Secretlove56 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 I've been seein this woman for about 5 months, we dated on Fridays for about three months before we started sleeping together. It's come to the point where I want to move forward with or without her. I'm not looking for a movie buddy or fwb. She says she wants marriage and kids and wants to fall in love. I am ready for more but dont know If she is so I sent her a message and wanted to m ow what you think.... I like what we have between us, *I'm at the point where i can say I like you and *can see this going somewhere. *I hope you feel the same, up to this point I've just assumed you have. *I dont like dating multiple women at the same time because its no fun when u mix up names and stuff, lol, i do want this and I don't want to waste my time or yours...Cant get into details in a text but...just wanted to be straight up...hope you have fantastic weather for you holiday! G'nite:) With that I think I should *just back off.... a little:).... I guess I'm not use to this distance thing we have going right now...I'm tired, lol, going to bed... Im not trying to pressure her or anything I just know what I want. Any advice would be greatly appreciated:) I'm 31 & she 38.
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 "I dont like dating multiple women at the same time because its no fun when u mix up names and stuff, lol, i do want this and I don't want to waste my time or yours" I'm not sure If you were just trying to play it cool or make it look like you have options but that was a weird way to go. Anyway, this should have been done in person or at least over the phone...not sure why you took the chicken route and sent her a text, very skittish/non-confrontational at least to me. It's been three months, you've got to able to have the confidence to say how you feel or what you're looking for at this point and communicate yourself properly. To me you come off nervous and apprehensive which means you're not sure how she feels and you're a little scared and want to tip-toe into confirming If the feelings are mutual...you should pretty much already have a sense for how she feels for when she's with you...does she seem into you? Do you feel like she is and say things that show long-term interest? You need to just be clear and direct with her, unless you've got the swagger to let her know through other methods that are effective...so just be clear and direct lol, but not all in her face either...just have a conversation about it..try romancing her a little bit too, doesn't mean you make it cut and dry. My advice, try harder to show her how you feel and put more effort overall, and have confidence and just do it instead of over-thinking it, that always means you pull the trigger way too late and by that time It can be a turn-off for a woman. Don't move at a snails pace IF you know what you want. 1
LittlePrince Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Any advice would be greatly appreciated:) I'm 31 & she 38. Never mention ages on LS especially in relation to an age gap relationship. The people on here are crazy. They devoted one recent thread to bashing a girl, her bf, and anything or anyone else they could over it.
Author Secretlove56 Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 Ya I know saying that in a text prob wasn't ideal. As u say if I hve the swagger to say it using other methods I should go that route. Last week we seen eachother twice & believe me I tried to relay the message without directly saying it. I get the feeling she is keeping me around for the time being. She said Friday well at least I have a movie buddy. To me that just seems she isn't all that interested. I'm kinda getting tired of the mixed signals. I'd like to think its not over & that she wants this like I do but until I hear back from her or see her I guesss I won't know, and If she doesn't do either then I guess I hve my answer.
Author Secretlove56 Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 Thanks for your advice, especially that last paragraph i totally know what you mean.
Author Secretlove56 Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 Good morning! I'm glad you like me, cuz i like you too! It IS looking really nice out today, so hopefully will stay that way :-) Have to head out soon so ttyl.. This is how she replied so I guess I won't be looking elsewhere:)
Pierre Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 I've been seein this woman for about 5 months, we dated on Fridays for about three months before we started sleeping together. It's come to the point where I want to move forward with or without her. I'm not looking for a movie buddy or fwb. She says she wants marriage and kids and wants to fall in love. I am ready for more but dont know If she is so I sent her a message and wanted to m ow what you think.... I like what we have between us, *I'm at the point where i can say I like you and *can see this going somewhere. *I hope you feel the same, up to this point I've just assumed you have. *I dont like dating multiple women at the same time because its no fun when u mix up names and stuff, lol, i do want this and I don't want to waste my time or yours...Cant get into details in a text but...just wanted to be straight up...hope you have fantastic weather for you holiday! G'nite:) With that I think I should *just back off.... a little:).... I guess I'm not use to this distance thing we have going right now...I'm tired, lol, going to bed... Im not trying to pressure her or anything I just know what I want. Any advice would be greatly appreciated:) I'm 31 & she 38. Your post suggests that you guys have sexual intimacy, but little emotional intimacy. That is why there is a disconnect. You said: I've just assumed you have. *I dont like dating multiple women at the same time because its no fun when u mix up names and stuff[/b], lol, i do want this and I don't want to waste my time or yours.Why are you f****ing other women and then tell her? Is she f****ing other dudes? BTW, she is too old for you.
