Pierre Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 You can't be pressured into something you already want. Women want sex, but they don't use the behaviors of men. They say No and sometimes it means YES, I agree. That is why women are fascinating. However sometimes NO means I am not sure. I rather be sure she wants sex than force the issue.
LittlePrince Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 women take it real slow when they are seeing a man with potential. Women don't do this. They are more likely to initiate or accept sexual advances if it is from a partner they truly desire. They instinctively know how competitive it is finding the most desirable male and know what can keep his attention at least for a little while. No sex causes a man to lose interest very quickly. Delaying sex screens out the losers. Delaying sex is what women do only to the losers. Delaying sex also makes the female a better catch to many men. Delaying sex makes the female seem like a better catch only to the losers.
SJC2008 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 women take it real slow when they are seeing a man with potential. Delaying sex screens out the losers. Delaying sex also makes the female a better catch to many men. Good general point, like always there always exceptions. We should come up with intervals like oil changes right?? 1 month: Respectable, I'm daing a woman who won't hop into the sack with just anyone. 2-3 months: Ideal, tells me she's serious about connecting with a man and is looking for a serious relationship. One second over 3 months: Not my type!!!
LittlePrince Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Women want sex, but they don't use the behaviors of men. They say No and sometimes it means YES, I agree. That is why women are fascinating. However sometimes NO means I am not sure. I rather be sure she wants sex than force the issue. All women know all men want sex. If a woman is with a man then she knows where he wants it to go. If she stays then she is ready for the resulting outcome of this association. There isn't any trick here. Women like to blame men so they don't need to deal with any of the social fallout and ramifications. This way their image stays minty fresh in their minds while everyone is calling her a whore behind her back mostly by other women.
Cypress25 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 1 month: Respectable, I'm daing a woman who won't hop into the sack with just anyone. 2-3 months: Ideal, tells me she's serious about connecting with a man and is looking for a serious relationship. One second over 3 months: Not my type!!! What if you fall madly in love with her within the first 3 months? Would you be willing to wait for her then? Seems kinda foolish to give up the potential love of your life just because you don't want to wait a few more months for sex. Damn, people are so impatient these days.
kaylan Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Lmao. Why am I not surprised that you arent getting my posts at all? Lets begin.Oh, I see. So anything less than intercourse doesn't count? How can you say that kissing and body caressing is not sexual? I can't imagine how you ever get to home base without rounding the other 3 bases first. Who said anything less than intercourse didnt count? What Im getting at is that 2nd base or less than second base is not indicator of any sexual acts to come. Hand play down south, oral and intercourse are whats considered sexual contact, correct? Im saying kissing and chest grabbing wont be really telling of whats to come. Plenty of men and women here have kissed someone and gone to 2nd base with someone they had no intention of doing anything further with. That was my whole point, that the guy OP dated possibly felt things werent going anywhere and that she wasnt interested. Its happened to many a guy that thing get hot and heavy witha girl, but no sex, only to later be rejected for a lack of chemistry. If you need a guarantee that the girl will have sex with you in the future, you're going to be disappointed. In the early stages of dating, there are no guarantees. You're supposed to let it progress naturally at a comfortable pace. The 4th date is too early to start making promises. She can't promise she'll have sex with you, just like you can't promise you'll commit to her. You need to learn to take it one step at a time. What are you talking about? Did you read my first post with any understanding? Its not about guarunteeing sex. Its about not wasting time on a girl who appears to not be that into be. Did you just skip over the part where I said I would be fine waiting and that she should have just avoided bringing the dude to her bed? Its about gauging her interest level...not me getting off. Women are notorious for this exact behavior that you admonish this dude for. If a chick doesnt get it in with a guy when she wants it, shell create a thread here and make all these assumptions. Hell plenty of chicks will keep it moving to the next guy because its a hit to their ego and they assume hes not that into them. Its not unreasonable for someone to feel a person isnt digging them that much if they have them in bed and nothing happens. Theyd assume phsyical chemistry is lacking. If you bring someone to your bed, its not unreasonable for them to think some form of sex would