Where do you guys draw the line with your friendship with your friends spouse?

[SteveC80]

Just asking because me and friend of mines wife are starting to become a lot more friendly then we have,we always got along ok but not great but after i came off of a horrible marriage shes been much more friendly to me

 

Lately weve been exchanging emails alot because all of us are getting a summer home so weve been talking a lot through there and and she wants me to run a small race with her soon which i said yes

 

Im kind of old school in that i feel weird to hang out with a friend of mines wife when hes not there,not saying anythings gonna happen at all i just never really liked doing it

 

Wondering where other people draw their lines or if they dont

[bean1]

I do not have any communication with my friend's spouses without them being present or if it's VERY relevant (ie. a surprise party).

 

Your situation describes how many affairs begin. A lot of women will never leave their husbands until they have another prospect available. Your gut instinct is telling you this isn't okay, listen to it

[SteveC80]

I do not have any communication with my friend's spouses without them being present or if it's VERY relevant (ie. a surprise party).

 

Your situation describes how many affairs begin. A lot of women will never leave their husbands until they have another prospect available. Your gut instinct is telling you this isn't okay, listen to it

 

She did tell me how handsome iam the day she found out i was chtaed on and how id find somebody great:p but in all seriousness shes happily married its not even about i think somethigns gonna happen or anything i just personally feel weird no matter who it is

[ThaWholigan]

I am the same. I never hang out with my friends girlfriends when my friend isn't around, nor do I engage in conversation with them unless they have initiated it, upon which I keep it as neutral as possible.

 

If it's a female friend's boyfriend/girlfriend, I have no problems however, for obvious reasons .

[Ruby Slippers]

I sometimes happen to spend some time with the boyfriends/husbands of female friends, because I'm good friends with both of them, and it's never a problem. But these are long-time friends with a lot of trust. They trust the guy and me, and know that we'd never cross any lines.

[chphan]

anything i just personally feel weird no matter who it is

 

 

There you go. You just answer your own question. If you are smart you should listen to yourself without having strangers on a message board tell you the same thing.

[PJKino]

I sometimes happen to spend some time with the boyfriends/husbands of female friends, because I'm good friends with both of them, and it's never a problem. But these are long-time friends with a lot of trust. They trust the guy and me, and know that we'd never cross any lines.

 

Yeah while i would still feel a little uneasy hanging out by myself with my friends wives we do have a great brother sister relationship and text a lot about whats going on in our lives. On the surface the op's story doesnt sound horrible but the fact they just started become close would raise a red flag with me

 

But i dont know the wifes personality should could really just want to help and be outgoing and friendly doesnt mean shes up to something with op

 

My friends wife im real close with is really outgoing and friendly with people men and women and she always meets new friends but she would never do anyhting to hurt her husband in a million years so every situation is different

[Woggle]

This is an affair waiting to happen. Also how could you do this to your friend? Where is the loyalty?

[SteveC80]

This is an affair waiting to happen. Also how could you do this to your friend? Where is the loyalty?

 

Where running a small marathon not going to dinner together

 

she asked me in front of her husband if she had bad intentions shed probably be a little more discreet about it

[chphan]

Where running a small marathon not going to dinner together

 

she asked me in front of her husband if she had bad intentions shed probably be a little more discreet about it

 

I think everyone is saying that even if there's no bad intentions something bad can develop from it. I mean seriously its not like affairs start right with an intent to have an affair right away. Usually affairs start off with good intent in mind.

 

You, yourself, say you feel uneasy on it. Do you want us to say something different?

[SteveC80]

I think everyone is saying that even if there's no bad intentions something bad can develop from it. I mean seriously its not like affairs start right with an intent to have an affair right away. Usually affairs start off with good intent in mind.

 

You, yourself, say you feel uneasy on it. Do you want us to say something different?

 

I only feel uneasy because of my own etiquette of it not because i think somethings gonna happen

 

It's not like were gonna be holding hands throghout the race maybe talk a few minutes after it the most and leave

[PJKino]

I only feel uneasy because of my own etiquette of it not because i think somethings gonna happen

 

It's not like were gonna be holding hands throghout the race maybe talk a few minutes after it the most and leave

 

Women can catch feelings rather quickly dude married or not all it takes is one weak moment in her relatoinship and shell be thinking of the new connection you guys have

[Mme. Chaucer]

Running a marathon together is fine. I hope her husband will be there cheering both of you on. Continuing with the emails - not.

[SteveC80]

Running a marathon together is fine. I hope her husband will be there cheering both of you on. Continuing with the emails - not.

