Author Searchin81 Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 (edited) I still wonder if my ex is just rebounding where he is really in love. I wonder how long it will last. My heart is killing me I don't know why all these memories are coming back all of a sudden. Why did it take me so long to realize all this, why wasn't I aware before? I don't know how I am going to live with this on my conscience and in my heart? Is there anyone else out here who carried around pain like this their whole life? I wish I would get amnesia so I don't have to remember anything. I can't take all the memories flooding back. Nor the guilt for what I have done Edited May 21, 2012 by Searchin81
gibson Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 (edited) Why did it take me so long to realize all this, why wasn't I aware before? That is an easy one... You had G.I.G.S. You were all about getting attention, drama, "good time" friends, partying, going out, living for the moment, selfish, self-absorbed, dating idiots, etc. and being with a guy that was the "marrying kind" was the last thing on earth you wanted. You were no different than my friends and I who had G.I.G.S. I thought I would have NO PROBLEM finding someone like my G.I.G.S. Ex, that women like her grew on trees and whenever I wanted to settle down I could just snap my fingers and find / date / end up with someone who was as amazing and wonderful as her. Little did I know... I don't know how I am going to live with this on my conscience and in my heart? It's not a lot of fun and I would be lying if I said it gets easier. As you get out there, date and fail to find a guy that "measures up" to your Ex... It makes all that time you "wasted" during G.I.G.S. (which wasn't that much fun to begin with) worse. Not to mention, you are not in you mid to late twenties either. To answer your question... Eventually you come to terms with it and accept the consequences of the foolish choices we made throughout our 20s. Is there anyone else out here who carried around pain like this their whole life? I am going on 18 years since I dumped my G.I.G.S. Ex. After I went through my G.I.G.S. "phase" I felt much like you do now and wanted my G.I.G.S. Ex back badly. I tried to win her back but it was too late. She had already fallen in love and ended up marrying an amazing guy. They are still married to this day. Took my 15 years to find someone that "measured up" up to her. After being with my recent Ex for 3 years... She got G.I.G.S. Yeah... G.I.G.S. hosed me back in my 20s and now again in my 30s. My G.I.G.S. Ex (the one I dumped 18 years ago due to G.I.G.S.) not long ago joked with me (we still talk from time to time) that she undid all the evil spells she put on me, took all the pins out of the voodoo doll after she got over me breaking her heart back then. I'm not convinced... I wish I would get amnesia so I don't have to remember anything. I can't take all the memories flooding back. Nor the guilt for what I have done Like I said earlier, this will fade in time. People on here wonder why G.I.G.S. Dumpers often return years later... Your story and mine is why. Edited May 21, 2012 by gibson
Author Searchin81 Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 Gibson lol I didn't think I had g.i.g.s at first. My ex did! He is the one that wanted the break up, I said this in my other posts. He said he didn't love me anymore, was acting up, taking his friends sides over mine, wanting to go out, party drink ect.. But he even blatantly said he wanted me around still just not be titled bf and gf. I wasn't having that. Then eventually months later he said he regretted it all.. But never said the magic words I wanted to hear "I want you back", I took all his words of regrets as him just trying to relive his mind, not of him trying to get back together with me. He could have regretted evyerthing and still not wanna work things out with me. And that's what I have thought all these years. I don't know what the truth is, If he really wanted me back. I had enough hurt I blocked his number and that was it. A month later he was with the person he is now, and 2 years later here I am thinking it all over. I want to send him a text apologizing for the way I was. My intent ISN'T get him back. But I feel that I should apologize and tell him he didn't deserve me cutting him off and that I know it's all water under the bridge at this point. But I don't know if I should do it. I'm scared
Author Searchin81 Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 Countinued from my previous post I can't update... But somtimes i dont feel i want to apologize becuase he did alot wrong to me also. How could he have been so cold as to just toss me aside the way he did and run out and party with friends and live it up while someone was at home with a broken heart, and he out riding motorcycles, going on trips, living it up, so selfish and tries to be nice to me while he is doing it! Just cuts me out of his life.. Thats why I cut him off. But I don't know if I should do it. I'm scared
Dark Phoenix Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Yup the dreaded bounce, all i see is black, no white yet on searchins part
Author Searchin81 Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Yup the dreaded bounce, all i see is black, no white yet on searchins part dark what does that mean?
hopeful4someday Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 But I don't know if I should do it. I'm scared Don't do it. He's married now. Respect his decision, respect him, and respect his wife enough to not meddle. You let him go and he moved on. If someday he becomes single again and seeks you out, then do whatever you feel like at that point. But you really have no right to get involved now.
