ctwatlanta Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 This is a really tough one for me... Long story short - we're both adults...she's 31 and I'm 41. We started dating at the beginning of 2011 and she got pregnant in May. By end of first trimester she went nuts on me. We weren't living together but she threw me to the curb like I was yesterday's trash. I felt like it was Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. She was crazy as crazy could get. I realize there were hormone's involved, but this was insane. Nonetheless, we continued to speak and remain in touch throughout the pregnancy. I attended all birthing classes, purchased everything for the baby's new room and stayed as involved as she would allow. Fast forward to January 2012. Our little girl was due in January and mom had become increasingly distant by the third trimester. I'd call and get no response for days...sometimes a simple one-word text msg is what I'd get back from her. Well, I'd always been told I could be at the birth...but she lied to me. She had our little girl and didn't tell me for a week afterwards. Once our little girl was born she treated me even worse. Treated me like I was leper and barely allowed me to visit her, hold her or anything. By April she started acting like the woman I met long ago and fell for. It was like she was "back" to some degree. I now see our daughter all I want and things are great. ...then suddenly out of the blue about 3 weeks ago she broke down completely in front of me. She poured her eyes out to me begging me to forgive her. She didn't ask me to take her back...just forgive her for what she had done and how she had treated me. I asked her what happened and here's her explanation. Her father left her and her mom when she was a child. He left them penniless and then he committed suicide. I know this to be true. She then said that as her pregnancy progressed she had convinced herself that I too would abandon her and our little girl just as she had experienced as a child, and that she felt it was best to cut ties with me altogether now rather than wait for it to happen. In other words, she judged me solely on her past experience with her father. She now knows she was wrong for doing so and knows I am not her father. She's been great to me and we have spent a lot of time together over the last few weeks. I have to admit it's really great; however, I'm not sure what to do now... I believe if I wanted to get back together with her she would do so in a heartbeat. She hasn't brought it up but it's painfully obvious. We have only been friends...no intimacy or anything. Just good friends raising our daughter together. Part of me wants to take her back, but I'm scared to death that she's going to have some emotional relapse and I'll be the one left holding the bag...again. We have little 4 month old girl together so it's not as easy as just walking away from someone you arbitrarily dated and have no attachments too. So...what advice can you all give to this poor soul?
Woggle Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 If she did it once she will do it again. I would not take her back.
EgoJoe Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 I would get a paternity test and if the results are positive I would sue for full custody. **** her emotional bull****. I don't give a flying **** how a Woman "feels" about reality. If you gave no indication, were loving, doting, commited etc. It is all a crock of **** and she was probably shacked up with another dude saying it was his baby too. Get the test, sue for custody, find a better Woman.
fucpcg Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Apparently it's easy to be judgmental when you didn't have a F'd up childhood. The girl is basically suffering from a type of PTSD, like any War Vet who has been surrounded by horror. Will she go thru it again? Yes. You can try to be with this girl, but it will definitely be a roller coaster. That is your choice to make, and I can't tell you if it will get better or worse. All I can say is, if she will do things that show a person wants to recover, you can trust her more, meaning like she accepts going to counseling. Even if she does, it will still be a roller coaster. This is also a situation where you should be seeking advice from Professionals, not a bunch of random idiots on a Breakup forum on the internet. I can share with you more, because of my experience with rough childhood, but what that made me, and what that made your girl, will be two totally different things. Everyone comes out affected differently. Can I relate to how she is acting? Yes, makes total sense to me. Would it be smart for you to try and work things out? Who knows. I would probably try if in your situation, however I'm no stranger to this type of mess. I don't know how well you are qualified to deal with it.
Author ctwatlanta Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 Thanks for the feedback. Yes, we've already had a paternity test and the little girl is, in fact, mine. Additionally, the mom has already contacted an attorney as have I. She is giving me full joint physical 50/50 custody and wants us to raise our little girl together. I'm not sure how many of you have children or not but it's a very difficult thing to just walk away. Also, the chances of my getting full physical custody are about 1 in a million...literally. She's a good mom so no judge will ever take our 4 month old daughter from her and give her to me. So, either I try to work things out with her or I don't. It's certainly in our daughters best interest that I do.
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