happen. Since youre talking about no gauruntees, then its very possible her clingy text about him and the bridesmaids added to his decision to bail. He wouldnt be wrong either. Actually, that is unreasonable. It's only the 4th date, that's too early to go past 2nd base. People are allowed to have boundaries, and that boundary is a perfectly reasonable one. If the woman wasn't that into you, she wouldn't be making out with you in the first place, and she certainly wouldn't be sleeping in the same bed with you. Those are signs that she's interested in you. And I think you know that. You just want to convince women that having sex is the only way to convey interest to a man; anything less than sex will leave the guy feeling rejected and confused. Come on, now. You're smarter than that, aren't you? Really? 4th date too early? maybe for you, but not for everyone. For plenty of people the 3rd date is enough to have sex. And hell for even more people, the 4th date is plenty to do a bunch of naughty things without actual intercourse. Depends on the people involved. People are allowed to have boundaries, but my first post wasnt complaining about boundaries. You didnt understand my post at all. My post was about a guy preventing himself from wasting his time on someone he feels he might have no chemistry with. Its not about getting it in right away...its a dude bailing because he feels the chick and him have no spark. Plenty of men and women have been in that situation. Like I said before, the only time Ive been in a girls bed, and things not move towards 3rd, was with a game playing chick who used me as a placeholder. Its not unreasonable for someone to feel chemistry is lacking if they are in bed with someone and nothing happens. Adults should know what bringing someone to your bed signifies. And you are wrong. Plenty of women and men have kissed people they didnt want to sleep with, and guys have been in situations(such as myself) where a chick will kiss you, and sleep in the same bed with you, but nothing ever happen. Some dudes here know how it feels to be used as a warm body substitute. So can you fault a dude for bailing if he feels the chick may not be into him? Hell, sex itself isnt even always a great sign of interest because a man or woman could have just wanted to get off that night even though they are hardly into you. So lets be real here. These things happen and most here will tell you that. So no, sex isnt always some grand show of interest, but it can be, especially when OP set that stage. Ill say it again...if I was the guy dating her, and we never went back to her place, Id still be dating her thinking she was into me. The fact that we went back to her place, and had nothing happen, would lead many people, man or woman(and especially women) to feel the other person is not that attracted or interested in them.
PhillyDude Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Rude and not worth your time... Agreed. That said: I have a rule: I don't spend a night in someone's bed unless I intend a wild passionate night of love making. I hate having to reject a guy when he's sporting a boner. I would deem myself rude for doing so. Well you can always kiss on his neck while he jerks off if you are not ready for sex
Pierre Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I have to say that all this waiting for sex only applies to young women looking fora meaningful long term relationship. It is also true that men see the sex as an act of being fully accepted so the female is performing a very delicate dance. Older recycled women are free to jump in the sac at any time.
kaylan Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 This is a very good post and perhaps you have a different social circle where men are respectful and not one track minded. However, in other strata men pressure women into sex right away. That is why we have teen pregnancies. Most of those girls are pressure into sex. Do you have stats that contain the reasons why teens fall pregnant? Because plenty end up pregnant because they dont use condoms properly(or at all) or because they sleep around. Its not something you can only pin on men. Thats Princes point I think
thatone Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 (edited) I have to say that all this waiting for sex only applies to young women looking fora meaningful long term relationship. It is also true that men see the sex as an act of being fully accepted so the female is performing a very delicate dance. Older recycled women are free to jump in the sac at any time. why? because younger women are delicate innocent flowers that must be protected from men and older women by virtue of not being your image of virgin beauty are all washed up and not worth caring about? this is how religious imagery has created generations upon generations of disturbed and damaged women, by teaching them that their vagina is their most valuable asset, and once it has been used that their value starts to decline, except for the purposes of giving you children. Edited May 17, 2012 by thatone 2
mortensorchid Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Hmmm ... Honestly, I'd just move on. It's hurtful, who knows his true reasons for not calling / texting / seeing you again, but it's time to move on. Don't sweat it or blame yourself for your actions that one night.
