lilyblue Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 I'm on OKC and I've exchanged a few emails with a guy. He seemed decent enough to meet but I already have one hang up. We were talking about an event he did. I looked it up and it had his age listed as 42. On OKC he's listed himself as 39. I know it's insignificant and I'm fine with either age, but annoyed that he lied about it (I assume to fall in under 40 search results). Would you meet up with someone who has already started with a lie?
USMCHokie Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Would you meet up with someone who has already started with a lie? It would never occur to me to lie or misrepresent any facet of myself on an OLD profile...and yet it seems so common... My honest assessment is that men would be much more forgiving of this nonsense than women...but that's merely baseless speculation...for women, I would assume that it just adds to a guy's "creepiness factor"...
Radu Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 If it was a lie to improve the engine search ... yes, but it would depend heavily if she [in my case] actually was honest about it in conversation.
Emilia Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 I think over 40s are at a disadvantage because searches are often age-specific. If a guy told me straight away about it, I'd understand and appreciate his honesty that way.
oaks Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 I see a lot of profiles (of women, but clearly men do this too) that have one age listed and then in the description they admit to being a higher age. The funny thing is that some of them say crazy things like "I don't know why the site has me listed as X when I'm Y" or "The site has my age wrong and I don't know how to change it" as if it wasn't their deliberate action to do this. At least they're coming clean about it early on, I suppose.
irc333 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 There are some women, that are "hot" for their age, let's say mid 40's, but list themselves as LATE 30's. One woman admitted to this in her profile, she said she did it on purpose because: 1. She looks young for her age, yeah, she's a cougar, but keeps an eye on her figure and stays in shape. Bit of a narcissistic though. "Yeah, I'm not for my age, so I can justify about lying about my age" 2. She did it because she wanted YOUNGER men to contact her when they did a search. Apparently, she equated herself, age-wise, to men probably 5 to 10 years younger than her, she felt justified in it. "I'm a cougar, and look like a babe, and I know it!" lol I see a lot of profiles (of women, but clearly men do this too) that have one age listed and then in the description they admit to being a higher age. The funny thing is that some of them say crazy things like "I don't know why the site has me listed as X when I'm Y" or "The site has my age wrong and I don't know how to change it" as if it wasn't their deliberate action to do this. At least they're coming clean about it early on, I suppose.
oaks Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 One woman admitted to this in her profile, she said she did it on purpose because: 1. She looks young for her age, When I see women saying that I get even more critical about how I view the photos... are they large enough and clear enough (vs small, soft-focus, badly jpeg-compressed) to show her eye-wrinkles etc. Usually the woman comes out worse after my analysis than if she had kept her mouth shut, but then perhaps I wasn't her target audience. I'm not a youngster myself but even though 40 is heading this way fast I don't feel like telling a lie about it, partly because I know that my reaction to others doing it isn't generally positive.
irc333 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 A while back, in my early 30's I was on match.com....there's this woman in my church I see all the time, in passing, but she always came by herself or sometimes with her teenaged daughter. I had spotted on that site, she listed herself as late 30's, like 38, I think I was 33 at the time. Since I've been wondering if she's been single when going to the church, I sent her a note, said I had sometimes sat near her there, and she said she does recall seeing me there in passing, too. However, she thought our age diff was too great. ( I thought otherwise ). I still see her at church, alone of course (and probably picky). I had then seen her a year ago on POF....I was 39 at the time, and she listed her self as 42. I was like , hm, last time there was a 6 year age diff, now there's only 3? Something's not right here. LOL It seems when peopel approach the big 40, they lie about their age by a handful of years I'v enoticed. I actually had a male friend that married a woman that lied about her age to him, and didn't know her REAL age until AFTER their marriage. lol And NO he didn't meet her online. When I see women saying that I get even more critical about how I view the photos... are they large enough and clear enough (vs small, soft-focus, badly jpeg-compressed) to show her eye-wrinkles etc. Usually the woman comes out worse after my analysis than if she had kept her mouth shut, but then perhaps I wasn't her target audience. I'm not a youngster myself but even though 40 is heading this way fast I don't feel like telling a lie about it, partly because I know that my reaction to others doing it isn't generally positive.
