in the world?
trinity1 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Trinity, I am not confused. In common parlance, the short form of saying settling for, is simply saying settling. They are used interchangeably, hence when you look up settling, you find the other definition right under it. What is your definition of settling then? Since even what you said now still means the same thing to me...which boils down to, accepting a situation that is not entirely what you want. That is all settling means...unless you have a definition that means something else? You can't choose the sex of your kids Trinity....therefore no one can settle with their kids. Settling is only in reference to things you have a choice about. And I can't choose whether Neo is married or not. You still do not see the difference in perspective. I'm choosing Neo. You are choosing relationship.
trinity1 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Do you think he feels the same, that is, you are his choice above all other women in the world? I don't only think. I know.
Recommended Posts