I need hlp, ...

[John316C]

I met a girl on a social anxiety forum on the internet. We both have SA, but I've had a much much more hard time than most people with SA. First just a little background. When I was younger I was severely scorned and abused by my parents. It was so bad I cried myself to sleep almost everyday and had nightmares almost everyday where I would wake up crying. Anyways FF to my life now and Im extremly good looking and intelligent but Im still sensative/desensatized somewhat but I have no social skills only polite charm. Im a cool looking guy but not actually "cool".

After I started talking to her on MSN Messenger for 2 months we exchanged pictures and she really liked me. I took it ez during that time because I had no expectations of anything. I didnt want to be disliked anymore for not being able to handle small talk. So I had long conversations with her but I was taking it really ez. She kept talking with me. Im 26. She finally told me her age: 17. And she likes me obviously. No harm. Later she gets more serious and I think why not. I dont have anyone else. And she finally gives me her picture and shes very beautiful. We talk since September till now, many nights out of the week from 9 till 3 in the morning. Im not a funny guy FYI ( I do laugh a lot to comedy like Borat/Sandler, but I dont have the social skills to think it up myself). There are sometimes when we cant talk because of not having a computer available and Its hard to speak into the phone (one of my debilitating problems from childhood.. but FYI people thought I was a pretty cool guy in my highschool I just wasnt social very much). During Christmas thats one of the times and when I fix everything back its been almost a month and I guess we lost our momentum. During this time I forget about being ez and Ive been pretty alone so I kinda come off as maybe.. needy. But I also start emphasizing our romantic ideas we've been talking about. I just get more needy I cant help it. She tell me its a bit scary but its fine and I try to eez myself out. I guess the time away from here triggered my extreme neediness because the feeling inside of me when I was not expecting and cool just went from bad to worse. We kept talking a lot but she started distancing more and more. But we would continue to talk. I tried to fix the problem but the evolving idea of me stayed in her mind. I get that way because I had really bad abandonment fears when I was younger. I try to keep my worries in control. It doesnt show unless I communicate. Anyways I dont know how to get us back to the place we were before so I try to be more personal with her and it works but it also turns her on and next comes the dirty talk. Thats seems to solidify our relationship pretty well and since I dont know enough this is all I can come up with. This also brings us together in a more personal non sexual way. It brings us much closer in terms on wanting to be in a relationship with each other. Now we feel really close to each other but I start having doubts becuase pictures dont always tell the truth etc... and I have to be firstly actually attracted to her in RL first to go ahead with everything else we've talked about. I want to be honest so I tell her nicely my concerns. It backfires and all the dreams go out the window so to speak. She says she doesnt know if it can be the same again. Now her doubts really start to surface and I dont know whats going on but we continue talking with bits here and there about having a relationship, a little sex talk, hows your day etc.. My doubts now start surfacing too again because I caused her to doubt.. Now its a more realistic pov with each other and I start asking questions about how she feels about our relationship etc.. She says she doesnt know now. She says she wants to but has her doubts (about having a relationship or liking me). She feels overwhelmed I guess and says she needs time to think. Anyways she feels a bit hostile to me but It doesnt look plain in sight so to speak. She calms down a bit and we both calm down and then there are some days when we can talk about something and others I dont feel like theres anything to say. She says shes just confused about her feelings and the more I give her a compliment the more depressed she gets. I try not to make my compliments overt to her more subtle but they're usually along the lines of: I think your a wonderful person, your a great drawer, I think your pretty. I know that that comes of as flakey? But I was just trying to make her feel better not suck up. Anyways her prom was coming up and it was last Saturday. Things were getting better, we were talking much more. Because of social anxiety she was afraid to go to prom but she went anyways and I was worried about her and the after-party... Before prom she asked me 2 days before to come on that day instead and pick her up for fun. But I couldnt travel so far in such short notice. So she went with her friends instead of a guy. What happened was she went with her friends to the after party and drank too much. She says she was kissing a guy for an hour and she didnt know what she was doing... and that she couldnt go home because she coudnlt walk. She says she thinks they didnt have sex because her pants were still on. She was in a ditch with a guy and she says he had his hand down her pants and up her shirt and he tried to have sex with her but she kept crawling away so he got the point... when i push further the next day.. she also claims he was sucking on her nipples.. but she cant remember much because she was too drunk and sometimes passed out. She says she slept at a friends the rest of the night. Im inclined to beleive the slept at the friends place because of something she mentioned the day before. But Ill find out myself just so I know Im not being played... She also says that she might have given him a bj but she cant remember.. She says she felt horrible and didnt know what she was doing. She says she was crying all day and talking with her mother and was at the hospital for a fertility/pregnancy test just incase with some pills. When she first said her day didnt go that well she seemed like she didnt want to talk about it and I had to prode it out of her .... she says she feels terrible.. i said i didnt give a crap about who her friends were of who the guy is she tells me people in the school like this guy cus hes nice or something :/ She said something like at least hes a nice guy. Just backtracking for a moment, she says to me she feels really sad when I dont talk to her... It came into my mind earlier today.... was I the cause? of this mess by being quiet when Im angry ( I cant think I need space to collect my thoughts) all the time she gets really depressed and at prom drinks a lot.. I feel its hard to trust her. Ive been planing to come in a month there to see her for the first time and we've talked about it since the beginning. When I read her text she seems very.. formal.. the way she describes what happened.. Also Its really hard to trust if she means what she says (too much to drink, didn't know what she was doing.) because shes been feeling confused about our relationship(not official but we've been talking about each other for a long time. This girl has only been kissed once before and at a highschool dance which is what she said early in the relationship. I dont know how to navigate this prob. FYI, im not funny looking with glasses guy or guy who doesnt have an edge. Im just normal intelligent person whos had a really hard upbringing. who needs some help. so please polite answers. thanks.. oh yeah.. she takes an anti-depressant..

 

any insight on her or what might have happened would be wonderful. i dont really know if the drinking excuse can actually be right because Ive only been that drunk once, and its not an interest of mine because its dangerous to the sprts i play;

advice on what I could do, or what might have gone down, what are the chances shes lying etc.. i dont have much in my life so this girl is very important to me. ive recovered incredibly since i started talking with her more than any therapy could probably ever do.!

Edited May 16, 2012 by John316C