Author Secretlove56 Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 I'm not ******** other women, I just said I dnt like dating multiple women, I'd rather focus on one & if it doesn't work, move on to the next.... I doubt she is too old for me....I wander what makes you say that.
FrustratedStandards Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Eek. I'll be honest and tell you straight up that whenever a man brings up relationships, feelings or "what are we" it's the biggest turn off in the world. The way I see it, if after 5 months it hasn't already turned into something, then it never will. Asking will only make you seem more yucky. I think you've been friendzoned. Think about it, she says she wants marriage and kids, but she isn't initiating a relationship with YOU that could lead to that. That's like a man telling me, "Yeah I want to fall in love and get married" and we have been seeing each other for 5 months. In other words, "I'm not in love with you and don't want to marry YOU, but when the right person comes along im down." 1
FrustratedStandards Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 BTW, she is too old for you. I'm surprised this is coming from you Pierre. There is only a 7 year difference, it's not that big.
Author Secretlove56 Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 Fair enough, then why would she respond by saying I like you too? Why keep seeing me and leading me on? As I said earlier, if I'm not feeling it then I'll walk away... I hate bringing this **** up...as u said...yucky ... Even though we are seein each other, and saying what she is...your saying I'm friendzoned even though she is saying what she is and we are sleeping together?
Author Secretlove56 Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 "I dont like dating multiple women at the same time because its no fun when u mix up names and stuff, lol, i do want this and I don't want to waste my time or yours" I'm not sure If you were just trying to play it cool or make it look like you have options but that was a weird way to go. Ya, i frigging concur. fkd. I've had it happen before so it is one of the reasons why I don't like to date around when I'm seeing someone. What I meant when I said that is, I DONT WANT TO SEE ANYONE ELSE AND NOT GETTING TO SEE YOU FOR TWO WEEKS IS DRIVING ME NUTS. I didn't really wanna say that so... Anyway, this should have been done in person or at least over the phone...not sure why you took the chicken route and sent her a text, very skittish/non-confrontational at least to me. She knows this is how I feel, It just sucks when you wanna spend time together but you don't get too because of various reasons. It's been three months, you've got to able to have the confidence to say how you feel or what you're looking for at this point and communicate yourself properly. Concur again. My trouble is like another poster said...."I'll be honest and tell you straight up that whenever a man brings up relationships, feelings or "what are we" it's the biggest turn off in the world." How do I do what your saying without coming across as "yucky" or needy etc? To me you come off nervous and apprehensive which means you're not sure how she feels and you're a little scared and want to tip-toe into confirming If the feelings are mutual...you should pretty much already have a sense for how she feels for when she's with you...does she seem into you? Do you feel like she is and say things that show long-term interest ? She does seem into me when we are together...she hasn't said much lately to show long term interest.... i' have only started questioning things lately... You need to just be clear and direct with her, unless you've got the swagger to let her know through other methods that are effective...so just be clear and direct lol, but not all in her face either...just have a conversation about it..try romancing her a little bit too, doesn't mean you make it cut and dry. This is classic...great paragraph...I really have tried the other methods the last couple times we were together. She has to have heard...thus your opening statement to me is all the more ??? as to why I even sent the text saying that chit.... I just feel that If I am giving my all to this that she should be...I'm not dating around...why should she? I know its my choice as it is hers but at this point you would think that if we are sleeping together, if we have chosen to continue seeing eachother week after week and talk week after week since January....that we wouldn't want the other seeing other people because we like one another and wouldn't want to lose the other person to someone else? isn't that why its called cheating? My advice, try harder to show her how you feel and put more effort overall, and have confidence and just do it instead of over-thinking it, that always means you pull the trigger way too late and by that time It can be a turn-off for a woman. Don't move at a snails pace IF you know what you want. could you give me an example with looking needy or un-confident with not moving at a snails pace IF I know what I want? I totally am confident but I way over think *hit all the time....its brutal...I definitely will try harder to show her how I feel and will put more effort overall. Thanks for your help.