Imajerk17 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Well, here's the thing. Men and women both really want both sex and companionship (e.g., cuddling, dates, ect.) If the sex is missing, men feel used. If the companionship is missing, then women feel used. BUT we are only talking 4 dates here. Now getting back to the OP, I disagree with most of the guys on here. It's fine for me personally if a woman isn't ready for sex after 4 dates. I'll know if it is for "no chemistry" if she starts becoming unresponsive. (If I hear stories of her having sex with other guys after the first date, then it's a different story. If she's "holding it out" because she views me as relationship material, well, that doesn't work for me. So ladies, be very careful whom you have sex with because it can be used against you!) That they spent the night in the same bed doesn't change the way I see it much at all. I'm just having a tough time imagining being let into someone's bed when they weren't feeling chemistry for me. I HAVE been in the situation where I was in someone's bed for the first time and sex didn't happen (we only got to 2nd) once. And this was after a month of dating. It turned out fine. We had sex the next time and were in a relationship for two years. 1
Lexii94 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 he just wanted some....he got it, so he can move on with his merry life.
Imajerk17 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 That said, if you let a man into your bed, then you better believe that he is going to make a move. Part of it is his natural desires. Another is that if he does not, then the woman will conclude that he is either gay or not interested and there goes his chance. In fact, she will often be so mortified that she won't ever talk to him again.
Cypress25 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Who said anything less than intercourse didnt count? What Im getting at is that 2nd base or less than second base is not indicator of any sexual acts to come. Hand play down south, oral and intercourse are whats considered sexual contact, correct? Im saying kissing and chest grabbing wont be really telling of whats to come. I think kissing and chest grabbing still count as sexual contact. So what if that's not telling of what's to come? I don't understand why you need to know what may or may not happen on the next date. People don't usually tell each other what's going to happen next when they start dating. You just have to wait and see. What are you talking about? Did you read my first post with any understanding? Its not about guarunteeing sex. Its about not wasting time on a girl who appears to not be that into be. Did you just skip over the part where I said I would be fine waiting and that she should have just avoided bringing the dude to her bed? Its about gauging her interest level...not me getting off. Women are notorious for this exact behavior that you admonish this dude for. Kaylan, we need to discuss this bad habit of yours. Whenever someone disagrees with you, you accuse them of not reading your posts carefully. Try this: next time you respond to someone, leave out phrases like "Did you read my first post with any understanding?...Did you just skip over the part where I said..." Surely you can express your opinion without accusing people of not reading. I read your post. I just don't agree with it. Now, back to the point. It should be fairly easy to gauge a woman's interest level when you're in bed with her. Is she cringing? Is she turning away from you? Is she crying? If not, then she's probably enjoying what she's doing with you. As a woman, I can tell you that if she's not that into him, she won't even enjoy kissing him. You might think it's just kissing, it's not a big deal, it doesn't even count as sexual contact, but for women, it is a big deal and it does count. I once tried making out with a guy I wasn't attracted to. He was a dear friend and I loved his personality, and I thought maybe I could create chemistry with him. It lasted 10 seconds. Kissing him made me so uncomfortable, I just couldn't do it anymore. If a woman is kissing you with enthusiasm and letting you touch her body, that means she's into you. She wouldn't be doing it otherwise. If a chick doesnt get it in with a guy when she wants it, shell create a thread here and make all these assumptions. Hell plenty of chicks will keep it moving to the next guy because its a hit to their ego and they assume hes not that into them. Well, they shouldn't do that either. Damn, doesn't anyone talk to their partner anymore? Why would you make assumptions instead of having a conversation? Its not unreasonable for someone to feel a person isnt digging them that much if they have them in bed and nothing happens. Theyd assume phsyical chemistry is lacking. I still can't get over it when you