Kamille Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 I wouldn't give this guy a chance. I was with someone who thought nothing of dishing out white lies to benefit himself, and that was what ended the relationship. I value honesty and any sign that a man has a flexible relationship with the truth will send me running in the other direction. (Not to mention, I have my search installed for men up to 45 and I'm 35... Exactly how young does he want his dates?)
persevere Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 I met a gal on EH who said she was 29, on her profile. When we went out, she even talked about having a 30th bday party soon, etc. A week later, she had changed her age to 31. What else had she lied about?: was my thought.
irc333 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 After having gone out with them a few times, grown to like them, then they some how let it slip through some hint in the conversation that she's a bit older....would you question her on it? And if he/she gives you the explanation...would you continue to see them?
pink_sugar Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Never understood the whole lying about age online thing. Bad way to start a relationship. They are going to find out eventually how old you are anyways.
Author lilyblue Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 I totally agree with everyone that says it would never even occur to them to lie about age on the site. It's something that may not directly come up for awhile in person - let's say maybe even 6 months or so (or until after they were married like the one poster said?) - then what's the conversation like? "oh yeah... it's not really my 40th birthday coming up, it's my 43rd". That would feel like a big thing if it was someone had grown to trust. It would feel like a different person. I'm pretty skeptical at this point so didn't know if I was over-reacting to a possibly white lie, or if I should just be done. Seems like most people agree with me that it's not insignificant though. I think I'll ask him about it and see if, just by chance, the event website made a mistake. If not, well, no big loss.
Anela Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 A guy who is now 37, changed his age last year, aiming to go after younger women (he amended his range to something like 25 - 36) - he lowered his own age by three years, and has been dating a woman seven years younger since last Autumn.
mortensorchid Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 He'll lie about something else eventually if he lied about his age online. Ditch him. 1
Radu Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 On the 2nd date you should ask for their driver's licence. 1
DuchessKaye Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 And so that's why I only respond to guys with verified profile.
Radu Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Aren't you head over heels over a doctor 10yrs older than you ?
DuchessKaye Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Aren't you head over heels over a doctor 10yrs older than you ? You talkin to me? If so... Yes, I do
LittlePrince Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I'm on OKC and I've exchanged a few emails with a guy. He seemed decent enough to meet but I already have one hang up. We were talking about an event he did. I looked it up and it had his age listed as 42. On OKC he's listed himself as 39. I know it's insignificant and I'm fine with either age, but annoyed that he lied about it (I assume to fall in under 40 search results). Would you meet up with someone who has already started with a lie? Every relationship starts with a lie. A good relationship starts with a great lie. His lie was subpar which will lead to a mediocre relationship. 1
Author lilyblue Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 Every relationship starts with a lie. A good relationship starts with a great lie. His lie was subpar which will lead to a mediocre relationship. Ha, the quality of the lie reflects the quality of the person? Interesting take.
pink_sugar Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 My dad's exGF was 36...she said she was 28. Quite a stretch right there. Just because you can get away with it doesn't mean you should.
LittlePrince Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 On the 2nd date you should ask for their driver's licence. I ask for it before the first date. Too many single minors around here pretending to be legal.
dasein Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Used to be tolerant to some of this, no longer. Move on to better options. It's not just about the lying, but a self-absorbed, privileged attitude.
FitChick Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 The only problem I have is someone looking a lot older in person than in their photos because the man in the photo is the man I'm expecting to meet. I don't care what it says on his birth certificate because I don't plan to sleep with his birth certificate. I've had men tell me their real ages but look completely different, but since he didn't lie about his age, I guess that's okay for some people. Not for me. I have yet to hear anyone complain that someone lied about his/her age but looked much better than they were expecting.
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