CopingGal Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 When my ex hid me from friends, family, and facebook, I couldn't understand why. He had so many different excuses: His excuses: he saw so little of me he wanted me all to himself and not to share me, he didn't want to impose on his friends, he planned on doing it in the future, his schedule was too busy for him to make plans with me and his friends, he didn't want to put me through meeting his difficult, racist family, etc., etc., etc. I'll never really know or understand why he kept me hidden, but one thing is sure true- no matter what the reason is, I will never, EVER get involved with a man that doesn't introduce me to friends, doesn't introduce me to family members, and doesn't seem proud to tell the world I am his girlfriend. Never again. If that EVER happens again with anyone, I'm leaving because it will mean I cannot trust him.
d'Arthez Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 When my ex hid me from friends, family, and facebook, I couldn't understand why. He had so many different excuses: His excuses: he saw so little of me he wanted me all to himself and not to share me, he didn't want to impose on his friends, he planned on doing it in the future, his schedule was too busy for him to make plans with me and his friends, he didn't want to put me through meeting his difficult, racist family, etc., etc., etc. Are you sure there was not a Mrs out there? These excuses could be taken from "The lazy guide to leading a double life"
Author CopingGal Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 At times I really did wonder if I was seeing a married man. At times I felt like I was. But since he asked the woman he cheated on me with to marry him, I guess he was not married. I realize now that even though he probably was not married, just the mere fact that I wondered if I was dating a married man was enough to dump him.
d'Arthez Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 He might not have been married, but it is certainly a possibility that he tried to maintain two full relationships at the same time? And then picked whatever woman would offer the path of least resistance? I am really sorry you had to go through all that. 1
Clarky Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 I can relate and when he left did he tell you that you'll find someone better? Then he moved on without looking back? I was her secret, I often joked that Dirty Little Secret-All American Rejects would be our theme tune. What was the kicker for me is she said she didn't want a labeled relationship but then went on to have one with the guy she left me for, love stinks. Make sure that when you find a man he doesn't hide you away. This coming from a guy, when I'm with a woman I honestly love and want to be with I'd show her off to everyone because she's with me! Me! Smile, he has made room in your life for someone much better to come along!
Coffee20 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 When my ex hid me from friends, family, and facebook, I couldn't understand why. He had so many different excuses: His excuses: he saw so little of me he wanted me all to himself and not to share me, he didn't want to impose on his friends, he planned on doing it in the future, his schedule was too busy for him to make plans with me and his friends, he didn't want to put me through meeting his difficult, racist family, etc., etc., etc. I'll never really know or understand why he kept me hidden, but one thing is sure true- no matter what the reason is, I will never, EVER get involved with a man that doesn't introduce me to friends, doesn't introduce me to family members, and doesn't seem proud to tell the world I am his girlfriend. Never again. If that EVER happens again with anyone, I'm leaving because it will mean I cannot trust him. My ex kept me hidden too, I forced him to introduce me at least to his family, but it was hard work and he regretted later. When he went out with his friends (both genders), I couldn't be there, when he made plans I wasn't involved, when I wanted to saw him playing tennis with his friend, he rather said he was ill, because he didn't want to have me there. One time I saw mail in his box where he was invited and I was invited too, his answer was that he didn't want to go with me. He gave me similar excuses like yours. I used to think that he was ashamed of me, that I wasn't good enough, I am not sure now, I think he just wasn't into me enough and maybe had different girls around.
Author CopingGal Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 He might not have been married, but it is certainly a possibility that he tried to maintain two full relationships at the same time? And then picked whatever woman would offer the path of least resistance? I am really sorry you had to go through all that. Thank you. It was horrible. Funny thing is, my dad had a double life too. When I saw my relationship becoming like my parents I got out and stayed out!
Author CopingGal Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 I can relate and when he left did he tell you that you'll find someone better? Then he moved on without looking back? I was her secret, I often joked that Dirty Little Secret-All American Rejects would be our theme tune. What was the kicker for me is she said she didn't want a labeled relationship but then went on to have one with the guy she left me for, love stinks. Make sure that when you find a man he doesn't hide you away. This coming from a guy, when I'm with a woman I honestly love and want to be with I'd show her off to everyone because she's with me! Me! Smile, he has made room in your life for someone much better to come along! He did move on without looking back...well he moved on with the woman he cheated on me with and threw her in my face many times. When I got a snail mail letter from him...I thought it was a letter of explanation, or apology. The first sentence of the letter was about her. I told my roomate to read it. He said most of the letter was about her and then he ripped it up. Then my ex called multiple times to leave messages on what was in the letter. My hurt was so ripped to shreds and I was trying to cope, but my ex would not leave me alone. Finally after enough threats to call the police he left me alone. I haven't had any contact with him whatsoever in 6 weeks. Thank goodness.
d'Arthez Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Funny thing is, my dad had a double life too. When I saw my relationship becoming like my parents I got out and stayed out! I am really sorry to hear that. I hope you'll never have to live through something like that again. With regards to the letter, it was probably his attempt to keep you on the backburner - he probably wanted to sneak back in your life so he could alternate between one woman and the other, for whatever reason he may have. Take your time to heal. Try to pick your life up, and do things you enjoy. You know what type of behavior in men are big red flags. The decent ones will understand that you will be a bit cautious because of your past experiences. You'll be fine.
Author CopingGal Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Thanks. He did tell me that when he started cheating on me he didn't break up with me in case this new woman didn't work out. Nice work for a man who got on his knees a few years ago and begged me to come back with him. I started NC with him in November. For the most part I've done pretty well. I broke NC 6 weeks ago to tell him off and I have no desire to do that again. When we were together I tried so hard to understand him and his behavior that I sacrificed my self esteem in the process. I'm stronger now and I stay away.
d'Arthez Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Glad to hear you are moving on. Don't sweat the break of NC six weeks ago - you just gave him a piece of your mind. I am happy to hear you are wresting control back over your life, slowly but surely.
Author CopingGal Posted May 19, 2012 Author Posted May 19, 2012 It's very hard. Weekends are the worst. They hurt so much. But I have to keep in mind that this person was horrible to me and I can never EVER have anything to do with him again in any way. So, I'll just keep going one day at a time. Hopefully one day my heart will be healed.
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