say "...and nothing happens." To me, kissing is not nothing. Letting a guy touch my body is not nothing. Maybe it's nothing to you, but I think most women consider it a very big something. If I'm making out with a guy, and he's touching things, and I'm touching things, how could he possibly think physical chemistry is lacking? If you bring someone to your bed, its not unreasonable for them to think some form of sex would happen. Umm...I've shared a bed with a guy without having sex many times. What are we supposed to do, make out on the couch? I mean, I've done that too, but only because we were watching a movie and decided we'd rather make out instead. It's just more comfortable to make out on the bed. It's kind of stupid to say the bed is off-limits unless you're going to have sex. I don't know why bed = sex to you, but you need to get over it. Really? 4th date too early? maybe for you, but not for everyone. For plenty of people the 3rd date is enough to have sex. And hell for even more people, the 4th date is plenty to do a bunch of naughty things without actual intercourse. Depends on the people involved. That's what I'm saying. For many people, the 4th date is too early for sex. Doesn't mean she's not into you, doesn't mean she's using you, it just means she is not emotionally ready to have sex with someone she barely knows. It's possible that she's ready to make out with you in bed, but not yet ready to have sex. Sounds normal to me. People are allowed to have boundaries, but my first post wasnt complaining about boundaries. You didnt understand my post at all. My post was about a guy preventing himself from wasting his time on someone he feels he might have no chemistry with. Its not about getting it in right away...its a dude bailing because he feels the chick and him have no spark. So they're having a hot make-out session that includes touching of sensitive body parts, and he thinks there's no chemistry, no spark? How could he possibly think that? Plenty of men and women have been in that situation. Like I said before, the only time Ive been in a girls bed, and things not move towards 3rd, was with a game playing chick who used me as a placeholder. Its not unreasonable for someone to feel chemistry is lacking if they are in bed with someone and nothing happens. Adults should know what bringing someone to your bed signifies. Please stop saying "nothing happens." Kissing and fondling is not nothing. Just because you think it doesn't count doesn't mean everyone does. I would be very insulted if I engaged in a half-naked make-out session with a guy and he considered that "nothing." And your one bad experience is not representative of the rest of the world. I think most couples do stuff in bed before they progress to sex. I've never heard of anyone keeping their bed strictly reserved for sex. Never in my life has a guy expected me to have sex with him just because we were in bed. A bed is just a piece of furniture, I don't know why you're attaching so much importance to it. You say you'd be willing to wait a little while for sex, but not if you're in her bed?! If you're in bed and sex doesn't happen, you think she's not into you, but if you're on the couch and sex doesn't happen, that's fine with you? It's just a bed, man. It doesn't mean anything. So no, sex isnt always some grand show of interest, but it can be, especially when OP set that stage. Ill say it again...if I was the guy dating her, and we never went back to her place, Id still be dating her thinking she was into me. The fact that we went back to her place, and had nothing happen, would lead many people, man or woman(and especially women) to feel the other person is not that attracted or interested in them. Except they went back to her place, and stuff did happen. Just because it wasn't sex doesn't mean it was nothing. Do the girls you date know how you feel about kissing and erotic touching? Do they know that you consider it "nothing"? I think they'd be pissed if they knew that. Because it's something to them, trust me on that.
Emilia Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 why? because younger women are delicate innocent flowers that must be protected from men and older women by virtue of not being your image of virgin beauty are all washed up and not worth caring about? this is how religious imagery has created generations upon generations of disturbed and damaged women, by teaching them that their vagina is their most valuable asset, and once it has been used that their value starts to decline, except for the purposes of giving you children. This is a very good post, especially after Pierre used the word 'recycled'. With all fairness to Pierre, I think I read in his previous posts that he credited older women with more experience, resilience and a better ability to choose a partner but your point is still very valid!