FitChick Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 The feeling I get is that she is passing the time pleasantly with you until someone better comes along. A seven year age gap is nothing. If he were 21 and she 28, that gap would be bigger emotionally; at 41 and 48, it would be minimal and 51/58 nonexistent. However he sounds a bit immature and inexperienced at 31 so possibly their emotional gap is larger than for others.
mortensorchid Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Oh no ... COmmunication is the key to any good relationship, but what you did was not good with that comment about seeing mulitple women. You are saying that you like her but not enough to be with her exclusively, and no one likes hearing that. If you like her, if you care for her, if you get on, then you should continue to be with her. Things take time to build, it is not instantaneous. I see a lot of people out there who are afraid of taking a risk. Not just in love, but they are afraid of doing a lot of things. Doing something via text message or email is the chicken s*** way out. If you break it off this way, you will look like a coward. Be with her, don't hurt her. Unless it's a major red flag, then you have nothing to fear. ANd if it doesn't work, you will have learned something.
lynbetz Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 You two need to have a heart to heart. 5 months is a pretty long time and it's obvious that you really like her.
mesmerized Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Frustrated Standards made a comment that when anyone asks where he or she stands, it is a turn off. I disagree. I think the idea of communication in general is key to any relationship. The way he worded it was half assed that I agree, but the idea that he wanted to communicate and find out where he stood I find nothing wrong with that. Anyone who doesnt want to hear that either a) wants their ego stroked or b) is not serious about a relationship. Exclusivity is obtained through communication, preferably verbal. I agree. I actually wish more men brought it up so we both know where stand rather than me trying to figure it out by myself. Sometimes it's good to be on the clear side.
Author Secretlove56 Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 Oh no ... COmmunication is the key to any good relationship, but what you did was not good with that comment about seeing mulitple women. You are saying that you like her but not enough to be with her exclusively, and no one likes hearing that. If you like her, if you care for her, if you get on, then you should continue to be with her. Things take time to build, it is not instantaneous. I see a lot of people out there who are afraid of taking a risk. Not just in love, but they are afraid of doing a lot of things. Doing something via text message or email is the chicken s*** way out. If you break it off this way, you will look like a coward. Be with her, don't hurt her. Unless it's a major red flag, then you have nothing to fear. ANd if it doesn't work, you will have learned something. In regards to saying what I did about multiple women was me trying to convey that I am treating this like we are exclusive...I would never end it via email or text, I'm not a coward...
Author Secretlove56 Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 The feeling I get is that she is passing the time pleasantly with you until someone better comes along. A seven year age gap is nothing. If he were 21 and she 28, that gap would be bigger emotionally; at 41 and 48, it would be minimal and 51/58 nonexistent. However he sounds a bit immature and inexperienced at 31 so possibly their emotional gap is larger than for others. If that is the case i wish she would have the courage to come out and say that, so that I can then choose whether I want to be a stepping stone...
LittlePrince Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Knock her up and if she asks for an abortion tell her you won't pay for it since you don't believe in it. Won't be much of a stepping stone then.
Author Secretlove56 Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 I won't get to see her til next week, I'm thinking I should tell her when I text her this morning that what I meant by my Text the other day was that I am treAting this like we are together and that I am not and don't want to see anyone else.
Author Secretlove56 Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 And that If she isn't or doesn't see it happening in the future then we should probably just call it off....As much as I may not want it to end....as it takes two to tango...
Author Secretlove56 Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 I decided I'm just gonna wait til I see her next week....It's not something I'm gonna say over the phone...
mtber75 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Your are in your prime in your dating years while she's not...Double standard sucks but its the truth! You want to date some more and she's ready to settle down so you guys are at a different stage in life. So I think you should move on.
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