 

 

Her husband might not be able to make it but i dont see the big deal its not like where gonna be holding hands

 

The emailing is about a summer home were trying to get and new info, at times we just bull**** about whats going on its no different then texting,i dont know why some people see it as a potential torrid love affair

[maybealone]

i dont know why some people see it as a potential torrid love affair

 

I don't either. I mean, I understand it potentially could happen. But I hang around with a couple of friends' husbands -- sometimes without my friends -- and I can tell you with 100% certainty that they both know me well enough to know they would never, ever want to be in any kind of a relationship with me. :-)

 

I know what you mean about etiquette, though. I almost passed up a great opportunity once because I would be working on a project with all men and I wasn't sure that was right. But over time I have mellowed, and gotten some pretty good instincts. I think I would know if something ever was going in the wrong direction and would know to nip it in the bud.

[PJKino]

I agree with Steve in that i dont think you can automatically say this could lead to something,if you love your partner enough you arent gonna let a friendship with the opposite sex develop into something it shouldnt.

 

If thats the case and any connection with the opposite sex has a potential for you to lead to bad places chances are your eventually gonna cheat at someplace like work where you form bonds and frinedship with the opposite sex all time

[Content]

Do what you feel, i dont know if theryes a right or wrong answer really

 

She might just want to be friendly or maybe shes always had eyes for you only she knows

[irc333]

There's this one woman, married, apparently happily, lives out in the country, and had requested a carpool to a big boating event/party among friends, social gathering that might involve some drinking, too.

 

SHe said she's looking for someone to carpool with, and the husband isn't coming. Friend of mine that knows her family rather well, is saying she just has that husband that spends most of his time outdoors at work, and isn't much into water related activities in the hot sun. Plus he had pervious skin cancers removed, and doesn't want to have to with that again.

 

I find it odd that she might be carpooling with me and my friend to an event that has a good amount of drinking, because some people might be staying over night.

 

I just think it's one of those events that is more of a "couples" event IF you have a spouse or girlfriend. An all day event actually, just find that a bit odd. Guess he trusts her enough to do that alone.

[Joaquin]

I have an absolute block on these sorts of things.

 

The only time I hear from my mates wife is if we are at a football match or out and he has no phone battery. I pass him the phone and he replies. I never text her, I have no reason to.

 

It's a question of why do it. It's his wife not yours.

[SteveC80]

I have an absolute block on these sorts of things.

 

The only time I hear from my mates wife is if we are at a football match or out and he has no phone battery. I pass him the phone and he replies. I never text her, I have no reason to.

 

It's a question of why do it. It's his wife not yours.

 

Were running the same race we arent gonna be talking or holding hands while running

[Joaquin]

It's just an unnecessary thing be at and you never know how stuff can be taken up.In my opinion of course.

[GorillaTheater]

Were running the same race we arent gonna be talking or holding hands while running

 

Yeah, I get it. No holding hands or swapping spit or hiding the salami. No doubt.

 

But yet here you are, starting a thread about it and "feeling weird" about it.

 

Listen to your gut. Understand that you may be weaker than you think. I think all too often a "bad choice" is more like a continuum of bad choices, and they all start somewhere.

[SteveC80]

Yeah, I get it. No holding hands or swapping spit or hiding the salami. No doubt.

 

But yet here you are, starting a thread about it and "feeling weird" about it.

 

Listen to your gut. Understand that you may be weaker than you think. I think all too often a "bad choice" is more like a continuum of bad choices, and they all start somewhere.

 

I feel weird because its etiquette that i usually dotn hang out with my friends spouses alone out of respect not because i think something could ever happen

 

its a race its not like were gonna be hanging out the whole time

[GorillaTheater]

I feel weird because its etiquette that i usually dotn hang out with my friends spouses alone out of respect not because i think something could ever happen

 

its a race its not like were gonna be hanging out the whole time

 

Okay, fair enough, and I appreciate you avoiding these situations out of respect. Hell, I won't even set foot in friends' houses if their wives are there alone, not because I don't trust myself not to rape them sideways given half the opportunity (and if you'll pardon the triple negative), but because that's the way I was raised.

 

But still, it might be a good opportunity to explore the boundaries you impose on yourself and beef them up if necessary.

[make me believe]

Why are you emailing his wife about summer houses and random chitchat? Why don't you email your friend about it instead??

 

Really, most types of emailing, texting, calling, etc is crossing the line IMO. I would never do that with a friend's husband, and I would find it REALLY strange if one of them started emailing me just to chat. I've known my best friend's boyfriend for over 7 years and I think he's a cool guy, but I definitely don't spend one-on-one time with him or text him or anything like that.