RedRobin Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 (edited) This is a very good post, especially after Pierre used the word 'recycled'. With all fairness to Pierre, I think I read in his previous posts that he credited older women with more experience, resilience and a better ability to choose a partner but your point is still very valid! Yea, that was the first time I've witnessed Pierre making disparaging remarks on 'older' women. Perhaps Pierre is starting to feel his age and doing a bit of projection? Feeling a little sad or angry about his divorce? I get that way sometimes myself. When I see my family members and friends happily growing through life together. Of course, I could be wrong. He could have been harboring those other thoughts about older women all along... and THAT is why he is divorced. Hey, it's the internet... one never knows. But I'd rather think the former... so I'll say, It's ok Pierre... We know you are recycled too. Big hug... ...but back on topic.... OP, When someone disappears like that, it is best to try not to attribute motivations if you wish to stay sane in the dating world. It is unfortunate that he chose not to give you SOME indication of why he chose not to contact again... Some people don't have the best manners. Regarding the other sentiments... every person has their own pace. I'm not about to fling p*ssy at anyone on the 'hope' that willl keep them around. Seriously. The question then becomes... what ELSE would the woman be willing to fling at a man to get him to stick around. It is the sign of an unhealthy and unbalanced person to do that. Everyone is challenged in dating to be their most authentic self. To be honest and straightforward with their feelings and needs. If the guy was unsure of your interest for some reason... or upset about your evening... he could have talked to you and said so. It isn't that hard. My guess is that he was just one of those 3 dates or out kinda guys. Not really looking for a relationship.... Just some sexy time that may or may not go anywhere. Which is fine, if that is what you are looking for. But since you aren't, and the guy can't communicate, then good riddance. oh, and don't be taking his calls when things fizzle out in a few months with another sexy-time friend. I've seen that happen too. This guy doesn't deserve your time, IMHO. Edited May 18, 2012 by RedRobin
soserious1 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Look at it this way, if all the guy was after was sex, he'd have pulled the disappearing act anyway even if you'd gone all the way with him on the 4th date. You dodged a bullet here.
Leigh 87 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Kamille is spot on: if a guy is into you, he will not mind waiting for sex, or, on the other hand, having sex too soon will not turn them off. It is possible that some guys would think your not into THEM ; the fact you did not sleep with them. However, if this is the case, the guy is EXTREMELY immature, and NOT very good at dealing with people. If he thought you were not that into him, he should have been direct and asked you " look, I like you, but your refusal to have sex makes me wonder if your that into me"........... Ignoring you, and going on twitter declaring he is indeed at a coffee shop, when he blew you off on that same day/time........ IS JUST PLAIN RUDE. Bottom line: A guy who is THAT into you will wait for sex, and not be turned off if yo9u **** right away; and if a guy assumes your not into THEM because you refuse sex and ignore you after, they ARE IDIOTS who are terrible at dealing with women.
FredRutherford Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 (edited) Good general point, like always there always exceptions. We should come up with intervals like oil changes right?? 1 month: Respectable, I'm daing a woman who won't hop into the sack with just anyone. 2-3 months: Ideal, tells me she's serious about connecting with a man and is looking for a serious relationship. One second over 3 months: Not my type!!! Very short-sighted. If I'd had such a "deadline," I wouldn't be with my wife. Wasn't some sex-animal either, "expecting" her to put-out by a certain date. I didn't have my hands all over her and made it obvious I wanted her sexually. We waited to 3-4 mos. And I only wanted to "explore." She asked if we could wait until a future weekend, which was fine by me as I wasn't in any rush and didn't want to ruin things by getting too sexual too soon. So I think we in our 30s handled ourselves well there. Edited May 19, 2012 by FredRutherford
SJC2008 Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 (edited) Very short-sighted. If I'd had such a "deadline," I wouldn't be with my wife. Wasn't some sex-animal either, "expecting" her to put-out by a certain date. I didn't have my hands all over her and made it obvious I wanted her sexually. We waited to 3-4 mos. And I only wanted to "explore." She asked if we could wait until a future weekend, which was fine by me as I wasn't in any rush and didn't want to ruin things by getting too sexual too soon. So I think we in our 30s handled ourselves well there. Good point/story! My post was more of a joke than anything. I'd wait 2-3 months, MABYE 4 but my hangup is that it seems like you have to at least try when the opportunity arises (even if you get turnded down) because some women may think you don't like her or are inexperienced or something. Edited May 19, 2012 by SJC2008 correction
bac Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 He would drop you next day too if you had sex with him. You did right that you did not let him have sex with you but sleeping with a horny player in one bed was very wrong. It made him very angry and humiliated. You were for him just either to win or lose. He felt he was a looser and he wanted to hurt you back. It was the best/cheapest option for him to drop you because he knew that you were into him.
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