Author Searchin81 Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 I suppose most people think there ex's are in great relationships though, after you are with them. Though they probably are not as great as we imagine.
Author Searchin81 Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 (edited) Its so difficult I run it around in my mind so much.. Everything. I just feel I'm gonna talk to him again someday. I wish that feeling would go away. I never felt that way with any other ex Edited May 22, 2012 by Searchin81
MissBrunette84 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I also remember my ex telling me he never Belived I loved him the way I said I did... Those are his exact words. This could be why he's reluctant to respond or get in touch.
AsItIs Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Searching, You're going from one extreme to the other! Get that bipolar treated & leave the married man alone. If he wants you, he"ll come to you.
Author Searchin81 Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 I know. I know.. I just had a hard time belving this isn't a shame of a marriage. Based on his psychological make up. I think he was afraid to be alone. He even said to me he thought that if it didn't workout with me he would never have anyone. He grabbed the first wild pitch that came along, who was also just fresh out of a relationship. Yes they waited a year to get married but often wonder what will happen after all the excitement and mutal dependce calms downs.
Author Searchin81 Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 (edited) another thing I thought was very telling is that a mutual friend told me that when he hears songs that remind him of me.. he wants them changed and says that its because they remind him of me. he also used to say he was angry with himself for what he did to me. Edited May 22, 2012 by Searchin81
Dark Phoenix Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 dark what does that mean? Means you aren't ready for him yet. You are bouncing back and forth (its not bipolar btw) You havent said one positive thing about his character. You just realize you love him unconditionally. Everything will fall into place in time.
Author Searchin81 Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 I am bouncing back and forth over what he did to me. Not about his genuinely good character.
g450 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I suppose most people think there ex's are in great relationships though, after you are with them. Though they probably are not as great as we imagine. Who cares what his marriage is like. That's none of your concern. What you need to work on is your obsession with him. Leave him and his wife alone. My guess is they are doing fine and you are overanilizing breadcrumbs and rumors to fit your own fantasy. My take is that you are not accepting the reality that he has moved on and you havent. You need to work on this. 1
Author Searchin81 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 well my point is no one really knows but him how he feels.. I'm here to speculate and toss ideas around in my mind. I am analyzing the situation based on what I have heard and know of his character to try and come to some kind of understanding. I think the truth is probably somewhere in the middle about the moving on.. i think his marriage was possibly way to evade the past and not face his own feelings and emptiness about our relationship.
Author Searchin81 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 It seems people are concerned with the meddling. That's not the question. I am discussing his rational for getting married so fast, what propelled it, what was his psychological make up at the time, what is it now, what does he feel towards me, what residue feelings are left of his toward me, ect. I think the answer is not simple in either direction. I'm not interested in anyone's personal moral stance of speaking to a Married man, the way I see it. When he got engaged and married a year later, I wasn't an option. He was probably under the impression that he would never hear from me again. If I was avalible, and didn't mentally jolt him, would he have run off and got married so quickly. To be honest I don't think he would have. I think I hit a nerve and made him feel complete emptiness that he wanted someone to fill it.. Never mind a whole host of other factors that could come into play.
g450 Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 Why are you so concerned about what thinks or what he feels or doesnt feel? That is his wife's job and his phycs job. Not yours. What is it that you want exactly? You say you wont meddle yet you still are obsessed with him to a point that it's unhealthy. If your not meddling then what is the reason you want to know what his state of mind is? And more importantly, how is this helping you? Again, what do you want?
Author Searchin81 Posted May 24, 2012 Author Posted May 24, 2012 Well HE text me today and we had a very fun joking conversation
Author Searchin81 Posted May 24, 2012 Author Posted May 24, 2012 (edited) A very flirty conversation.. Walking a tight line.. It's a tad naughty. He trying to behave Lol Edited May 24, 2012 by Searchin81
Joaquin Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 A very flirty conversation.. Walking a tight line.. It's a tad naughty. He trying to behave Lol Do you think he will show his wife the texts?
Author Searchin81 Posted May 24, 2012 Author Posted May 24, 2012 (edited) These ones absolutely not! Lol that would not be good I was shocked when I seen he text me. Ugh I just wanna tell him how much I love him and miss him and a lot more. Edited May 24, 2012 by Searchin81
Author Searchin81 Posted May 24, 2012 Author Posted May 24, 2012 (edited) Nothing serious said. But a very very flirty conversation. Him trying to behave himself. I feel something is there, who knows maybe I'm wishing again. I love him and miss him everyday. If only i had the courage to say that.. truth is im scared as hell Edited May 24, 2012 by Searchin81
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